If It Had Not Been For Love
by nojudgementjustlove
Summary: After meeting Spencer in Rosewood after two years of heartaches and pain, Toby must do all it takes to mend their loves again. But this isn't without obstacles as the questions still remains as to why he left in the first place. Each girl knows a piece of the puzzle, but will this put there heads together to aid in bringing the two back together again?
1. Something Very Familiar

If It Hadn't Been For Love

**Okay, so after reading tons of Spoby fics, I've decided to write one of my own. I have always been keen on writing but have found that I lack the certain experience to write really well. I thought that maybe writing a fic of my own, would help develop my writing and broaden my views. **

**I haven't loved a couple like Spoby since Naley (Nathan and Haley) from One Tree Hill. They are truly something special, so I hope I do them justice.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars and as much as I have wished upon the shooting stars , I still do not own The Spobs.**

**Something Very Familiar**

"Argh!"

"I seriously can't get these things into my suitcase!"

The blonde girl's hair was bobbing up and down as she kneed her suitcase frantically trying to get it to close.

"Ammmm, lemme try" the taller, slender-framed girl crossed the room which the two of them were occupying to help her best- friend.

She shoved her friend slightly, moving her out of her passage.

"You could have said excuse me" she mumbled

To her horror, instead of zipping the suitcase shut, her friend was doing quite the opposite, pulling the untidily folded clothes onto the bed.

"Spencer, what the hell are you doing?"

Her friend did not look up but continued her tedious task of undoing all of Hanna's sweat-inducing-hard work. She sighed before speaking up.

"Hanna, you can't expect to pack all these things in here. You can pack what you need right away-the necessities, and we can send the rest back to Rosewood-

"But that _is_ everything I need!" she interrupted rolling her eyes.

"You mean to tell me you can't do without these" she said holding up a pair of penciled jeans

"No!" Hanna retorted, jerked the clothing for her hand

Spencer dived back into the suitcase, "Or these?"

Hanna gasped in bewilderment. An onlooker would have thought she had just asked her for a kidney.

"Are you crazy? If I leave that shirt here, what would I wear with this" she said holding up a pair of black leather pants.

Spencer rolled her eyes, wearied by her best friend's vanity. She turned back to the strewn-pile of clothes that looked as though the suitcase had puked them out.

"Okay, how about these?"

Hanna was visibly shaken; she covered her mouth to stop the escaping shriek. Spencer could see that it was taking great effort for her friend to compose herself. She breathed in slightly before responding

"Ammm, no"

"Not even for a couple of days!"

Hanna composed herself, quickly snatching the shoes from her friend's hands as though her touch would somehow taint the shoe's quality.

"No, sorry" she said hurriedly before turning to leave the room "She didn't mean that…." She whispered cradling the shoes

Spencer sat there staring into the air in front of her until Hanna's voice was barely audible

She sighed. She should have known better than to come between Hanna and her shoes. She knew that the blonde girl would never survive without a pair of shoes, not even for a day. For her that was the equivalent of going around without a brain.

Spencer had grown to accept the quirks about her friends, as Hanna had accepted hers.

Both girls had spent the better half of their college years together and after three years were heading home with their degrees in tow. Both Spencer and Hanna had decided to pursue a degree in design: Interior Design and Fashion Design respectively. Spencer had received much opposition from her family in choosing her degree. Her father had been contented to say that she had wasted all of her hard work at high school to become something that could be deemed a hobby. She hadn't mind however, she thought it worthwhile to pursue something that calmed her,' soothed her soul' she would say, in oppose to a career that though brought in the cash would have her hunching and 'breaking her back' with frustration.

Hanna had followed her calling, meshing her love for fashion with her education had been an easy call for her. This was one of the major reasons that the girls were returning home so early. Hanna's clothing store- ' Pretty Little Secrets' would make its debut opening in Rosewood in four short weeks and Hanna had insisted that the girls get a head start on all the preparation that needed to be done. Spencer had been excited, not only that her best friend's dreams were coming true but also with the prospective for her first official job. Sure enough, she had taken internships, and had worked under some of the best designers, but with this she would get the opportunity to test her skills, and prove something to herself.

Spencer sighed happily.

They had actually graduated from college she thought.

Through it all, the exam lows , breakups, the days of having nothing to wear, the annoying the crap out of each other, they had stuck together and it had proven to be some of the best day of both of their lives.

She looked around the small room now, a sense of nostalgia and yearning easing its way to her heart. She sunk into it for a moment.

That was the bed she had laid in for countless hours pouring her heart and soul into her work, and over there was the lamp that her mother had brought her, arguing that she would have to wear glasses if she wasn't careful with her night reading. Hanna had nearly broken it, when she and Caleb had been having their 'nightly rendezvous'. Spencer had walked in on them in a heated make out session in her room, and in her anger and slight disgust had slammed the door so hard that Hanna toppled over nearly sending the lamp to an early grave.

She had been angry then but recalling the memory now: how animated Hanna had looked struggling to get herself from the floor coupled with Caleb turning bright red, stammering excuses, tripping over his own tongue, Spencer couldn't help but chuckle. This room held some really good memories.

And some bad ones…..

She took a deep breath, her smile metamorphosing into a sullen line across her face. It called to her- those aching memories. And though the process of returning to them were heart- shattering, the fact that she got to live them, even if only in her mind, made her feel alive in those moments.

She turned to the chair that sat in the corner of the room, the beautifully carved rocking chair. Every wave of emotion seemed to overtake her now. She got up slowly, and edged her way to it. Her hands slowly glided, feeling the smoothness beneath her slender fingers. She felt the care, and the love that had been poured into its creation. It was a haunted memory for her, a ghost she could not let go of. Every memory that had been stored in the 'basement' of her brain, released itself now. The kisses, the way his blue eyes sent electrified shock into her heart, the way she had always forgotten to breathe when he was near her, the way he was the last thing on her mind when she went to sleep and when she woke up, and the stress of the "to do" came flooding in, thoughts of him would calm her.

But somehow she had lost that…

"Spence?" a voice came quietly behind her

Spencer was suddenly aware of the tears that were welling in her eyes. She quickly attempted to wipe them away, turning around to face Hanna, who was still carrying the red pumps in her hands.

"Oh, Spence" she cooed

"I'm fine" she lied, feigning confidence.

The expression plastered across Hanna's face said it all; she was not buying into the façade. She looped her arm into her best friend's, resting her head slightly on her shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Spencer shook herself of the emotions that she had allowed to crush her, walking back to the suitcase she began her task again, folding the clothes neatly and placing them just as neatly into the suitcase.

Hanna remained quiet, she knew her friend well enough to know that pushing her would only agitate her, so she waited until she was ready to answer her. Several moments passed before Spencer spoke.

"It feels like it was so long 's not supposed to hurt so much after such a long ?" her eyes were pleading as she turned to look up at Hanna now."That's what they say, they say that time heals and that you move on and that it get easier"

She took a breath now, resigned."But they lie….It doesn't get better"

Hanna sat down beside her friend, taking her hand in hers', their eyes searching each other's, sympathy mirrored.

Her words were soft "Look Spence, I get it, you lost the love of your life…it's you're strong, you're the strongest person I know and I know…. I know that Toby broke your heart, and I know when he left you were absolutely devastated, but you got up anyway and you picked up the broken pieces and you kicked defeat in the ass and you proved that you could be anything- despite all the heartache from your family and all the hell we've been through with 'A', you've manage to rise above it all"

Both girls smiled "Because you're Spencer-frickin'-Hastings and you deserve nothing short of the best" Hanna said matter -of- factly

A huge grin spread across Spencer's face, she always knew exactly what to say when Spencer was down.

"Thank you Han"

Hanna smiled in response before getting up."Now let's get our asses back to Rosewood before our parents send out a search team"

Spencer chuckled, zipping the suitcase and giving it to Hanna "Wait- what about the shoes?"

Hanna stopped looking back at them and then to Spencer "I can do without them for a day"

She looped her hand through Spencer's, resting her head slightly on her shoulder as they both exited the room. They both looked back for a moment, taking in the room one last time before closing the door shut behind them.

* * *

"Aria!"

"Aria?"

"That's not Aria" Spencer slapped at Hanna, to stop her frantic waving

Hanna looked down, playing with her fingernails slightly embarrassed."She did look a little like her, minus the love handles" Hanna cringed

Spencer shot her a glare.

They were at the airport having just landing back in Philadelphia a short half an hour ago. They had promised each other almost four years ago, that upon finishing college, and if the stars were aligned for them to move back to Rosewood, that they'd meet at the airport and then drive home together. It had seemed like a good idea then to the four best friends, but now as Hanna and Spencer walked through the crowded, slightly claustrophobic hallway, they couldn't help but feel a twinge of nervousness. What if they had changed? Not like hair -color -change or bigger- boobs- change but an unrecognizable- life altering- change. After all, Aria had just spent the last two years in Africa, how could that not change her? Spencer gulped imagining Aria decked in love beads and sandals humming "Kum-ba-ya". They had stayed in touch as much as they possible could, exchanging letters and a few telephone calls but never enough to delve in the details of their lives.

"There's Aria now!" Hanna exclaimed, shaking Spencer from her thoughts. She craned her neck in the direction of Hanna's extended arm.

Sure enough, Aria was striding towards them, a huge grin plastered across her face. Both Hanna and Spencer quicken their pace, closing the distance, mentally cursing as they collided with other persons heading the opposite direction.

Shrill screams of excitement echoed through the airport as the friends finally meet each other. Embracing each other in a three way hug, the girls jumped up and down, waves of brown and blonde tangled together.

Spencer was the first to speak "Oh my God, you look fabulous!"

Aria did a little sauntered spin, her short flared dress dancing, igniting the ooh's and ahh's once more from her friends. Everyone was giddy with laughter.

"I've miss you guys so much" Aria said enveloping her tiny frame once again around her best friends.

"We've missed you too" Hanna said ending their embrace

"Hi, guys" a masculine voice spoke up; Hanna peered behind Aria, startled. The man stood a few feet behind them, a dark green bag slung around his shoulder. He had aged some since she last saw him; his hair had grown slightly longer, and it hung messily from his head.

Hanna's eyes grew with question, as she looked at Aria then back at the man behind her. Aria raised her eyebrows, biting her lips slightly as if to convey a message to her friend. Hanna's eyes grew again, this time with realization. During their exchange, Spencer had already skipped over embracing the man, in excitement.

Hanna smiled shyly. "Hi, Jason"

" We haven't seen each other in nearly four years, I think I deserve more than a half- hearted wave" Jason joked, embracing Hanna. Hanna reciprocated the hug, they had never been personally, close friends but it was undeniable that they had shared some of the same heartaches and trials plus he was one of her best friend's half-brother.

They were still in an embrace when Hanna felt a hand slip around her waist, startled, she jerked her head her head around, certain whiplash. Stooped slightly behind her with a mischievous grin was Emily, her dark hair cascading down her tan shoulders. Hanna's heart did not even get the chance to steady its pace before she was jumping up again, squealing like a madman. Spencer and Aria joined, again overcome with excitement as the last member of their quartet returned.

When the girls had at last settled overpowered by fatigue and the upending jet lag, they stood taking in each other. It was then that Emily noticed Jason, standing behind them, with his hands in his pockets. She shot Spencer a questioned look, Spencer motioned towards Aria, who responded with a slight smile. Emily looked back at Hanna, her brows raised and Hanna gave her a knowing smile. They each let out a small laugh; it was good to share telepathic conversations with each other again.

**Okay so no drama rama in the first chapter! ( Cause it's always darkest before the dawn ) Sorry that song just pops into my head randomly. I promise there is a lot of drama coming up; I just wanted to use the first chapter for some Little Liars fluff. I also have to warn you guys that I'm not American or English or Australian. I'm actually from the Caribbean *gasp*0.0 what? No way!**

**Yes I am, so I hope that everything I write is translated well with you guys (that is, if anyone reads the story )**

**Anyways until next time**

Xo, Tane


	2. Recalling Heartaches

**I just wanted to say that I'm so grateful to the persons that reviewed/followed/favorited the story. Gosh,I 'm so humbled, thank you very much. Mwah!**

Warning: I wrote this chapter sleep deprived

**Recalling Heartaches**

_As time passed, my memory loosened_

_And the desire was repressed-not forgotten_

_But when my eyes met yours once more_

_Everything came crashing down on me again….._

The clock on the bedside table blinked as the 7 was replaced by an 8. It was now 10:38, which meant that Spencer had been up for nearly five hours, which was relativity normal for her. Emily and Hanna however, were laid sprawled across the bed, having had a girl's night out the previous night, which Spencer had opted out of the finish unpack her things. It had been three days since they had been back in Rosewood and Spencer's OCD tendencies had been eating away at her to get everything in her room in order.

Spencer looked at the two girls on the bed; Hanna was on her stomach, faucets of saliva escaping her mouth. Her left arm was draped carelessly across Emily's head, only removing itself every once in a while to unconsciously rub her leg. Emily had her knees tucked safely near her chin, almost in a fetal position; they were both still decked in the clothes they wore last night, down to the very shoes.

Spencer had allowed them to sleep knowing that they were most likely hung over from their gallivanting, but as the hour approached 11, she knew that she would have the jobs of getting them out of bed.

She shoved the two girls slightly " Han?Em?" She hummed

Hanna just give a slight groan rolling onto her stomach, Emily had not even budge from her position. Recognizing, that she might have to apply more force to the situation, Spencer shoved the girls, harder this time.

"Okay, get your butts out of bed!" she shouted

"It's 20 minutes to 11!" she continued, parading around the bed, clapping her hand. She herself, hated when someone interrupted her sleep, but desperate situations called for drastic measure.

"C'mon sleepyheads," she sang-yelled

"Get up!" she continued even louder.

This elicited heavy groans, from the girls. Hanna arose, scrunching her face at the sunlight pouring through the windows.

"Can you please close the blinds" she croaked

"No, you guys had enough sleep, it's time to get up" she said, pulling Emily by her hands into a sitting position. The only force that was keeping Emily upright was Spencer as the girl's head dropped and swung dramatically.

Hanna lay back down, shielding her eyes with her pillow.

"No, no, no no " Spencer chanted, running over to Hanna's side of the bed, as soon as she released Emily's hands, the girl was back down on her pillow, snoring slightly.

Spencer stood at the foot of the bed, sighing loudly. This was going to be a very long morning.

* * *

An hour later the four girls stood, outside the building of what was supposed to be Hanna's new clothing store. Hanna stood there, her manicured fingers running across her chin, a thought process apparent on her face. The other girls had been standing there blankly, uninformed, patiently waiting for Hanna to make her next move. Every once in a while Hanna would mutter an incoherent 'no no no' or 'that's not right' to herself.

Aria, growing impatient tapped her shoes against the sidewalk; it was to be a nagging reminder to Hanna that they had been standing there for the last fifteen minutes. Hanna however was oblivious to her friend's tactics.

"Yes!" Hanna crooned loudly, startling her three friends

She turned to them now a smile plastered across her face "We can go in now"

"Finally!" Aria cried, visibly exhausted

Inside, the store was bare, except for a huge painting that hung from the egg white wall. Hanna had mentioned that prior to this, that the building was an art gallery for up and coming artist. Beyond its nudity though, Spencer noticed the structure of the place, it was beautiful, with archways and small stone -like pillars and designs engraved into the walls. Right above her, a quote was embossed into the wall. Spencer rubbed her hand against the pattern, feeling the words coming alive beneath her fingers.

It read: _I was never insane except upon occasion when my heart was touched_

_-Edgar Allan Poe_

She could testify to that, she had always strove to be excellent, and had always achieved it. But in the drawn out process of finding herself, she had found that life held so many mediocre things and she had made a promise with herself that she would never settle for anything that she wasn't passionate or 'insane' about.

And though everything in her life was not how she envisioned it to be years ago she had found this crucial life lesson had saved her from a dry, aimless life.

She had made it a mental note, not only to apply this to her career but also to her love life. She wanted passion, nothing less.

"They're here!" a voice exclaimed awaking her out her philological thoughts

"Who's here?

"The contractors" Hanna rolled her eyes

The man entered hastily, struggling with the items he was carrying.

"Sorry I'm late, I had a hold up with my partner but he'll be here in just a few" He stopped, glancing at each of the girls, a polite smile on his face.

Spencer stood drinking in the man before her, a sudden heat rising to her cheeks

He was strikingly handsome, his brown wavy hair tossed messily around his head, and his grey-blue eyes piercing, sending chemical waves through her body. She struggled to avert her eyes, lowering her head, but as though they had a mind of their own, she found her eyes locked on his again. He smiled a dimple on his right cheek showing.

He rested the package on the table beside him before extending his hand

"Hi, I'm Brian" he said

Before Hanna could issue her introduction, Spencer grasped hold of his hand

"Hi, I'm Spence" she sing- songed

"Spencer!" she corrected herself

She bit her lip, embarrassed by her outburst, "I mean, Spencer's my name but Spence is my-umm- my nickname type-thingy…my friends call me Spence.

She palmed her forehead "I mean you can call me Spence…or Spencer, if you choose to"

Brian let out a small laugh, obviously aware of how flustered his presence made her

"Okay Spence" he smiled coyly.

A beat of silence, their eyes intertwined.

"Okay….I'm Hanna" the blond girl interjected

She gestured to the room around her "And this is my building… or clothes store or whatever"

"And these are my slaves- Spencer, Aria and Emily" she said pointing to them

"Okay?

Before Brian could answer, Hanna pulled him by the arm, delving straight into details

"Okay, I have a vision for this place…" Spencer heard her say until her words were muffled Spencer's pacing heart. She looped her fingers together and brought them to her chin, her face bearing a repressed smile.

Aria scooted over to Spencer, a huge grin on her face.

"He's cute!" she whispered.

"Hmm, I hadn't noticed" Spencer lied, quickly opening the binder book that held some of her ideas for the design of the store.

Aria nudged her playfully "C'mon Spence, he's more than cute"

Spencer blushed, tucking some hair behind her ear "Stop it, Aria"

"Spence likes a boy" Aria teased, a fit of small giggles escaping the petite girl.

Spencer shot her a death glare, hushing her instantly.

Just then her cell let out a shrill ring; she removed the phone from her back jean pocket looking at the screen

A flash of bewilderment crossed Spencer's face

Aria, knowing that look from the period in time, their tormenter ' A' had been sending them text messages asked " What is it Spence?"

"Why is Melissa calling me?" she asked, mostly to herself. Hitting the green button Spencer walked away, talking into the phone.

"What was that about?" Emily asked

Aria shrugged "I think it was Melissa"

Brian who was in a deep conversation with Hanna, looked up from the sheet of paper that he was jotting notes on, out through the door.

"There's my partner now" he said motioning his head in the direction of the door.

Hanna, Aria and Emily's heads snapped towards the entrance, the shaded figure striding up to open the it. It was only then that his face was revealed, partially safe from the sun's blinding rays, and as though in sync, upon realization, there was a chorus of "Oh my Gods"

The three girls stood agape, their mouths open, they looked almost mortified. Spencer looked around confused, not privy the information that held them in this fashion.

"I'll have to call you back Melissa" she said slowly into receiver

With her brows furrowed in confusion, her eyes slowly bounced back to Aria, Emily and Hanna's faces, then into the direction of their eyes.

Her eyes became blurred as her mind sought to comprehend the sight before her. When the pixels had all adjusted, her breath caught in her throat. Her heart stopped, then became to beat wildly to compensate for its misdirection.

Spencer felt weak all over, as though she was about the collapse, her face frozen in position. The man, reaction mirrored hers, he stood shock still at the entrance of the door, his eyes a soft blue and his lips quivering as though searching for words. Unbeknown it to her, his chest ached at the sight of her. She had taken his breath away….

And for her, seeing him again, everything came crashing down on her again

_The night in the motel room, where just outside he had kissed her for the very first time…._

_The night she had chosen him over her family, running into his arms- her safe haven_

_The day he told her he loved her, and she had told him she had wanted to say it first_

_**Every memory collided all at once in her mind, the desperate void that cried for him became a fresh wound.**_

And before she could stop herself, her mouth uttered the word "Toby"

**Ta- dah! Utter rubbish? Brilliant? Bleh? You tell me. You guys are rock stars!**

**xo Tane**


	3. In Fate Believing

**Playlist: Love by Sia**

**Oh my, I wanted to update sooner but my stupid internet hates me and I hate it too ( No! I don't mean that, please come back!) **

**Okay. Thank you so much for the reviews/ favorites/ follows! Seriously when I read them, I ran down the block yelling "Inspiration!" That's until people began to come out of their houses, and stare at me (lol) Anyways, they meant a lot to me, so thank you again. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. **

**In Fate Believing**

"_A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it"_

_-Jean de La Fontaine_

_There's a funny thing about fate, you can prolong meeting it, but it can't be denied it completely._

_Regardless of your efforts against it, it's always victorious, bending our hearts into shape until we're longing for it, pursuing it against all odd, ravenous and hungry for it. And when we've finally achieved it- that feeling of grasping it in the palm of our hands, it's always beyond our wildest expectations- our dreams, our aspirations. _

_The road there, though treacherous and sorrow filled refines us, as silver is refined in the fire. And though in the midst of it, it may seem unbearable, it helps straighten our souls and prepare us for the great task at hand. _

_This task might be one of forgiveness or love…_

_Unbeknownst to Spencer, meeting Toby after two years back in Rosewood had been her sign from the universe. Fate had made the call: Love will no longer be denied. _

_She had so often begged for the sign that would give her answers and ease the pain in her chest but had soon given up hope._

_**But there's something intricate about timing, when the stars have all align and everything has been set in place…..**_

"Toby?" Spencer muttered again, still in a high fog of daze.

The other three girls exchange worried glances; they had all mentally prepared themselves in the off chance that they were ever placed in this situation. It was obvious though, the wide variance between theory and practice as they looked at the bewilderment splashed across both Toby and Spencer's faces.

"Spencer" Toby's voice was filled with forced calm; a worried line crossed his forehead.

Spencer stood frozen in position, uncertain of what her next move should be.

_What were you to do in situations like these?_

_Should she act casual, like nothing ever happened between her and Toby?_

_Or should she run straight through those doors?_

Before she could finish her next thought, Brian cut in, gradually becoming aware of the rising tension caused by his partner's appearance.

"Is there a problem?" he asked, his eyebrows knitted together.

No one spoke up; everyone was still trying to process the scene unraveling before them.

Brian observed everyone's astound faces then redirected his question towards Hanna.

"Is something wrong?"

Hanna looked at him, her mouth fumbling for the right words to say.

"Umm….no!" she decided, the turning wheels in her head apparent on her face. She searched her mind for an excuse to leave so that Toby and Spencer could talk in privacy.

"But…yeah….um…we should get some coffee…."

"…..All of us!" she added

"Now?" Brian asked incredulously

"Yeah, now" Hanna continued, giving him a definitive nod

Brian looked around questioningly "But we-

Hanna waved her hand in front of her face "There's this great coffee shop down the street, their coffee is amazing, we should check it out"

"Get pumped up before we…..you know, start to work" Hanna finished shaking her head convincingly. She grasped her purse from the table beside her.

"Coming Em, Aria?"

"Uh huh" Emily and Aria cried simultaneously, grabbing their purses also. Passing Spencer, they each shot her a sympathetic look, before heading out the door tugging Brian along.

The door slammed with a thud! And then there was complete and utter silence.

Even the wind seemed to aiding in the awkwardness of the situation, as it came to a standstill.

Spencer mentally begged for the sound of an oncoming car, anything, to break this wordlessness. She bit her lips, willing them to cease their trembling.

Toby took a step closer, she avoided his eyes. They had done too much damage already.

"Spencer" his tone was begging, as though willing her to look at his face.

She looked through the door beyond him, refusing the beckoning call of his eyes

She cleared her throat "Toby"

He took another step closer "How are you?"

_Ha. Are those the first words you tell someone after not seeing them for over two years?_

_After you tear someone heart to shreds?_

_How are you? How do you expect I am Toby? She thought_

"Fine" she said instead

She opened the binder before her, trying to steady her racing thoughts

"And you?"

Another two steps. "I'm doing good, actually"

_Great, for you Toby, because when I was graveling to keep the pieces of my life together after you left me, you were doing great! Even her thoughts were laden with sarcasm._

It seemed to be an eternity before he spoke up again, quietly, his voice at that soft volume that he always held it at.

"I didn't expect to see you back in Rosewood….I mean after such a long time."

When Spencer did not response he continued, feeling an incessant need to fill the space with words "I mean, I'd expect that you would have gone somewhere else after you graduated, you know, somewhere away from here"

Spencer kept her eyes focused on the pages of the binder, afraid that if she looked up, she'd burst into tears. He looked at her, and though she was seemingly preoccupied, he could see the layers of worry beneath her external façade.

It was now or never. These issues could not be avoided, especially when there was a huge chance that they'd be working together in the following weeks.

He took another step closer to her.

"Look, Spencer-"

She heard the shakiness in his voice, letting her guard down, she looked up at his face

_Oh darn it!_

His blue eye were a sea of pain, she became lost in them, entranced by their beauty. She shook it off. There's no way this was going to overcome her now. She had mentally prepared herself for the day she would see him again, thinking up scenarios in her head where she'd tell him how much he had hurt her and then storm off with him in the dust.

But of the thousands of scenarios she had thought up, she had somehow missed this one.

She never expected to see pain in his eyes. After all, he had broken up with her.

But that ache in his eyes mirrored the one she wore not too long ago, when the pain of him leaving had left her defeated.

"If this is weird-

"Why would this be weird?" she said defiantly, unattached from her prior entrancement.

She wanted to test his memory, to see if he remembered everything or if he knew.

"Spencer, the way we left things…" he trailed off

"We didn't leave things, you left me, remember?" she snapped, the stored up anger was being released now. She closed the binder abruptly, placing one hand to her forehead and the other on her hip.

He bowed his head "Spence, there's some things you don't know" then looked directly at her, his eyes searching.

"Yeah? Like what?"

He stood just looking at her, his eyes pleading but his lips making no attempt to speak.

Spencer let out a small laugh

_Yes, just like old times_

"I wish I could tell you everything, Spencer"

She huffed "Then why did you come back here? Why did you come back to Rosewood? To torture me?"

"No, Spencer I had no intention of doing that, you have to believe me"

"Believe you? Believe you?

_A whirlwind of uncontrollable emotions overtook her. Just an hour ago, she had been sufficed to take on this day, like the day before and the day before that. She hadn't prepared herself for this, and though at her deepest attempts to calm herself now, she feel like a volcano had just erupted in her chest. The filter had been disconnected between her mind and her mouth, every emotion spilling out._

"Believe you like when I believed that you loved me?

"I did love you, Spencer" he retorted, his disbelief mounting

Spencer scoffed "Yeah, right, you loved me" she said shaking her head "But when it came time for you to fight for me, you ran off like a frightened little boy!"

"Spencer I did fight for you!"In the end, I did what I thought was best for you!"

Spencer could not believe her ears. After all this time, that was his elaborate excuse?

He was doing what was best for her?

"You- you thought you were doing what was best for me?" she demanded "How is losing the only person you've ever loved 'what's best for them', Toby?

"Spencer, you don't understand!"

"Then make me understand!" she said choking back tears. She willed herself not to cry, now was not the time for tears. "Damn it Toby, help me understand!"Help me understand, why after three hours I stood in the God damn rain waiting for you to show up after you promised me!" her voice cracked, unsteady and wobbly. "You promised that we would fight everything together, that what we were going through was just another opposition that we should stick together!"

She turned her back, throwing her hands in the air "Help me understand, Toby why you made me fall completely in love with you, just to drag my heart through dirt!"Help me understand why you left that night, and then I heard nothing from you after!"No calls! No letters! Nothing!" she was surprised at her own tone, she had known she was hurt, just not the intensity of it. But now here, it all came out, unhindered.

She turned around, facing him; he seemed to have aged five years over her rant. His eyes were deeply burrowed into the floor beneath him, and though he had hardly spoken, his voice seemed exhausted.

"I left because I loved you, Spencer can't you see that?" he searched her eyes for the answer

The words infuriated Spencer even more; she sent her hand through her long hair, biting her lips again to calm herself.

He continued:

"Spencer, I don't expect you to forgive me"

She clasped her hands over her face, muffling an exasperated breath, but she left him continue.

"I am truly sorry for what I did."And especially for the way I did the time, I thought the only way you could have any peace of mind, was if I was out of the picture.I thought with time you would have gotten tired of the never ending cycle of battles that we had to face every day here in day it was something new, your father, Melissa, A, Alison, the lies and the secrets that we got covered in, we were buried so deep in all of it, that we couldn't find our way out I'd look into your eyes and I'd see your spirit dying, and I saw that vibrant, determined, passionate person that you were slowly fading away, I saw you being suffocated by it all… I knew that I was part of the problem and the fact that I know I was causing all of that…."

He looked down; tears brimming at his delicate blue eyes "I didn't want you to fight for me, again."So I left"

"So you left" Spencer said definitely. You left.

She took a deep breath, looking through the glass door again

"What do you want from me Toby? What are you expecting here? She asked her voice still uncomposed.

He took a moment, then shaking his head, he replied "Nothing Spencer, the fact that I got to tell you I'm sorry is all that matters right now"

"….And if Hanna doesn't want me to work here I'd understand"

He shot Spencer one last look

"I better go" he murmured. He looked awkwardly up at the ceiling, biting his bottom lips.

"Goodbye, Spencer" and then he turned and left through the door that not too long ago he had entered.

Toby had barely left the store, when Spencer allowed the sobs to rack her body. Sliding on the wall onto the floor she let all of her emotions out.

* * *

Hanna, Aria, Emily and Brian sat at the Rear Window Brew, a few blocks down from the store drinking coffee. Despite Brian's efforts to draw Hanna's attention back to the plans for the store, the girl seemed perplexed, mentally elsewhere.

Aria and Emily casts polite smiles in Brian's direction, they were in a state of shock too, just not as distracted as Hanna.

"You see here," he pointed to the sheet of paper

"I want to knock out this wall and replace it with a large frame glass- "Brian tried

He looked up at a very preoccupied Hanna, craning her neck, her eyes searching the street.

"Hanna did you hear me? Brian pressed on

"Uh huh" Hanna replied absent-mindingly.

"Walls….knockout….sounds good" she gave him a thumps up before again looking back in the direction of the street.

"Okay, well you need to just give me-

"Hold that thought" Hanna said holding one finger the air. She got up from her seat, supposedly finding what she had been looking for.

She crossed the road, hastily trying despite her heels to catch up to the man.

"Toby!" she yelled from the distance.

He continued to walk, urgently.

"Toby" she called again, frantically waving her arm in the air, to catch his attention.

She stopped in her position, putting every effort into calling his name again

"Toby!

The man came to a halt, turning his head.

She walked quickly closing in the distance between them

"Toby, didn't you hear me calling you" she asked once she was close enough

He slung his bag over his shoulder. "Ummm no….sorry, my mind was kind of preoccupied"

Hanna looked up at the slightly taller male, his eyes already answering the question she was about to ask.

"Did you tell her?" Hanna asked anyway, slightly out of breath

"No- and I'm not going to"

He looked down, and then returned his eyes to hers, his eyes squinting in the sunlight.

"Not right now, anyway"

"Toby, you have to tell her the reason why you left"

"Will it make a difference now, Hanna? He insisted

"Hating me is enough; I don't want her to hate her father or Melissa"

"So you prefer for her to hate you for the rest of her life?

He pondered this thought for a moment "Why stir up old troubles?"

Hanna searched his eyes, they were unmoving, she saw that he had already made up his mind.

She let out a breath, defeated and resigned "Okay, Toby…if that's what you want,"

"I just think its best" were his final words as she turned again, heading in the direction of his truck.

Hanna remained baffled in the hot daylight, as she watched Toby drive off. She threw her hands in the air.

What the hell had she gotten herself into?

* * *

Later that night Spencer sat at the window sill of her bedroom, peering into the dark night. The street was void of any human life, as the wind blew a sweet, fresh wind through the window.

Her mind wandered to Toby. She had put up restraints on her memory, shielding them up, and making sure they were never impenetrable, but she allowed herself to think about it now. For the first time, _she permitted_ herself to venture into that territory. She decided that she had to face those giants, if she ever wanted to overcome them. If she was to ever get over this hurt and pain, she would have to look it straight in the eye. Today, she had left all her anger out, and that was good, she thought, but once she had moved past the initial phases, she knew that she would have to forgive him. It was unconceivable to her now, seeing as he gave her no viable reason to, but she needed more to do this for herself. She needed her soul to be completed free of the weight of unforgiveness she carried around for so long.

The thoughts rolled in her mind: _Fate had answered her call, just at the point when she wanted to avoid it._

_This bitterness had clung to her heart for so long, could she unhinge it?_

_Could she work with him?_

_Could she see his face, every day after not seeing him for two years?_

_Maybe it was too soon to be delving straight into her heartache to sort it out._

_Hanna would be counting on her to help with the building and Spencer would never ask her to fire Toby, doing that would be uncharacteristic of her_.

She needed to make a decision. The sooner, the better.

She took up her phone, weighing her options, and then with a surge of decisive energy she dialed Hanna's number.

**A/N: Gosh, sorry that I'm so corny. I can't seem to help it!**

**I'm trying to get my writing better, but the thing is I write a lot of poetry and it's hard for me to come out of that format, so please forgive me**

**Okay, I know there's a lot of Spoby angst, but I believe the greater the battle the sweeter the victory! ( And it's always darkest before the dawn. Ha). I really want to develop the process between them carefully, you know Hurt Forgiveness Trust Love. So please bear with me. Anyways, I really need your feedback; you know there's always room for improvement. So you tell me! And as always you guys are magnificent.**

**The song Love by Sia, if you don't already know it, it's absolutely breathtaking, I used it when writing this chapter. Check it out**

**Until next time, Mwah!**

**-Tané**


	4. Your Heart Speaks Loudest

**Partially reedited. I made a mess of it so I had to redo it (it was gnawing away at me) Los sientos! Thank you again, as always. Gracias!**

**Playlist: I Know It's Over- Jeff Buckley**

Your Heart Speaks Loudest.

_In my mind love and you are synonymous_

_In my heart, you'll always be love…_

Hanna's phone sent a jarring ring through the kitchen of her flat, intersecting the conversation she was presently having. Turning abruptly, she glanced over the screen before pressing the call end button.

"As I was saying," she smacked her lips "she was wearing this bright yellow dress with these horrible, obscene- "

"Okay, Han, who we are talking about?" Emily asked, her face puckered in confusion.

The blonde girl's mouth opened in slight disbelief "The girl across the street from my store! Have you been listening to me?"

Emily stared at the dark coffee floating in her mug "It's hard to concentrate when you're phone keeps ringing every five minutes." All excitement from telling her gossipy story faded as Hanna stirred uncomfortably on her stool, clearing her throat to relieve some of the looming guilt that she felt. Emily's eyes narrowed, her interest was perked by her best friend's sudden uneasiness.

"Who was it? She probed, careful not to reveal her itching curiosity. "Was it Caleb?"

Hanna sucked in a large breath "Umm, no." She shuffled again "It was Spencer"

"You know Han, you can't avoid her for the rest of your life" Emily said warily "Sooner or later, you'll have to speak to her"

"I'm hoping later" Hanna mumbled under her breath

This did not escape Emily's ear. She studied her best friend; taking in the faint semi circles (beneath layers of concealer) that resided under her eyes, her over tanned skin and the way she fidgeted nonstop with her fingernails. _ Was Hanna feeling guilty? But why? Maybe, she was avoiding Spencer because she hired Toby. Surely Hanna knew it was Toby she was hiring when she did, Emily had concluded_

A catapult of questions streamed through her mind, one in a particular taking a special dominance on the tip of her tongue.

"Why did you hire Toby?" Emily heard herself say.

"What do you mean? Hanna was quick with her response, a sharp defensive edge attached to it. She searched mindlessly for a task to preoccupy her sweaty, trembling hands, and when she found none, she returned again to nervously peeling the recently applied nail polish from her fingernails.

"You did hire him didn't you? Why?" Emily pressed

Hanna looked up, a feigned calm atop a mesh of worry, fear and reluctance on her face. Nipping her lip eagerly, she resisted the words that threatened to leave her mouth, only conceding when she realized that Emily's persistence was unfaltering.

"I wanted him to come back to Rosewood" she blurted.

"Why?"

Their eyes danced together for a moment, anxiety frothing over on Emily's face.

"Because I wanted to make things right"

"Right?" Emily queried "What do you mean, right?

A pit of resistance forming at the back of her throat, Hanna gulped loudly. She dashed her focus to the place mat in front of her before she spilled her soul "I know the reason why he left." Hanna could practically hear the wheels turning in Emily's head, a fire of thoughts ignited there. The dark haired girl stumbled to find the right words "But, I-we- Spencer- that night-"she failed to formulate.

"I've never told Spencer" Hanna offered, before she added dully "God knows I wanted to so many times"

"So why didn't you?" Emily asked her voice underlined with slight anger that sprung from her confusion.

Hanna became irate "It's not my place to tell her"

"You're her best friend, Han. You two spent three years together, how you could not tell her"

"It's complicated okay?"

"How so?

A beat of silence past with just the unsteady rise and fall of the girls chest. Though a mere second, it was enough though, to put Emily on the verge of collapsing.

"I promised Toby" Hanna said weakly "I gave him my word"

Emily's urgent need dissolved, the sad edge to Hanna's voice was enough to cause her to twirl with remorse.

"I felt bad okay?... I felt guilty and somehow responsible. So when we decided to move back to Rosewood, I thought it'd be the perfect … I wanted to make things better for her- for both of them, and I thought that if I got Toby to come back then I could persuade him to tell her the truth" Hanna confessed

"What is the truth?"

A heavy silence fell over them. Hanna stared directly at Emily, her face conveying the need for her unburdening. She had carrying around this guilt, this weight for so long that the thought of someone sharing it with her, seemed nothing short of ideal. _But shouldn't that person be Spencer?_ She thought. She had come so close to spilling it all last year, when Spencer had been so broken and wanted to find Toby. It was inches away on her tongue but she had thought, however to the mounts of collateral damage that her confession might cause. This lie had become a tangled web, with many intermediates and grey shaded areas and when truth and lies were set side by side they were hardly distinguishable. And though it was unfortunate that this great decision had befallen her, she had decided, with great regret that moving on would be a better option for Spencer- that it would be better for everyone.

"Hanna?" her worry washed friend interjected her thoughts

"Sit down" Hanna commanded her friend. She took a heavy breath, the thought of telling something and they feeling that it would incur overrode her hesitance. _She needed to tell someone, she decided._

"Promise me that you won't tell anyone…"

"Promise" Emily gave a definite nod, leaning forward expectantly "Go on, I'm listening" she urged

Aria sent her hand through her thick wavy hair and checked her watch again. He was late or maybe he wasn't coming, she had called him twice today. Once, to make arrangements for their meeting and the second time, to confirm that he was still coming. It had been nearly 20 minutes since she had arrived at the coffee shop two doors down from her photography studio and she had been all kinds of nervous. She felt as though she was going into barred territory and was somewhat uncertain if this would count as meddling. However, this nudging, irritating feeling had dominated most of her days since he had arrived and turn Spencer's life up-sided down. She felt as though she needed to do this need to do this. She was her best friend after all, and it pained her to see her distraught. Hopefully, she thought, she wouldn't make matters worse.

_I will be hard and assertive. Straight to the point, she mused_. However all her tenacity faded when she saw Toby, his blue eyes scanning the crowd in the wildly pack store. With her insides turned to mush, she unconsciously slumped slightly in her chair, hoping that he wouldn't see her, but when she peep up from under a mesh of her hair, she found him standing, one hand on the table and a questioning look on his face.

Bolts of embarrassing color swept up her neck, as she straightened herself, repositioning in a normal manner. She tried to assume an air of professionalism to 'sweep' their embarrassing introduction under the rug, but Toby already had a smirk on his face.

He was the first to speak, as he took the seat opposite hers "So you wanted to talk to me?

Aria jolted "Um, yea." Then to add a feel of normalcy, she added "But I have to warn you might not like it"

The messy haired man sighed bracing himself for a long and overdue scolding from one of former best friends. _The how could you and the stay away from her, and the why the hell did you come back speech, he sulked_. However he was instantly astounded when he heard what she had to say.

"You have to take the job!" she burst out. _10 points for getting straight to the point, minus 5 for alerting the whole coffee shop, she thought smiling nervously at her neighbor. _

His reply was almost instantaneous as he surged with confusion "What? Why?

"Because it's only way, you'll see Spencer everyday" she whined ._Did I really just say that? Minus 100!_

Toby's confusion excavated and he could think of no proper reply. _Maybe this was temporary insanity on her part, he thought. _

Aria took the reins, her determination setting in "Why did you come back to Rosewood, Toby?

"Because I was offered a job" He said matter of factly. So matter of fact, that Aria felt the reins slipping from her hands.

"And you didn't stop to think that you'll run into Spencer?" _Back on track!_

"Well, yes I did, but- but_- "What the hell was this, a witness stand?_

"Well then maybe there was part of you that wanted to run into her, after all Rosewood is a small town, and the chances of seeing her would increase if you were working with Hanna"_ Lawyered! Aria did a mental gig._

Recognizing his defeat, Toby fell silent. If he was being honest, his heart had led him here. He had tons of job offers back in LA, but when he heard of the chance to come back to Rosewood, with a chance that'd he see her there too, his heart had leapt from his chest and before he knew it, he was packing his few belongings into a suitcase, on the first flight out to Pennsylvania. His heart, however had ceased up, when he saw how furious Spencer had been. It was once thing to imagine things; it was another to witness them.

For the first time, since then Toby wondered if he could take the job

Hell, the whole coffee shop wanted to know, if he'll take the job, as they were just as engaged in the loud, animated conversation, the two strangers in the corner were having

Assuming a more understanding tone, Aria began again "I considered us very close friends once upon a time" she squint her eyes for affirmation in his. Something of a knowing look past between them, a private knowledge, only shared between them. Aria's mind diverted off the freeway for a moment_. I was hoping he would forget! Selective amnesia, if that was a thing! But now he's looking at me, with his sympathetic eyes!_

She steered back to her present mission "That's why I feel comfortable enough to say this." She breathed out, heavily "I've seen you and Spencer together, and I've seen you apart. You guys have something special, something real, and something that's worth fighting for. It may take a while to get back there, but if you're willing enough you will. A line of triumph ran across the girl's face as she saw Toby considering her words. She wanted to get the point across to him as much as possible and now that his walls were crumbling, she aimed to see them vanish all together "Your heart speaks loudest Toby; all you have to do is listen"

They spoke only with their eyes for a moment, until Toby diverted his eyes back to the table in front of him.

_Had I won, she thought?_

Spencer shifted through the contents of the large wooden box: an old chap stick. A chop stick? One high heel shoe, a gold bracelet….a silver one…. a stringed one….

She sat on the bed frustrated._ What had she expected? Something of sentimental value? This was Ali after all._

This morning after drilling her for answers about her wellbeing, Jason had dropped off yet another one of Alison's hidden treasure. They kept popping up everywhere, even after all of these years.

Spencer shrugged. She always got super excited when something from Ali turned up, just to be disappointed with useless nonsense. She laid flat on her back, looking up at the ceiling and then with a new determination, jerked upright.

_There had to be something! _ She unlatched the box once more, sending a putrid, moldy waft through the air. Rummaging carelessly through stack of girlhood paraphernalia, she swore mindless at her bipolar behavior. When she was fed up, she chucked the content unto the bed, deciding to search the box itself instead.

Her finger clicked on something hard beneath the surface of the box, and like she was accustomed to secret passageways, Spencer lifted it revealing rolls of letters there. _Why would she hide these?_ Spencer already knew the answer. Everything was a game to her Alison. The first one was address to Aria- three pages long. She placed it on the bed beside her. Hanna's and Emily's letter were next- both double paged and to her surprise one for Jenna. That should be interesting, Spencer thought. Finally she came to the last one, donned in Alison's bubbly handwriting. Spencer held the tips of the single paper in her hands, eager to find out what Ali had really thought of her. She made a mental note, to count the number of times she called her a bitch.

_Dear Spencer_…. She grazed over the introduction_. Let's get straight to the juicy part she thought._ Something about shoes…..

Summer times at her beach house. Skip!

_Hot guys from the coffee shop….._

Aha! She cried out loud, at her first 'Bitch Sighting'

_Spencer, I know I've been a bitch lately…._ Spencer went over the words to make she was reading correctly. The air went insipid and dry as she continued

…_I know it feels like I ditch you ever chance I get, that I don't care about our friendship anymore. And that my pursuit to be fabulous has put a strain on our relationship. I feel us drifting apart and I want to save it, but every morning I say 'this is the day' I feel like in the end I screw it up._

_I feel like the reason why we always fight with each other is because of how alike we are: Set, determined, unfettered by emotions. We would almost do anything to get the things we want._

_But the difference, the thing that set you apart from me, is that you actually care. It took me a long time to recognize it and I saw your unwillingness to rip someone else's heart out as weakness. It was only when I was lost in my ways that I realized, that it was the opposite. Your determination sprung from passion while mines from greed. Then I began to notice things that I hadn't before like how deeply you love, or how you mull over things for hours, and cry at silly television shows and most of all, how you forgive._

_Trust me. I've been on the other end of your forgiveness so many times, and every time when I say 'this is it? This is the last straw. You always surprise me by proving me wrong. _

_So if I never get to say it again, I love you Spence. And I wish that you always remind the awesome person that you are._

_Xo xo, Ali._

_P. S. For your eyes only _

Scrubbing her eyes from the tears that had consumed her over the short minutes of reading the letter, Spencer set it down beside her and took up the phone.

Toby grabbed his leather from the hook in this apartment. Aria had become a freaking Buddha- her words had hit home for him and had haunted him since she had spoken them. He had resolved that even if things between him and Spencer didn't work out that there would be a comforting joy in seeing her every day. Still, at the back of his mind, he wondered if this was a lost fight to begin with.

His thoughts were interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. Simultaneously, putting on his jacket and opening the door, he was suddenly face to face with Spencer.

Toby's heart galloped his arms mid sleeve. "Spencer?" he called, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming "What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you"

"Do you want to come in?" he offered, removing the jacket from his broad shoulders.

"No, I'm only here for a while"

Toby fell silent allowing her to speak.

"I spoke to Hanna earlier today…. I told her I'd do the job"

"Oh"

"Yes, look she told me you are the best at what you do, and I don't want to be the reason she doesn't have the best. Okay? So please don't let me stop you" She breathed unsteadily, casting her eyes onto his welcome mat "And even though this is the hardest thing I think I've ever did, I'm putting Hanna's needs before mines. I'm setting my feeling aside…..to help Hanna…and I hope you can do the same"

Toby looked at her for a moment, reading the flashes of emotions across her face "I can do that" he said softly

"Fine" she replied despite her racing heart and dried throat

"Fine" he smiled

"Monday"

"Monday" he mimicked

She twisted awkwardly on her feet, before heading down the hallway.

Toby watched her, until her shadow, trailing behind her had disappeared. When she had gone, her absence had left an inexplicable hollow, as though she had spent many days there.

He shut the door and leaned against, a new gleam in his eyes.

**Hiya! So this was not my best, still reeling from the flu, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. Tell me what you thought. **

**Much love**

**-T**


	5. Many Rivers To Cross

**KABOOM! Here's another chapter for ya!**

**Playlist: Every Tear is A Waterfall Coldplay**

**Many Rivers To Cross**

_Though the road seem un ended_

_And the rivers seems so too_

_I'll climb the highest mountain_

_If I means getting back to you_

Emily had come with a mission. Her determination was fueled by pure, unadulterated angry and more than a hint of alcohol, if she was honest.

Her eyes scoured the room, searching fervently for the desired target. She forcefully grabbed a fistful of her flowing blue dress, hoisting to avoid her mildly intoxicated self from tripping over it. Thrusting her way, almost hypnotically, through replicas of expensively- bought-dresses, diamond arrayed women with upturn noses and haughty glances, she found herself at a table. She leaned on it on for support, before scanning the room again. She noticed the women more closely this time, clutching their purses tightly whenever someone who was deemed 'unfit' came in close proximity to them. "Stuck up- bitches" Emily thought.

She turned back to her task. It would be hard to find the woman in this sea of people. She was a carbon copy of nearly every woman in the large, antique-looking room.

The dark haired girl's search was interrupted by the tapping of a microphone overhead, followed rapidly by the dramatic clearing of a throat, obviously propelled towards reigning in the audience's attention.

"Ahem" the voice came, succeeded by a deafening silence. "I like to thank each and every one to for making it here to the 40th Annual Rosewood's Art Gala" A rowdy round of applause lighted the room, with a mechanic, almost tangible feeling of elite.

"I'm Melissa Hastings, and I'll be your host for the evening"

The dour line on Emily's face downturned even further as she snapped her head to the stage. Decked, elegantly in a form fitting royal blue dress, her jewels shining almost blindly in the stage light, was the person she was looking for.

The woman bent her head slightly to speak, as she was towering above the microphone "It's indeed both an honor and a privilege to be here tonight. Words cannot express how much the Arts means to me and my family." Melissa waited for a response from the audience, only being rewarded with a few, sporadic, scattered applause. She continued with a tight smile "It's to my absolute delight to be chosen to host tonight's event. We all know that without the arts, we would not have this beautiful gallery…." Melissa's words became blurry, as though the edges of them were dipped in grey.

Look at her up there. What did she have to say for herself? Emily thought sourly

"…. and we'll like to thank the 'Painted Hearts Foundations' for their numerous and hearty donations" Another bout of applause. Emily was growing tired and agitated by the minute.

Why the hell did it seem that evil people always got away Scott free?

Emily's eyes narrowed in rage, as Melissa continued her speech "I promise myself I would tell this story, but my husband, George" she gestured to him, the magnitude of her smile quadrupling "You guys might know him from the mayoral campaign…."

'Of course, she had to brag, Perfect life for a perfect girl…." Melissa's word cut back in "….And he wanted to buy this insane art piece…." Her thoughts took dominion again 'Hanna's convinced she knows the whole truth but she doesn't, if she knew the half of it…." Melissa was now laughing heartedly, her diamond studded finger gracefully on her chest. Emily was overwhelmed; she felt her black demon of bitterness rise from the pit of her stomach.

"Fraud!" Emily shouted, sending the room into a heightened silence. Every head snapped in her direction. High society men and women glance at her, and then turned their faces away judgmentally from the swaying girl. Melissa face, washed of all animation and color was highlighted by the beaming rays of the overhead light, shining pointedly at her. She swallowed down the embarrassment, threading on with a menacing calm. "Please remember not to drink so much, I mean that's what the after party's for" Melissa tried. George gave a supporting laugh at his wife's attempt; however the crowd was much the wiser. Somehow, her tranquility infuriated Emily even more "You're a fraud! That's what you are!" she screamed even louder this time, making sure that any ear that missed her first outburst would be sure to hear the second.

Melissa sent a shaking hand over her eyes, shading them from the blinding light " Emily?"

She turned back to the crowd politely "She's a friend a friend of mine, will you please excuse me?" she said before tipping cautiously down the steps from the stage.

When Melissa reached Emily, the smile on her face instantly vanished; her eyes became large and angry. Her face took on a whole new persona that scared Emily to the core of her being. Aware, that she was being closely watched, she grabbed Emily's arm, subtly digging her fingernail into her soft flesh. Emily pulled away roughly causing further commotion "Let go of me" she raged

"Why are you doing this?" Melissa said angrily between clenched teeth

"Did you do it?" Emily asked a little too loudly

"Do what?" Melissa spat

"Don't play stupid with me, Melissa!" Emily shot back in equal ferocity

Melissa rolled her eyes. "I don't have time for you silly games" She turned on her heels, heading back the direction she came.

"I know what you did to Toby!"

This was enough to stop the brunette in her tracks. She twisted ghost-face, a horror of tangled fear and conviction disheveling her face.

She looked around hastily "Not here," she prompted in a hushed tone. This time, Emily allowed herself to be directed through the crowd, a wave of eyes still leering.

* * *

"Why is it, that we're always late" Aria looked at her blonde friend, mindlessly handing a man at the door her jacket.

"Don't look at me. It was Spencer this time" Hanna too took of her jacket, revealing the sultry skin color dress she was wearing. She looked down at herself in joyous approval.

Spencer was already surveying and categorizing the crowd. Plump, pear- shaped men with whiskey glasses. Check. Rich woman with hidden contempt and disdain. Check. Eager two- something years old, yearning to be seen. Check. Toby. Check. Wait –what-Toby? She retracted her eyes.

Clad in a tailored blacker- than - night tuxedo, a pressed, curt tie was Toby. His hair was perfectly messy. His blue eyes shone. He looked absolutely darling, she thought and she found her mouth water with old desires.

Not that she hadn't noticed it all week at work; she would steal glances of him, catching him, stealing glances of her. Tonight, though, he looked completely prestige, fresh, and gallant. A huge fresh glass of soothing Toby, she licked her lips mindlessly.

"You're coat ma'am…" the man interrupted her edging- on- lustful thoughts. She handed it to him carefully, thanking him politely.

Snap out it, Spencer. She compelled herself

"Why didn't you guys tell me Toby was here?" Spencer asked her two friends once they had immersed themselves into the crowd.

"And give you more reason not to come?" Hanna asked cautiously. Spencer was already in a mood. She had pulled a thousand excuses out her ass, not to come, but with some heavy coaxing and promises of tubs Ben & Jerry ice cream, Spencer was persuaded. That didn't stop her from grumbling, however.

"He looks yummy though" Hanna prompted, "Don't you think Spence?"

When she heard no response, she turned around briskly "Spence? Spencer?"

She turned to her miniature friend; her black elegant dress seemingly to be woven to her dewy skin. It hugged her curves in the right places and then flowed stylishly onto the floor. "Where the hell did she go?" Hanna asked irate.

Aria placed her dark blue painted fingernails to her chin "She left a about a second ago, Han"

Hanna threw her hands in the air, frustrated "You should have seen them at work all week,"

"Who?" Aria asked, alerted by Hanna's abrupt flare-up.

"Spencer and Toby!" Hanna gave her a duh-dummy look "Keep up, Aria."

Aria shook her head hopelessly "What happened?" she groaned

"They were stoic, like robots!" Hanna fumed "They wouldn't even talk to each other! When she wanted to tell Toby anything, she told Brian to tell him. Gosh, it's like working with your divorced parents! And you should have seen how clueless Brian was! Flirting with Spencer and shit!"

Aria gave a low chuckle, then straighten her face was she saw that Hanna was serious. The blonde girl, her hair, twisted charmingly in French braids, snagged two champagne glasses from the passing waiter. Handing one to Aria, she downed the content of her glass, "I've been trying all week, to get them at least interact" she said when she had barely finished. "Are you going to finished that" Hanna pointed at Aria's barely sipped champagne. Aria offered her friend her glass, guardedly. "I feel…" Hanna said between gulps "that I should set them up on a blind date with each other…. No….more like lock them in a room together. You know, give them time together, where they can't escape." She set her glass down "That'd be great! She chuckled. Aria joined in, taking little thought to Hanna's words.

Hanna's face grew serious "Holy shit! I'm a genius!" she bellowed

"Huh?"

" I just had the best idea!"

"What are you thinking Han?" Aria asked suddenly wary

She turned to her friend, her eyes widened with new revelation "I should totally lock them in a room together!" she squawked.

"Hanna!" Aria scolded in disbelief, her voice an octave higher.

Hanna's face was unmoving.

Aria's face channeled through a series of emotions: confusion, uncertainty, then realization, all in a split second "Oh my God, you're serious!"

Hanna gave Aria a knowing look, a mischievous, scheming grin across her perfectly made up face. She walked away gingerly, mentally setting her plan into gauge.

The petite girl mince ferociously through the crowd, her short legs working overtime to close the distance between the blond girl, who was turning the corner with a stride.

She caught up to her near the bathroom, breathless "Hanna, you can't lock them in a room together. That's crazy!"

"Well, everyone deserves to be crazy once in a while. Going crazy sometimes keeps you sane"

"Wha- what? Hanna! I think you're drunk"

Hanna waved her hand in front her face "Look are you going to help me or not?" She demanded.

"Me?" Aria asked shocked "How did I get into this plan!"

"Look, if I knew where Emily was, she'd be here right now"

" Oh,so I'm a second option?" Aria asked, mildly hurt.

"Aria, are you in or not?" Hanna gestured wildly. Aria's face was reluctant

"It's for the greater good" Hanna urged on "The ends justifying the means type of thing"

"I can't believe I'm doing this" Aria caved "Come on, friends don't let friends lock unsuspected people in rooms alone"

Hanna gave her a gleeful nod "You get Toby, I'll get Spencer"

She placed her hands on top of each other, in front of her "Okay then, on three, team Haria!" Hanna joked, fully immersed into the routine

"Ugh!" Aria wailed

"Okay, okay. I'm going" Hanna held up her hand in surrender before she and Aria exited, going in opposite directions.

A few paces behind where Aria and Hanna just stood, Emily and Melissa were in a heated argument in the bathroom.

"You have some explaining to do!" Emily demanded. Melissa stood over the sink, her hands holding her steady at the two sides, her head bowed low as though she was about to throw up. She pushed the curtain of hair away from her face "I didn't get rid of Toby. Okay?

"Bullshit!"

There was an obvious strain in Melissa's voice "I'm being honest with you, Emily"

"Not completely!"

Melissa's eyes darted away._ First sign of a liar, Emily thought_. "Did you drug me that night?"

"What- no!" the brunette woman shot back "I think you pretty much did all the drugging yourself"

Emily's teeth barred, she lunged forwards slightly "What the hell happened Melissa?"

Melissa looked into her eyes daringly "You were high- stoned cold high. You were still going through that the-world-hates-me-and-I hate- it -too phase after you lost your scholarship to Danby."

Emily winced at the memory.

"The four of you had come back to Rosewood, after Jenna died." She turned her head away facing the mirror in front of her. Second sign? Emily was unsure.

Melissa pressed on: "When I came home, that night you were on the couch, sobbing uncontrollably. You were inconsolable, and you were looking for Spencer, but she was out. Too wrapped, trying to solve Jenna's murder, to comfort you. So I listened to you. I listened until you fell asleep"

"So you took advantage of me!" Emily bit icily "You used what I said to you against me in court. You made sure that I couldn't testify on Toby's behalf. I was his only alibi!"

"I didn't want to do it!" Melissa said in between sobs "You were so vulnerable-

"Then why the hell did you! Emily raged

" Because I had to do it! …. Melissa screamed. Long dark, streaking of mascara made their way down her face.

"What? Why did you have to do it? Emily snarled

" I – I" Melissa tried before she was overtook with uncontrollable sobs. Emily listened, annoyed, as the echo of her bounced off the walls of the bathroom. But when Melissa's breath intake became sharp and rapid as her air supply was mugged by her wailing, Emily looked at her with growing concern. Grabbing her throat, the woman began a frenzied string of coughs. "Are you okay? Emily asked cautiously.

Melissa shook her head furiously, still aching for breath "Get me husband, get George!" she pleaded. Emily's eyes widened "Oh my God" she cried at the realization that Melissa was probably having a panic attack, something she was prone to after the ordeals that she had suffered over the last three years.

"Just go!" she gasped "Please"

Emily back away out the door- a bundle of emotions tied like weights to her feet, she clumped down the hallways bewildered.

When it was clear that Emily was out of hearing range, Melissa straighten up, a wide toothless grin on her face. I_ deserve an Emmy for that performance she thought_. Striding over the mirror, she fluffed her now askew hair, puckering her lips with delight as she added another layer of lipstick to her mouth. Finally when she had rearranged her mess of a face, she sauntered out of the door. _All in a day's job._

* * *

"Wanna dance?" a middle aged, nearly balding, freckly man asked Spencer.

Spencer swallowed another gulp of her white wine "No, I'm too inhibited"

"Okay, then maybe in an hour?" the man seemed unaffected by her frankness.

"Maybe" Spencer shot him a faux smile. An hour would not make her drunk enough. Not even a lifetime would suffice.

Spencer looked at Hanna chipping hastily in her direction. She greeted Spencer with a wave

"I've been looking for you all night"

"I was here all night. In this position." Spencer took a huge swig of her glass' content "Hoping to get so drunk that I combust from sheer alcohol intake" she added humorously.

"Okaaayyy, that's great!" Hanna's eyes widened impatiently. "Could you do me a tiny favor?" she demonstrated with her index finger and thumb.

"What?" Spencer smacked her lips

"I'm such a spaz, I forgot my purse in the wine room downstairs. Maybe you can't get it for me?"

"Why were you in the wine room" Spencer eyed her suspiciously

_Okay, maybe this plan wasn't as thought through as she had thought. "_I- um, signal- my cellphone-"

_Damn it! Spencer was on to her. _"It was- umm- the only place I could hear my own self …to talk to Caleb" she managed

Spencer's voice was rough and raspy as she removed the champagne glass from her lips "You didn't think to go outside?" she replied uninterested, "Plus why can't you do it?"

"No and…" She tugged the champagne glass from Spencer's grasp forcefully, a wide becoming smile to hide her slight annoyance at her friend's incompliance. "I'm busy "she emphasized, pushing her friend towards the large oak doors

Spencer snapped back around, being one not easily persuaded without reason "busy doing what?" she questioned

"Just go on Spencer!" Hanna snapped gathering the attention of a few guests. She cleared her throat, smoothing her dress "Please, can you do it Spence" she turned on her charm "It's just that Caleb is waiting outside for me…" she swallowed "Since he won't be able to find me in this crowd" she added for security

Spencer reservation faded after a near two minutes of facial tug of war, she sighed " Alright"

Hanna eyes widened with glee, pushing her friend once more to the direction of the huge oak doors. The brunette girl walked on, her red dress clinging snugly to her buttocks, her heels high.

Hanna breathed happily, silently rejoicing, "She's so gullible!" she chuckled.

Meanwhile, Aria's attempt had been much easier. She had played the role of damsel in distress, claiming that there was a collection of art downstairs that she need to see, but was too afraid to go alone. Toby had sweetly obliged but had somehow lost Aria along the way, after he snuck to the bathroom for a quick release.

Spencer grumbled half miserably- half drunkenly under her breath "Yes, Spencer let's go down to a friggin' dark basement by yourself, where no one will hear you scream or see your body being dragged through the door. You should write a book about your profound ability to wind up in dark cellars at night"

A door slammed abruptly, sending Spencer hurtling down the hallways "Never again, never again!" Spencer chanted, her hasty steps causing a riot against the tiled floor. She came abruptly to a stop as her body came in physical contact with another. Spencer looked up. "Melissa? She took one look at her sister "Were you crying?

Melissa composed herself, straightening her dress; she replied tersely "No, I haven't. Now if you'll excuse me. I have to finish hosting, but we can talk later" She was off in a scurry.

Spencer rolled her eyes, typical Melissa! She thought as she trotted on, stepping careful, not to awake the axe murder who would deliver her impending death.

She shook off the slightly wary feeling that accompanied her encounter as she searched for the room _Bathroom…Weird looking room… don't go in there…. Ah…here it is…._

Once inside she was met with a variety of wines stacked up, nearly to the ceiling. Her eyes grazed over the wines, scouting until she spotted Hanna's brown clutch high above her head. She sighed and mumbled sarcastically under her breath "Well of course!" Spencer's hands stretched beyond its limit, she was sure if she stretched anymore it would result in a huge tear down her dress.

"Let me help you with that" a voice called behind her. Before she could object, a hand covered her outstretched hands, swallowing hers in its capacity. The touch sent nodes of prickling electricity down her spine, cause her to shiver unwillingly.

He looked at it and then smile knowingly " Hanna's?"

"Toby" she said in a girlish tone, removing a strand of hair that had somehow got caught in her lipstick with her index finger. She cleared her throat, assuming a harder tone "What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for Aria, she wanted to come down here and see some painting, but then she just disappeared.

"She just ditched you? She asked puzzled

"Yea, I guess she did"

Something was up. Spencer had the feeling at the pit of stomach, one where she was sure of it, yet she wasn't quite sure of it. It was a tricky thing, as often she found that they were sometime mind-made. Okay, let see… What were the chances that she and Toby end up in the same room together? Was this a coincident? Was she reading too much into it? But why was Hanna's purse so high, it was almost like she intentional did and Hanna did seem weird…and awful persistent and Aria- Aria, she wouldn't just ditch Toby. Her rationale and logical kicked in as she rendered a miscalculation. Something was definitely up!

"Spence? Spencer?"

She looked up at Toby; awaken out of her thoughts "Hmm?"

"You okay?"

A moment of puckered silence.

"Do you think that Aria and Hanna…?

He arched his eyebrows " Aria and Hanna what?

A sudden thud, and then the clicking of locks confirmed her wildest thoughts and before she and Toby has both reach the door, she was already sure of it. She looked up at Toby aghast, her eyebrows reaching her hairline, her mouth in a small 'O' and an exact expression on his face.

"It's locked!" she rasped

**Gosh, this was so long that I had to divide it in two, so tell me what ya you like the idea of Spencer and Toby being locked in a room together? Cause I kinda do, they are endless possibilities. Is that totally ludicrous of me? Do you think Haria's scheme will work? **

**Au Revouir **

**-Tan é**


	6. The Winding Roads

**Enjoy **

**Playlist-Gin Wigmore- Saturday Smile**

**The Winding Roads**

_Things change,_

_People grow_

-Hanna Marin

Spencer was livid. Both she and Toby rushed to the now closed door, frantically pulling on the locks. "It's locked!" Spencer screeched, her eyes wide as saucers, and then they grew a little larger when she was finally hit with the revelations of her earlier pricking. "Oh my God they actually locked us in here!"

She pulled desperately at the knobs, a string of profanity escaping her mouth.

"I'm going to kill them until they're dead!" Spencer exclaimed, not making sense at all

"Why are you convinced that it's them?" Toby questioned, following the frantic pacing girl.

"Because this is the type of thing they do!" she shot, agitated by her friends' sneakiness, and Toby's oblivion "I bet it was Hanna's idea, her and her stupid, stupid face!" she clamored childishly "I can't believe this!"

"Both of them are responsible, if it was even them at all"

"Ughhhhhh!" Spencer bellowed .This was no time for equal distribution of blame; she was mad and didn't need her temporary insanity to be challenged. Everything seemed to be magnified for Spencer, the dress she wore now seemed suffocatingly tight as it clung to her body, the room seemed like a furnace, her anxiety and panic seemed heightened …and damn it, she though, even Toby's eyes seemed bluer…

"Calm down Spence-

"Don't tell me to calm down!" she rioted, her hands sweeping away the beads of perspiration on her forehead " When I get hold of them, I'll squeeze their little necks off," Spencer said through clenched teeth ,demonstrating with her hands.

Toby gave a worried look "Okay, I think you're overacting just a bit" The look that Spencer shot him was enough for him to add "Just a tad"

Spencer let out a horrified lament, before striding over to the door, banging furiously on it till the blood in her small hands evaded it, sending a nearly crippling cramp through her arm. ""Shit!" she bellowed.

"I don't think that anyone can hear you, those doors are thick as ever" he prompted. "And…" he held up his cellphone " there's no signal…"

A flash of defeat cross Spencer face but was immediately replaced with determination, "Turn around!" she commanded

Confused, Toby tried to protest "What? Spencer" his tone held a nagging edge to it. What was she up to now? "Turn around" she ordered again. With some hesitance, he turned around, facing bottles of expensive wines.

"What are you doing? He asked

"Nothing. Just keep your head in that direction" she pleaded.

After a moment, she said sulkily "Okay I might need your help. C'mere"

Toby turned around to see Spencer's dress slightly tumbled, the strap hanging lazily from her arm. His brows furrowed in confusion, he shot her a questioning look.

She beckoned him, then turn around, her back to him, "I just need to you to unzip my dress" she cleared her throat awkwardly. Toby was dumbfounded, as a sudden heat rose in his neck "What?" he fumbled, taking in the back of her head.

"Just help me" she urged, wiggling her shoulders "If I could do it myself I would"

Toby stood behind his former girlfriend, uneasy not sure if to decline or go on with it. He oblige aversely. Clearing his seized up throat, he held the small zipper between his fingers and inched his way down her back. There was an intensified heat added to the mix, as both of them held their breath in heightened anticipation. Shards of electricity shot up her back, where his fingers came in contact with her skin.

"All done!" he managed. And the air dissipated completely leaving a vague longing in the pit of his stomach.

"Thank you. Now turn around again"

He obeyed, facing the bottles and bottles of wines_. The things rich people do with their money, he thought._

Behind him, Spencer sleekly fixed herself when she had accomplished her task. "Okay you can turn around now" she finally said. In her hands, was the bone of her brassiere, she smiled mischievously, and then turned to pick at the lock of the door.

After a whole fifteen minutes of precariously picking, Spencer snapped around frustrated "Aren't you going to help me?"

"No" he said flatly before returning to the games of cards he was currently winning on his phone. Spencer huffed in agitation "Why not?"

He said without looking up "because it's hopeless, these door actually don't use keys, these use cards"

Spencer's head hit the roof "You knew that the whole time and you didn't think to tell me?" she was furious, veins bursting at her neck. Toby, on the other side of the room remained cool and collected "You didn't ask me"

"Ugh! Spencer screamed before slumping down on the ground "How can you be so calm about this" she asked visibly exhausted. He shrugged, "I just thought if Hanna and Aria did locked us in here, that they'd let us out too"

"Ooh, you do not know Hanna," she said "One time she forgot I was standing beside her"

"Well, that's reassuring" Toby joked. Spencer let out a small laugh, relaxed for the first time since she was locked in "Well, if it wasn't them that did it," She looked around at the room "I mean, we could survive in here with all these wines"

"Or die from alcohol consummation" Toby added with a chuckle. Spencer turned to her purse sprawled across the floor " I have this… ah…" she pulled out a small Kit- Kat bar , and held it triumphantly into the air " We could share" she offered

"If we eat that now, what will we eat later?" Toby asked half-jokingly

Smiling Spencer released the bar of chocolate from the wrapper and broke it in two, handing him a piece "What is this? The Hunger Games?" This caused Toby to laugh, nearly choking on the snack "As if!" he hooted. Spencer barreled into laughter too, a good belly laugh that took her breath away.

"I'd probably die first if this was the Hunger Games" Toby chuckled "I'd probably eat all the 'nightlock' I see!" Somehow, this amused Spencer as she buckled in convulsions "I'd probably be a Career Tribute!" Spencer mused. Toby let out a loud guffawed, covering his mouth his large hand, a tears of mirth tricking down his face.

Soon their laughter had died down to low 'mhmms' and throaty giggles, until they were overcome with thoughts of actually participating in the actually Games and grew silent. The room was comfortably silent, as Toby propped himself on his elbow and Spencer's sat with her hands at her side. She shivered slightly. "You cold?" he asked

"No" she shivered again. Before Spencer could protest, Toby was already taking off his fitted tux jacket and swooping it around her. A small gap apart where his shirt and pants didn't quite meet revealed his skin. Her eyes lock onto what was written there, above the tattoo that read '901 Free at last' was another, one she had never seen it before on his hip bone.

'Toujours et à jamais' it read, 'Forever and Always.' She mentally translated.

"When did you get that?" Spencer's voice was shaky. The brown hair man looked down at the gap where his skin was revealed and quickly covered himself. His eyes shifted nervously, as he made efforts to speak, but nothing but only incomprehensible grunts escaped his throat.

Spencer's face went sullen as the tattoo immediately triggered a memory:

"_Listen to this" a 19 year old Spencer urged her boyfriend, who was packing to return home from his visit to her campus. He walked to where she laid flat on the bed, one knee up, the other laying straight. She held a book above her face '100 Love Sonnets' by Pablo Neruda. Lately, she had been caught up in a stream of poetry reading, sharing the ones she thought were simply beautiful._

_He cleared his throat "I'm listening." he smiled sweetly as she began_

"_I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that I fall asleep your eyes close."_

_She breathe unsteadily, obviously overcome with the beauty of what she had just read, she looked down at Toby, his eyes glistening with pure love and unspeakable joy. He crept slowly over her, and pulling the book from her grasp, he set it down on the bedside table. Removing strands of her from her face, he gazed into her eyes lovingly, his pupils dilating revealing a passionate desire in his azure eyes. They stood like that for a moment, not communicating with words but an inexplicable stream of wordless expression, before he bent to her ear, the soft, short hair on her face rising at the contact, her whisper:_

"_I will love you even in the darkest of days. I will love you regardless of the battles we face. Death can do nothing to part us, because even when we cease to exist as we are, our souls will forever be knitted in eternity". _

_A spasm of electrical waves went down Spencer's spine as Toby whispered his final words "Forever and Always"_

"_Who wrote that?" she asked, when he was once again staring into her brown eyes. He smiled, a certain twinkle in his eyes "Me" he said. _

_His warm lips enveloped hers, making her body hot, then cold, before repeating itself again. She shivered all over at the contact of his mouth against hers, and though she was lying down her head felt dizzy, and light….. and free. Was it possible to love someone this much? That you ache at the sheer thought of it? That love encompassed every inch of your being until it felt like you were going to explode from its magnitude of it? _

_Yes. She decided when they had broken apart, and he looked into her eyes again, once again communicating with their secret language._

"Forever and always…" Spencer smiled, a bittersweet feeling lingering in her. Toby sighed; he had felt such a lost- losing Spencer was almost unbearable. Seeing her, and not having her almost caused him to die. His insides writhed at the sight of her sitting on the floor, her dress fluid past her ankles. She was beautiful, this was no secret, she took his breath away, and seeing her again after all these years, didn't lessen the impact she had on him.

He took a seat beside her, close enough to feel the heat extending from her body. Here there were, speaking that wordless language, although their eyes stared straight ahead.

"What we had was real." Toby said. Though this was a statement, it gave the feeling of a question and so familiar, with his ways, she answered "It was…" her eyes told the story of her mind, she seemed far away, living a memory.

Spence…" he edged closer to her, and she looked up at his face "Will we ever be able to get past this?" She breathed in wobblingly, her eyes darted to his hands, pressed against the floor. The mood was somber with an almost palpable bittersweet feel, so thick that she could taste it on the tip of her tongue. She was honest with him, he valued honesty. "I don't know Toby…" she stared into his blue eyes and allowed them to consume her for a moment "…I feel like this is a road- a journey…. And I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't still hurting…" The man's shoulders slumped as she continued "…but I'm getting there…." She added with an edge of hope in her voice "You just need to give me some time" she finished.

"Then time it is!" he tried to sound optimistic, but it ended up sounding more like disappointment. To dissolve the heavy atmosphere that hung around them she added, "But we do have to act less tense around each other at work" she tried "Before Hanna kicks our asses to the curb"

Toby let out a low chuckle, his eyes slanting upwards the way it always did when he laugh, a parenthesis of laugh lines around his plump (succulent, seductive….ahem…) lips.

"We better" he encouraged "I might end up on the streets…"

Spencer gave a hearty laugh, not that his joke was funny at all, but she felt a familiar and old feeling of warmth creep into her body. This old familiarity was so forgotten, that when it snuck its way in, she was transported- she became comfortable and calm, something that was hard with her. It would be remiss of her not to admit that this had a lot to do with the blue eyed boy that sat beside her. He had the ability to shift her mood with one smile, to persuade her with the twinkle in his eyes that shone so fiercely, that she sometimes felt like she was in a trance.

He took in the brown hair beauty laughing as they exchanged witty repartee about Hanna and the job. The sulk in the place had lifted instantly in a moment; it was amazing how things could change so quickly.

"What's with all the laughing in here? A voice interrupted them, mid- laugh. They snapped around to see Hanna standing at the entrance of the opened door, which ignited another bout of laughter. Hanna frowned, and then lighted up when she realized that they were actually laughing- together. She gave herself a mental pat on the back. "Okay let's go" she urged "The gala is over anyways"

"Really?" Spencer asked surprised, getting to her feet "We were in here that long?" Hanna nodded with a smile which faded when Spencer added "Oh yeah, remind me to kill you later. Okay?" she patted her on the shoulder. Toby sent Hanna an amused smile.

Hanna gulped forcibly. "I don't want to die in this dress" she said to herself.

* * *

Later that night, Spencer hung Toby's jacket on a hanger. She had forgotten to return it to him after they were released from Hanna's scheming. It smelt like him…

Aria had a lot of fun tonight. At home, with Jason sleeping snugly on the couch, she took off her high heel shoes, returning to her miniature height. It was only a few short months ago, that she was convinced that she would never be able to have a good time again. Too weighed down by her heavy secret….

Emily dialed Spencer's number and when it went to voicemail, she slurred drunkenly into the phone "There's something I need to tell you Spencer" A hiccup followed a fits of cough "Call me!" She ended the call and switched off the light being meet with a heavy darkness.

Toby sat thinking over the night's occurrences in his apartment _'What was the reward in being selfless? Pain?_" he though dryly

Hanna was pleased with herself as she snuggled up with her boyfriend. _When will my debt be paid off completely? When will the guilt stop?_

…And a couple of miles out of Rosewood, a man sealed the tape on the final box. He was finally finished packing, and tomorrow, he thought, would be full of adventure as he venture back into familiar territory. He hoped that things would go well; he hoped that he would be secure in his new home, but above all he hoped he'd see her.

The man uncovered the large permanent marker, before meticulously labeling the box with his initials 'E.F'

**So whactcha think? Was it cray- cray- off- its hinges mad? Is the mystery killing you? Was it beautiful? Was it what you wanted? Or are you stifling a yawn? **

**Tell me what you think! You know you want to! ;)**

**Xo xo, Gossip Girl…..what? no! **

**I mean, much Love**

**-Tané**

**P.S Badass Spencer last night on PLL, all kinds of awesome!**


	7. To the Broken Hearts and Wearied Souls

**Hi, everyone. I hope you are all okay and I want to thank you for you continuing support and investment in the story so Read on! :)**

**To the Broken Hearted and the Wearied Souls**

_I know you cry_

_I saw you die_

_I knew the pain inside your eyes_

_In this one moment, people cry and people died. Hearts are broken as hearts are mended. Smiled are shared, in the moment that one hides in the dark corner of their rooms afraid of the mere presence of sunlight outside. And when you're happy another's sad, and when you're broken, someone's out there glad…._

Spencer was worried and distracted.

Her joyful escapades of the weekend, which had entailed generous servings of revenge on Aria and Hanna for locking her and Toby in the wine cellar, had all faded into a dry mist being replaced by a nagging, surging feeling at the pit of her stomach. The world around her was bustling and busy, with hushed arguments and resentful agreements, sawdust making the air almost unbearable and men executing their plans in mildly soaked shirts. Despite, all of this, she was still, in the middle of Hanna's in- construction store trying her best to recount the few days details. Maybe there was something she had missed. Maybe Emily had told her something that she had forgotten.

She came up with nothing.

Not seeing her friend, for almost three days, if she counted the day of the Gala was enough to nearly send her over the edge. Her anxiety was coupled with fear, when she listened to the voice mail that Emily had sent her that night.

_"There's something I need to tell you Spencer. Call me!"_

What was even stranger was the voicemail, that followed, left 4 hours later by a now sober Emily _"Hi, Spence, I called you last night. I don't know if you got the message, but it's okay. I got what I needed_-"It ended abruptly, with no goodbyes or prior warning.

Hanna and Aria had made numerous attempts at convincing her, that this was normal, but the bile of discomfort had sprung up again when after they had left she replayed the messages . The words had resounded off of her hollow bedroom walls, and somehow she had heard the urgency in Emily's voice in the first message and her stressed calmed in the second, as crystal clear as the sky that lavished the day outside today.

After, she had call Emily, and everyone in direct and indirect relation to Emily, she had been finally overcome by fatigue and fell asleep.

The sleep had done nothing and she woke up, with the feeling again, only tripled in amount. Presently, as she stood aiming to carry out her task as an Interior Designer, and failing miserably, she being overcome with possible scenarios of Emily's situation at the moment.

"Spencer….Spencer….?"

Spencer looked up, her eyes still drenched in distress. Brian stood, at least a foot above her, his eyebrows furrowed "Is everything okay? He asked his voice deep with concern.

"I'm sorry, did I space out on you again? " Spencer feigned a smile, straightening her back from the slumped position that she had gradually assumed over the period of time where had had halted to a standstill.

"Yea" he smiled, then grew troubled again "Are you okay?"

Spencer waved her hand dismissively, trying her best not to reveal her discomfort "I'm fine. Just have a lot on my mind. Is this the layout for the dressing area? "She pointed the sheet of paper that laid forgotten in his grasp.

He looked them as though he had just become aware of the material between his fingers "Oh, yea. Take a look" He handed it to her and watched as she appraised his designs "You know, you should really be showing this to Hanna"

Brian smiled a dimpled smile as Spencer eyed him from behind a mesh of hair that had fall limply over her eyes. He was definitely a beauty, which made her all the more cautious. She had learned the hard way that beauty on the outside didn't ensure beauty on the inside and plus she was too busy… and not to mention still heartbroken to be caught up in a romance.

"I know," he sighed "this was just gave me an excuse to talk to you"

_Caution up, attraction down. This wasn't the time_. She pushed the paper back at him, smiling nonetheless "Here, take them to Hanna. I'm sure they'll be more beneficial to her" she asserted.

Noticing the change in mood, Brian sighed but pressed on nevertheless, trying eagerly to fixate the air around them to the itching electricity that they had shared the day he had first saw her. She seemed different since then, and though Toby had mumbled something about the two of them, he knew that there were huge chunks missing from Spencer and Toby's story. He had been contented to stay out of it, but earlier today when he had asked his best friend of 2 years, if it would be okay to ask Spencer out, he had gave him the go ahead. Still, he wasn't quite sure; they were some nervous rambling, biting of the tongue and beads of perspiration dripping down Toby's head before he had finally told him 'yes'. He had however attributed the last factor the blazing, determined -to –melt- everything- in its path sun outside.

"Since, I'm already here," he started nervously "I was thinking that maybe we could... I don't know go out sometime. Maybe beyond the confines of our workplace" He laughed timidly, awaiting Spencer's response.

She didn't lift her head, she had already made up her mind and it was evident in her reaction what the answer was. Still, he waited for her to say it.

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Brian. I mean we work together, I wouldn't want things to get complicated or awkward"

"Well if we do go on a date and you don't call back, I know where you work." His attempt to lighten the mood failed miserably. Spencer gave a small laugh to ease his bruise ego.

"It's about Cavanaugh right?" he asked after a moment of awkward silence.

Surprised, then not so surprised Spencer looked up and quietly admitted "No, it's about me." This wasn't a lie, Spencer thought. It was all about her heart mending. So what if she hadn't gone out on a proper date in nearly two years. She wanted to give her heart the proper time it needed. Life was too short, to waste on the unnecessary after all. She didn't want to put herself out there just to find, maybe on the day of her wedding to someone else that she was still stuck on a certain blue eyed boy. So, yes, it was in her right to say 'no' and that's what she did.

Somehow signals caught misdirected and Brian sighed happily "Okay, then, well then I stand a better chance. If it was another dude, then I'd know I was done, especially Cavanaugh, the girls flock to him." He laughed, then purse his lips, his eyes growing serious "I'll keep trying. You seem like something special Spencer."

Charm, Spencer thought as he walked away. Sociopaths had charm too, she would still keep her defense up, she decided.

She looked over at Hanna at the other side of the store, despite all of the chaos around her, she stood out like a sore thumb. In a sea of grey shirts, messy haired, sweaty people she was fabulously dressed, a sharp penciled shirt, pressed to perfection, her blonde hair like golden waves cascading gracefully down her neck and a whiter-than-white blouse, one button down, revealing enough cleavage to leave onlookers curious.

Directly in front of her Toby stood, seemingly uninterested in whatever Hanna was ranting about. His eyes caught hers, they were anxious, searching hers with an aching familiarity. She darted her eyes away quickly, but look up again just as quickly to get another dose of the safe surrender that the sight of him emitted towards her.

He smiled his face lighting up. _Why did he have to make things so easy?_

There was a safety and a calm that couldn't be forced with him. It was the same calm that had been avoiding her all day, with all the worry about Emily.

Spencer stuck her pencil in the binder before closing it shut. She strode over to where they stood, Toby eyes watching her every moment with dancing eyes, and an un-telling satisfaction"

"These dressing rooms are too wide. Are they going to live in there? We need the extra space for the actual clothing." Hanna was nagging as Spencer approached them. "Are you even listening to me Toby?"

"Hi Han? Spencer interrupted "Do you think we can get an early lunch today?"

Hanna spun around to her friend, "Oh yes! I'm starving! What are we having? Chinese? Oh no, I had Chinese with Caleb last night, so Chinese's out." She rambled on.

Spencer chuckled lightly under her breath "Han, I was actually asking about Toby and I… if you think we can get go out for lunch early"

Simultaneously, Hanna and Toby's face grew shock. "You- you want to go out –to lunch? With Toby?" Hanna stuttered looking at Toby now for some sort of information that she maybe had missed out on.

"Yes" she responded definitely "Is that okay?"

Still shocked, Hanna responded with a curious nod. "Okay, go on but be sure to be back soon. We have a deadline to meet."

Grabbing a nearly stoic Toby by the hand, Spencer grasped her purse with the other and left with him tagging behind her. Brian eyes trailed to the exit, questions forming in his mind.

"I need your help" Spencer had said when they were both comfortably seated in her car.

Sensing the edge in her voice, his answer was immediate "What is it?"

"It's Em. I'm worried about her, and I know Hanna and Aria told me not to, but I have this gut wrenching feeling that something's up so I thought that maybe you could help. You do know her well"

Toby did know her well, he knew that many a day, Emily would leave for a number of days to ski in the mountains or swim in a lake. She was quiet the adventurer. Toby also knew Spencer very well also. He knew that when things bother her, it was for a reason. He was familiar with the wailing ache in her voice.

"Let's try her apartment."

* * *

Emily's apartment stood near the border of Rosewood, littered amongst the other dozens of tiny apartment. Spencer shivered at the contact of the wind against her sun soaked skin; it was hung heavy and almost claustrophobic in the air, and though the sun beamed happily overhead, it did nothing to disperse the almost haunting atmosphere.

Up two flights of hard, cemented steps, with slightly increased heart rates, Spencer and Toby finally reached the floor where their friend lived. Spencer knocked loudly on the light green slight door "Em? Em? Emily?" She called out and when no answer had returned she turned to Toby helplessly.

Moving her easily out of the way slightly, Toby gave his turn, to no avail however as there came no response.

Spencer leaned against the wall, defeated and even more worried than she had been before, when Toby began to pick precariously at the lock on the door.

"What are you doing Toby?" she asked perplexed

He lifted up his head, his body stooped "Getting us in, don't worry, we'll leave everything the way we met it."

She looked around uneasily, until she heard the click of a lock, and her heart sprung. He allowed her to enter first then followed behind her before closing the door behind them.

"What exactly are we looking for?" For once Spencer was clueless.

"Anything that would tell about where she might have gone"

Everything was squeaky clean, her bed perfectly made, her photos perfectly aligned, her shoes in military order. The room was over meticulously cleaned. Something about the way, it was done, remind her of her cleaning.

Spencer looked around the room, her eyes doing a surface scan, her hands doing an in depth search. She managed to carefully turn over the items in her drawer, careful not to askew them. At the other side of the room, Toby was searching just as fervently; making sure that no stone was left un-turn.

There wasn't much to the apartment and in less than a half an hour, they had search every conceivable nook and cranny and came up with nothing, not even dust.

Tired and defeated, Spencer sat on the floor, resting her back on the white sofa that took up half of her friend's living room. She sent a hand over her face, then through her lengthy mahogany hair. Toby sat quietly beside her "Hey, Spencer, I'm sure she's all right"

She said nothing for a moment; she just sat with her face buried in her hand. Her voice was broken and raspy when she finally spoke "It's just that the last time we spoke, she was so adamant to tell me something. She seemed tensed and worried and I brushed it off. I feel like I haven't been there for her in a long time"

"What are you talking about Spencer; you're a great friend to Em-

"No, I haven't been" Spencer rose to her feet, furious at herself "I knew the problem that she had. I knew the struggles that she was going through. Out of all of us, I feel like she lost the most. The fact that she's still sane is baffling. She lost nearly everything and I did nothing." Tears were escaping her eyes now, as Toby stood behind her a soothing hand on her back "Is it possible that someone can die right before your eyes and not even notice it." She continued, her eyes red, " Because I feel as Hanna, Aria and I were genuinely laughing, she was genuinely fading slowly, and we saw the signs but we were too caught up in our own worlds to do anything-" her words broke off in a sob.

Toby wrapped a crying Spencer in his arms, trying to soothe her. He spoke into her hair "You're being too hard on yourself Spence, you love Emily and I'm sure that she knows it. Wherever she is, I'm sure she's safe." He kissed her hair absently, before she looked up with red rimmed eyes, sniffing. He took her face between his hands, determine to soothe her "Emily is okay, she'll call, just-"he enveloped her into another hug "Just trust that Spencer"

They stood like that for a moment, her tugging on his leather jacket, he embracing her in his arms, swaying slightly as though to rock her to sleep. Her eyelid closed for a moment, as she was met with a blindly red behind them, then a surging darkness. His heartbeat was serene, lulling her to calm. She opened her eyes again, the images of her surroundings blurry, then fix.

"A ticket…" Spencer croaked suddenly

Toby released her "Huh?"

She pointed to the plane ticket on the table. In trying to search all the darkest corners they had forgotten to look in the most obvious of places. Spencer snatched it up in her hand, looking it over. Attached to it was a note: "Gone to Cali, be back Next week"

A sea of relief wash over both Toby and Spencer as they got confirmation that they friend was no doubt safe. All thoughts of her laying a ditch somewhere vanished. Hanna and Aria had been right all along and this was just her hyper active mind getting the better of her.

She looked up at him and smiled "She's okay!" plunging herself once again into his arms.

"Yea" he smiled

* * *

Hanna had forgotten her purse in the store. She marched back, angrily, pissed at Toby and Spencer for not returning to work, even after she had left them both 20 voice messages. None of which were reciprocated. She was even more agitated at Spencer for super gluing her shoes closet door shut, in an effort of revenge for locking her and Toby in the wine cellar a couple of days ago.

She looked down at her slippers adorn feet and groaned.

What made the night even stranger was running into Ezra Fitz. He was in a hurry and didn't stay stood less than a microsecond to mumble his 'hi' before he was off again, into the dark night.

God, why was Rosewood so weird, she thought she grabbed the knob to push the key into the door. Her arm gave way, as there was no restraint on the entrance.

It was already opened. Her breath caught in her chest, as she tried to make an excuse for this predicament.

However, as the door slowly creaked opened, her heart accelerated a million paces and her body grew weak. She was beyond flabbergasted, in a suspended state of shock, and after she bent almost mechanically to retrieve one of the many photographs that had been strewn in dozens across the floor, she completely lost it.

* * *

Spencer looked down at the note that she had took from Emily's apartment earlier today. After they had found it, she and Toby had grabbed a celebratory lunch. It was comfortable to be with him, and in those moments, she pushed away the pain that she still felt. He had comforted her; he had helped her without a second thought to it. He was still the same caring Toby Cavanaugh. She was happy to know.

She held the note in her hand smile triumphantly- the reassurance of her friend's safety. Her eyes dance with the letters as they rose in their high letter and sunk drastically. Perfect cursives.

Something changed in her. Perfect cursives, perfectly tidied room. The old nagging feeling came over, and when she realized it, she gasped.

She quickly ran to her drawer, where ton and tons of postcards had been kept away. When she finally found the right one, she held it up, side by side by the note.

Her eyes grew with a frightening realization.

_How had she not noticed before?_

This was not Emily's handwriting.

It was Melissa's.

**I don't know how this turn into a mystery. I guess it's combination of PLL, CSI, and Bones. Don't worry Emily's okay, she's just...*cough cough* yea so...**

** So tell me what just think? Is Ezra the new Lucas? Is Rosewood possessed? Is Emily sun tanning in California? Did Aria evaporate into thin air? Did Spencer running to Toby made you happy? Is this Brian guy, a new generation Ted Bundy? Tell me. I'm all ears.**

**-Tane**


	8. There's Danger In Your Eyes

**So sorry for the late update: College Orientation plus massive storm that ruin my life for three days. No biggie. Read on :)**

**There's Danger in Your Eyes**

_'Tis the eyes unveils the heart_

_Every pure and tender feeling_

_All emotion worth revealing,_

_To the eyes their glow impart._

-_ In the eyes abide the heart ( Stephen Foster 1851)_

_Strewn pillows cut madly- the inside cotton protruding, escaping from the confines of the embroidered cloth. Over- turned furniture, a broken chair arm tossed haphazardly, thick, painted lines across the once white walls- dripped slowly, it had dried in that suspended state adding to the whole eerie feel that had encapsulated the store. Heavy muddy footprints -too large to be a women's, imprinted the wooden floor, shards of broken Annealed glass glistening in the overhead light threatening to cause injury if one dares step there, unprotected._

_And the clothes…_

_Hanna had rushed over to where her designs hanged limply, almost personified in the way they swished back and forth- and wept silently, her shoulders rising and falling in steady, sharp jerks. Spencer attempted to put a supportive arm around her, but too overcome by the current predicament of the store, Hanna had shrugged it off. She pulled a dress from its rack, clutching it in her trembling hands and sobbing all the more. The once beautifully stylish piece of clothing had donned a black colored spray paint over its front- jagged, long lines separating the cloth in vicious stabs .The blonde haired girl looked up at her friend, her face completely drenched with tears and her voice barely detectable "Who would do something like this, Spencer?_

_Tears had too, formed in her eyes as she pulled her best friend into an embrace. While Hanna had sobbed there, Spencer looked at the scene. Outside, the flashing red and blue lights of the cop car periodically highlighted the faces of the onlookers who had gathered in the otherwise charcoal dark- night._

_Spencer couldn't help but feel a sense of déjà vu then and had wondered why it seemed that they were always a spectacle in Rosewood_

_Maybe coming back to Rosewood wasn't such a good idea, she concluded._

At that moment, her thoughts were shattered as her eyes had laid hold on the edge of the photographs peeking out of Hanna's oversized bag. A wave of guilt seized her, as she stuffed them even further in.

Arriving five minutes before the officers, Spencer had met a wailing Hanna still clutching to the doorknob, refusing to go inside as though doing that would somehow mar her fantasies that this was nothing but a dreadful nightmare. When she had seen the photographs scattered on the floor, her instincts kicked in, and with a surge of adrenaline, she hurriedly gathered and stuck them into her friend's open bag. Safe and sound from every eye…..?

A slight tapping on a wooden desk, woke her from her recollection. Her eyes readjusted to the present, Toby's face illuminated in the translucent, unsteady light- the source of which was the black flashlight that she had 'stolen' from her parents some years ago. A deafening silence hung in the air, as the two silhouetted figures stood in fearful anticipation- knowing that any minute someone could burst through the door and the jig would be up.

"Spence, are you with me? His words pierced the darkness "Because, this is the last time we're going to do this. Better get it right this time around"

"You used to love lying for me, the occasional break in was no problem either" she replied in a hushed tone, even before she could stop herself.

In the barely lit room, she could see the outline of his smile "I wouldn't call it a break in, when you have a key" Toby whispered back, his finger hastily running through some stacks of papers.

"Well, we _are_ snooping around in the middle of the night in Melissa's office. And plus, I don't think she remembers that she gave me a key to her office, That was when she was all sisterly and loving for like a millisecond, and then she turned back to her evil conniving self" she pulled out a filing cabinet,-it giving off a rusty squeak- before extending her hand for the flash light. Toby gave it to her "I mean, I thought that she giving me a key was kind of weird, you don't see me giving her the key to my office " she paused and then added good naturally "if I had one"

"I think it was a gesture of trust, Spence"

They both looked up at each other, the fact that they were rummaging through Melissa's office being ironically contradictory to his previous statement.

Her finger slickly moved across the alphabetically ordered files, only stopping when something caught her eye "We have to hurry though, wouldn't want to get busted" Spencer urged on,

"You seem a little too excited by all this" his statement seemed more of a question "Yesterday, when I was picking Emily's apartment lock, you seemed ready to jump out of your skin. What happened between then and now?"

_Cavanaugh T._ She pulled at the two years old file- her heart skipping a beat- and sleekly pushed it in Hanna's bag, which she had took for her late last night as she had tucked her still overwhelmed friend into bed . "Yesterday, it was a gut feeling. Today, I have proof that something's up and Melissa is involved, and since I could never trust a word that comes out of her mouth, I had to take matters in my own hands- well our own hands. Thanks for helping me by the way, I don't mean to keep dragging you into all this drama but right now, you're the only one I can count on- seeing that Hanna is still distraught and Aria is a little out of it right now, I didn't want to pile on"

Her fingers stopped again on- another jolt of the heart, another round of unanswered questions forming in her mind- _Fields E._ She tugged on it until it was freed from it confines, and then held it open under the pointed light.

He smiled and said after a moment of silence broke the silence"You know, I think this is slowly becoming our thing"

"What?

"Snooping, Sleuthing…." He chuckled lightly "Getting our Scooby Doo on"

"It's not becoming our thing." She corrected huskily "It is our thing. I think since it's our second break in, we can make it official" Nipping her lips to suppress a growing smile, she retrieved her phone from her back pocket, and began to snap way at various pages of the file, make a mental note to go over them later, when she was safe in the comforts of her home.

Toby grasped a picture of Melissa and Mr. Hastings from her desk- he, wearing a large proud grin, she decked in a graduation gown, beaming from head to toe, both looking like true father and daughter. He ached for Spencer, wishing she could be extended the same bouts of love as her sister, and not 'love' based on a reward system. "What did the cops say?" he coughed slightly "When you went to them?

"They told me that there was no reason for alarm, that they were sure that my friend was alright and then practically pushed me out the door like a little school girl." She shook her head in dismay "But that's the thing about Rosewood, it doesn't matter how much we've grown, we'll always be known as those teenage girls who were Alison's friends"

He cast a sympathetic, knowing look. Something of understanding passing between them.

They smiled together, the danger of what they were doing becoming an afterthought. An easy silence overtook the room, only the sound of their fingertips brushing over sheets of paper and the low release of their breaths. There was something oddly satisfying about being barely able to see each other in the dark. It was a blind trust- faith. It was a reassurance, a comfort, a free-fall. An invisible connection that could not be severed, it tugged between them. They didn't need to say it, because it resounded off the thick structured walls.

Toby knew that building a house on good foundation ensure durability, regardless of storms and threat that it stood a good chance of being unmoved. And the storm had come for him and Spencer but the fact that they were here, two years later and had slipped right back into that comfortable trust, assured him of the future.

They bore their souls to each other- every ounce of it and they understood each other's shortcomings. He knew there were many rivers to cross, but he was willing, if it meant getting her back.

Spencer vaguely remembered reading that soul mates were one person divided at creation, who when placed on this earth, had the task of finding that person that would make you whole again- complete.

And she remembered Toby as that person. He completed her. Where she was lacking, he fulfilled, where she was weak, he was strong.

She was opinionated, strong willed, charismatic.

He was gentle, kind, and heartfelt.

Sometimes he got lost for words and she'd know exactly what he meant.

He knew every curve of her face, the way the sunlight seems to glorify it and adore it.

She knew the very depths of his soul- she understood his desires and his need

And together, they were perfect. Even more than that, they were perfect for each other.

She looked up feeling his eyes trained on her- his blue eyes pierced the absence of light. They were flat and revealing.

And in the dead of the night they stood there communicating with that old wordless force._ A strong reminisce of Scrabble games, rocking chairs, hotel rooms….kissing me….kissing you was shared between them, unbeknownst to the other._

This was only for a moment though as their collective thoughts were split apart but the echoing click clacking against the tiled floor outside the door.

Spencer's face changed suddenly, disheveled in alarmed. It read: Did you hear that?

Toby nodded in understanding and confirmation

The footsteps were muddled with hushed talk-the words being hasty, quick and assertive.

Toby and Spencer shock still, there eyes wide as saucers.

They waited, straining their ears to decipher whether the voice was familiar, still stoic. The muffled voice edged its way down the hallways, and when it was close enough, both faces grew perplexed as they realized that the voice was not lone, but that they were two. Adding to her immense shock and violent internal shaking was the recognition of both voices.

She turned to Toby her face ghost like and lisped "It's Melissa and…..

"…..and Ezra?" he mouthed back, just a panicked and ghastly as her.

Their faces said it simultaneously: And they're arguing….about Hanna?

The jingling of keys in the lock jolted them from their positions. They scampered to set everything back to its proper place. With papers flying around, pens falling sounding like thunder in the sky as they fell onto the floor, they struggled to no avail -the room was still noticeable disarrayed.

Spencer looked to Toby her eyes begging. His head spun in every direction, seeking to procure a hiding spot safe from Melissa and her company.

On the outside someone grabbed the silver knob, twisting it. A bead of perspiration skated down Spencer's forehead, her eyes locked on the still twisting knobs, her heart racing.

Melissa pushed opened the door; it swung wide open on its hinges. The room was suddenly lit with an incandescent brightness and Melissa gaped as the sight before her.

She stood wide legged, akimbo "Those damn janitors!" she screeched "They never do their damn jobs!"

In a cramped, barely large enough closet, Spencer and Toby released a small bated breath- feeling a slight relief. They stood toe to toe, eye to eye (or in this case eye to neck), only the sounds of shaky inhalations and exhalations, their chest touching slightly and statically as they did so.

"I think this is becoming or thing?"

"What?"

"Being cramped up in confined places. Second time makes it official right?" he whispered

Spencer chuckled despite herself. As much as the thought of being caught ran rampant in her mind at that moment, she couldn't help but feel a certain thrill. Maybe it was the fact that she was squished up against Toby, barely enough oxygen for both of them, or maybe the fact that she hadn't done anything that made her feel alive for a very long time.

She narrowed her eyes, trying to see through the thin wooden louvers, the sharp light obscuring her view.

Ezra had aged some; he halfway sat on Melissa's desk, his arm folded across his chest. He seemed to be caught up in what she was saying-weary from some battle.

Melissa gestured wild, her hair flying in the breeze that her hands created. Spencer strained her ears but they were suspiciously talking in hushed tones. No one else was here. What was with all the secrecy? Why were the hallways safe to scream at the top of their lungs yet in Melissa office it was as though they were being recorded?

The brunette handed the man a file, he looked at it, and his eyes read reluctance. Grabbing his hand, she opened his palm resting the file there and closing his fingers around them. Ezra looked up, a prevailing look lingering between them.

And then Melissa turned on her heels, exiting briskly. His eyes turned downward, and just as soon as they Spencer and Toby though things couldn't get more puzzling, Ezra turned his head directly at them, his eyes landing on Toby's, his lips smile, but his were sad and knowing. He got up and left, just as quickly as he had come.

* * *

Bewilderment, confusion, questions, lost hope. This is what both Toby and Spencer were feeling at this very moment.

Toby had sent Spencer back to her car,- commanding her to lock the doors until her got there -while he searched for Ezra. But as he scoured the street now, and saw no sign of him or a vehicle, his shoulder slumped into a tense position. Melissa was dangerous, more dangerous than she had been two years ago apparently.

Her words oozed through his mind, and though it was over two years ago he still felt the sharp pain that accompanied them.

_"Settling will never be Spencer's thing. She will never settle for you!"_

_He had fought then, but his fight was weakening, the holes in his armor were slowly cracking. He walked up to her, making sure that what she was about to say would soak through her very pores and haunted her for eternity "You are nothing more than a manipulative, sadistic self-serving, shameless bitch!" She was stunned at his aggressiveness and he was firm in his stance, eyeing her, his hurt transforming to full blown rage " I will never, ever again give you a benefit of a doubt! And mark my words, if the thought of ever hurting Spencer as much as graze your mind," his jabbed his finger at her " You'll be wishing that you never met me!"_

_Surprised by his own fury, Toby had storm off. It was uncharacteristic of him to get so angry, but he had felt then, as though he had been pushed over the edge. But now, two years later as things had seemed to come full circle again, he wondered if he had done more harm than good._

Ezra watched Toby from his car, safely camouflaged in the darkness, shard of annealed glass protruding from his boots….

At that same moment, Spencer stood outside leaning against her car, running her hand lengthways down her arm. The moon shone furiously overhead, casting shadows onto the street. One shadow in particular was decreasing in size, a tell sign that someone was approaching. Her eyes trailed to the dark figure on the pavement to the actual dark figure. The man walked jauntily down her path, an egotistical waft of air following behind him. He smiled. With all the jolting her heart had been doing over the past few days, she was sure she might need a new one soon. Her mouth formed the words "Noel?"

He tilted his head down, and then back at her "Officer Kahn?" he corrected with that same eerie smirk

Her mouth tried to formulate a word- to no avail

Seeing the confusion evident on her face, he began "Good to see you Spencer. Hope you're having a good night."

She did not answered, her face puckered

He hoisted his pants "I'm going to have to take a look in your car there" he pointed

"What?" Spencer was alarmed "Why?"

"I have reason to believe that you might be withholding evidence"

"What? That's crazy!"

"Step aside!" Noel said firmly

"You can't search my car!"

"Yes I can probable cause. I have the right to search your vehicle if there's a reasonable belief that evidence of a crime or contraband would be found in a search. It's the law, Spencer," he grinned smugly "I thought your parents were lawyers. Now step aside or I'll have reason to take you in"

Wide eyed and her heart galloping a million times faster, Spencer reluctantly stepped to the right. She turned around quickly, her mouth ajar, her eyes stuck on Hanna's bag- full of the photographs that she had took from her. She watched as Noel feverishly searched her car, feeling like she was being stripped out in the open. Oh, how she hated him and his smug, face!

Her heart stopped when his hand hovered over it and he stopped as if something caught his eye. The searching of her bag had proved needless as one of the said copies had fell out of the bag onto the floor. He retrieved and was great dramatics, stood upright to face Spencer, his thick bushy eyebrows bent in question.

He faced the photo towards her and though she had seen it a thousand times at this point, it hit her with a new freshness.

Noel's voice was gruff, some hidden triumph in it "Why do you have a photo of Emily….and Jenna?

His following question seemed more of a declaration, and he seemed to latch on to some new theory, his mind calculating "Were Emily and Jenna together….together before she died?

_Words are often clothed in guile; For the lips with fear may falter: E'en confiding smiles may alter. Oh! Believe not in the smile_

**A/N:**

**Sorry, if this has got out of hand for you and you just want to find where I live and burn my house to ashes. I think my brain has a brain of its own, which in turn has a micro brain. It runs away with me, but I promise I'll stay true to the story. I have it all mapped out. I want this story to be one of forgiveness and mending (and rainbows and unicorns) but in order to get there; we have to go through a process. We must crawl before we walk. Namaste!**

**I hope this chapter was realistic and clear.**

**On a side note though, I have to ask you to forgive me if I get anything wrong. I mean in terms of weather, time and the whatnots. I live in a place with two seasons: wet season, dry season, so please forgive me.**

**Also, I know this is a Spoby stories, but I absolutely love the dynamics of the four girls together so I chose to involve them in the story. Emily's not the scapegoat; I have a master plan for her that involves mostly Toby. And I hope that it beautiful and encouraging because I feel like Emily as a character has so much to offer.**

**Every time I write about glass, (hint hint *annealed glass wink wink *…no one? Okay) I can't help but chuckle with Emily and her: THESE ARE NOT HIGHLIGHTS, THIS IS GLASS IN MY HAIR!**

**Anyways, Annealed Glass is basically unrefined glass; it's like glass in its pure form. You might be wondering WTF is she talking about but I hope you drew the connection or else I'm just some rambling weirdo.**

**Someone told me in a review that I should have Toby and Spencer fight and then make up with a passionate kiss and I was like O.O "Get out of my brain! How did you know?"But all in due time…all in due time ;)**

**Next chapter entitled: Jealousy is A Strong Enough Motive, will be 2 year prior (flashback), so hopefully it will give some answers but not all cause I want the big reveal to be a big explosion. An explosion of emotions!**

**So far, your reviews have been heartwarming and inspiring so thank you, thank you. So continue, it's all welcomed :D**

**PS. Toby + Spencer+ confined places, that's ma thing! Maybe next time, I'll put them in a box, see how they deal ;)**

**I just have a lot of feelings. Okay?**

**Anways, rant ova!**


	9. Author's Note

**Author Notes**

**I've been through so many stages through this past week.**

**I was angry: mainly at the writers because I could not fathom the fact that they would destroy something as beautiful as Spoby for mere shock value**

**I was depressed: I'm not going to lie; I think I'm a little bit too attached to this couple, because I was so sad! I mean like mopey zombie like sad**

**I was in denial: There is no way! Toby is not 'A'**

**But eventually I came to a conclusion. I think the writers have a plan. They wouldn't develop a couple, make everyone love them and then take them away from us. I mean Spoby has a huge fan base, including Marlene. It has been said time and time again about how much Toby and Spencer loves each other and how Toby is the moral compass of the show. I think that if Spoby was over, they would have reveal Toby as 'A' to the girls like they did with Mona, but it is obvious the writers want to develop the story, which means that they had an explanation that would redeem Toby.**

**Me, personally I will never give up on Toby ( he could be A, B, C or the entire alphabet!) or Spencer/Spoby. Their love is real ! **

**It's so good to see the Spobettes fighting for Spoby, especially on Tumblr. I got some messages that were really encouraging and they helped me through this trying time**

**So this is just encouragement for all the diehard Spoby shippers out there**

**Hold on, Spoby 5eva!**

**-T**


	10. Jealousy is A Motive Strong Enough

**Hi there. So thank you for the reviews**

**Things you need to know for this chapte**r

**1. Aria is a journalistic photographer/painter. She spent two years in Africa, which I mention in Chapter 1**

**2. She has a secret that Toby knows about (_Taken from a previous chapter: Something of a knowing look past between them, a private knowledge, only shared amongst them. Aria's mind diverted off the freeway for a moment. I was hoping he would forget! Selective amnesia, if that was a thing! But now he's looking at me, with his sympathetic eyes!" And " Aria had a lot of fun tonight. At home, with Jason sleeping snugly on the couch, she took off her high heel shoes, returning to her miniature height. It was only a few short months ago, that she was convinced that she would never be able to have a good time again. Too weighed down by her heavy secret…."_)**

**Jealously is a Motive Strong Enough**

_Jealousy is a raging man's weapon_

Present Time….

"Does forgiveness do anything for the soul?" Melissa asked, fixing the strap of her bra.

"Forgiveness is overrated" the man hissed into her ear. He softly sent his hand over his wife's back, adding almost hauntingly "We lie, we steal, we cheat, and we do things because it's human nature"

Melissa looked at him through the mirror, needing to see the reassurance in his eyes "Even to our own families?

He responded instantly "Sometimes, our own families can be our worst enemies."

She turned to face him, a glaze of fresh tears covering her eyes and an appreciative smile on her lips.

He unfolded his large fingers, revealing a white and red pill "Take this. Eases the guilt" he smirked. She took them in her hand, the smile still fastened to her face.

When he had kissed her on the cheek, and turned to leave, she eyed him.

She listened until she heard his boot creaked on the last step at the bottom of the stairs and then with a beguiled transformation, her smile faded.

And she threw the pill in the bin and turned back, running her hand through her hair like a comb.

_Two years, some months ago…._

_His body did not resist against the water anymore. He found himself slipping to the bottom, as the dark force swallowed him up in its grasp. He was drowning and there was no one to hear his muffled cries, no one to save him. His eyes became glassy, his brain exploding from the underwater pressure as the life slowly and painful slipped from him, and with his last breath he screamed her name, the liquid pushing itself down to fill his collapsing lungs…._

_And in the moments after everything went dark- a void, lifeless dark- and he was met with a blinding light, he saw her face, he saw himself….he saw their future. And a deep revelation unfolded._

_People say that when you die, your life flash before your eyes._

_But what if….. What if, what you see isn't what you've already experienced-live- but rather what you never will. A taste, of what could have been if you hadn't ceased to exist._

_With her mahogany hair falling almost angelically around her face, her brown eyes piercing, she smiled in his mind's eyes. That was what he had lived for- he had lived for her smile, and ultimately and purposefully- for her. So deep down in the depths of the ocean, he ached to live again. He chose to live again._

_His arms awoke against the sturdy opposition as he weakly directed his pain stricken eyes to the barely visible light at the top of the ocean._

_It was Winston Churchill that said if you're going through hell. Keep going. This was his hell, and she was his heaven, she was the light at the top….._

_"Toby?" Spencer's concerned voice cut him from his daymare. Her face was seeking and worried "You aren't still worrying about what my father did. Are you?"_

_Toby sighed heavily, turning his attention back to the chopping in front of him. He tilted his head slightly, letting out another shaky breath "I feel like I'm drowning, Spence" he said, his voice almost undetectable. I feel like I can't keep my head above the water" He pressed firmly on an apple, severing it instantly "…the scariest part about it, is that I'm afraid one of these days, it's not going to be me that's drowning, but you"_

_"Hey, hey," Spencer took the sharp blade from his hands, resting it on the marble counter then palming the side of his face with one hand so that he was looking into her eyes " We'll get through this" she assured him "So what if my dad wrote me out of his will and basically disowned me"_

_Toby removed himself from her, walking to the window. Outside, the waves moved tauntingly and flashes of his dream crossed his path "This is my fault, Spencer"_

_She grabbed his arm, swinging him around to face her and closed the distance between them "I won't lose you again, Toby. If my father wants me to break up with you, then he'll have to spend an eternity waiting on it because I won't," Grasping his chin, and lowering it so their eyes met again, she placed a kiss there. He continued to look at the crashing waves outside, knowing full well of the persuasion her eyes held._

_"Look at me, Toby" she urged. She grasp his face, more forcefully this time and he gave in, surrendering to the same mocha eyes that had kept him alive countless times in his reoccurring dream._

_"I love you." Her words were spoken as a fact, as though it was law, as though nothing could dispute it, or opposite it. As unarguable as the sky was blue. "I love you no matter what. I could be the richest person in the world or the poorest; it still wouldn't matter unless I have you Toby. That's something my father doesn't understand, he thinks that money is the ultimate gain in life, but what he doesn't know is that we have each other. Whether we're cold, or hungry, or roofless, we'll be all those things, together"_

_A soft laugh emitted from the back of his throat, as she pulled him into an embrace, tiptoeing so that her head could rest on his shoulder. He nuzzled his nose into her hair, resting a soft kiss there, before whispering, as she snuggled further into him "What have I ever done to deserve you." She allowed them some bodily space between them, their forehead together, their eyes dancing with mutual contentment "I love you, Spencer Hastings" he said finally. Closing in the area, once more between them, Spencer placed a soft, agonizingly slow kiss on his lips wanting all of her emotions, and desires to be conveyed within it. Nipping his bottom lips in hers, she retreated to a flat stance, pulling on his lip as she did so. He sighed happily, reciprocating the kiss with more fervent than it had been given and clasping her face tenderly in his hands. Then pushing her, so that her back was against the counter, he let his hands roam through her wavy hair, starting from the baseline of the hair near her neck, he tugged it upright then release it, letting it collapse against her shoulders. His hands then found their way, slowly to the small of her back, where he tightened his grasp to deny the extra space that was unoccupied between them. Spencer let out a surprised gasp at the sudden change in pace, but welcomed it nonetheless as their kiss deepened into something more passionate. All control barriers broke with pure want, the need to prove this fueling them, as she ran her hands down his chest further down, until they came to a stop on his taunt stomach. He lifted her unto the counter, and she wrapped her legs around him, knotting her feet together behind him. They broke apart for a moment, laughing softly at nothing and everything, the streaming sun outside making them appear translucent. He kissed her top lip before enveloping both of them in his, smiling against them. "I'll love you forever" he vowed, in between kisses._

_"Promise?" she replied_

_"Promise" he assured her_

_They stayed like that for a while, engulfed in each other, letting the world fall away around them_

_Outside though, the world did continue to exist. And it was terribly askew or it was in the process of getting there…_

_Aria sat on the white sand, large sunglasses taking up a great proportion of her face. She scrolled through her possible future on her tablet, weighing her options. In a colossal lapse in judgment, she had decided to postpone college for a year to pursue her "artistic passion' which had turned out to her working in a steamy, small photo studio on the corner of hell. Now, she had the opportunity to work in Africa, and she wanted with everything to go. The petite brunette eyed her boyfriend, his dark hair wet with curls, silently praying that he'll consider going with her before clicking 'send' on her acceptance letter to faraway land._

_Emily sent her hand through her lengthy, silky hair before taking the band from her wrist and placing it in a high ponytail. As she pulled on the ends to ensure it security, the sun aided to giving her body a magnificent glow. She smiled politely at the girl sitting beside her, somewhat nervous about what they were secretly doing, yet this selfish need inside her, that told her that she needed this after everything she went through overrode all hesitance. The medium heighted girl scanned her group of friends. Was anyone talking to her? Or was outside too humid for anyone to care, that she bought Jenna to her friends' beach getaway? She hadn't seen Spencer or Toby since they left to go into the beach house, Aria seemed mentally preoccupied and Hanna…well…_

_Hanna laid in a make shift hammock, as unresponsive as a rolled up carpet. She eyed Melissa from the corner of her eye, who had thought it wildly necessary to apparate from the depth of the abyss for the main reason of sucking the joy from everything. Lately, she had been more unbearable than usual, calling Hanna at all hours in the night, trying to persuade her to abet in her evil scheme, dangling 'rewards' over her head. It broke her heart to know that jealously could be so strong a motivator, and though she was playing off Melissa's persistence as nothing more, it was morphing into something crazier and scarier. It upset Hanna to know what Spencer had to go through, which her more cautious in deciding to tell her. She didn't want to pile on._

_In between her fingers, Melissa crushed a small pill, and then proceeded to add it to white water bottle. 'Spencer, Spencer, Spencer' her name drummed through her head. Why was it that she got everything? When would it be her turn? She had suffered through bad relationships, one after the next: she had forsaken her Master's degree just to end up with a doomed marriage to Ian, she had been utterly discarded by Wren for her sister, and Garrett had turned out to be a case on his own. It wasn't all of this though, that sent her over the edge. When she had given up on ever having a solid relationship with another man, she turned to the approval of her parents: something that she always got regardless. She found solace and gratification in the way, they were so fond on her, and moreover she had one up on her sister in this department. This need for parental approval only increased when she landed a job at the law firm, where her parents were Senior Partners. Though a mere associate, she was determined to shine…. that was until Spencer, of course. "Melissa, the Ivy Leagues are having a war over Spencer." Her father had said one afternoon "Spencer and Toby seemed inseparable, did you see them, Melissa?" her mother had said on another occasion. Melissa was seething. After everything she felt her sister had taken away, this was definitely the last straw._

_Melissa knew what was rightfully hers. She had already convince her father, so why not help the world finalize those plans, she thought as she watched the pill disintegrated, becoming invisible in the clear water._

_She placed the bottle back into the bag, where she had met it._

_The noon day sun had hit its peak, and after the lifeless morning that the girls, had seemed to have an unwritten agreement to enjoy the afternoon to the fullest. They had played volleyball on the sand, eaten loads and loads of everything edible within a five feet radius; expect Aria, who had taken a sudden and unexpected turn of sickness. Ezra also was not part of the afternoon's events as he had gone to take care of his ailing girlfriend. Before Aria had shooed her away, Spencer had given her some water from her white water bottle in attempt to subside the vomiting her friend was experience. She had seemed to settle down then, and she left Ezra to handle the rest._

_Afterwards, they had made sand castle in the sand, and Hanna who had come out of her zombie like phase had surprised them all, with a very well-constructed one. Toby had claimed that his mere presence- his shadow being cast on the sand- had given Hanna her one time luck. "I am a designer, you know!" Hanna had shouted and everyone had shouted back in unison "Of clothes" before turning to each other and bursting out into laughter. Spencer had watched as Hanna and Toby fought ferociously to dunk each other in the water, glad at how good of friends they had become, also thankful that Toby was able to take Hanna's mind off the fact that Caleb couldn't make it. When she saw that Hanna was on the verge of failing, she ran springily to her aid, attacking an unsuspected Toby, and dunking his head under water. Coming up for air, he pushed the hair from his face and scooped the two struggling light weighted girls into his arms, and pushing them down. Spencer had bit down into his arm, causing him to curse frantically and let them both go. Before he could compose himself again, Spencer was atop of his back, like a ninja and Hanna was pulling on his arm, both tearing him in opposite directions " Stop!" Toby pleaded_

_Spencer tugged on the roots of his hair as Hanna had pulled his arm harder "Say you surrender" Hanna commanded playfully_

_Knowing that he was already defeated, especially with these two girls, he croaked "Okay, Okay, I give up!"_

_"Say it louder!" Spencer laughed_

_"I surrender!"_

_Jenna and Emily had sat on the sand laughing hysterically about God knows what, and for the day Aria, Hanna, Spencer and mostly Toby had accepted that their friend had taken a minor derail by inviting Jenna, but had all hope that she'll come to her senses tomorrow. Today was about fun….or so they thought?_

* * *

_After physically tiring themselves, Toby, Hanna and Spencer had decided to devour something more, inviting the others to join them. So off they went._

* * *

_"I'm going for a swim" Aria had said after she burst through the door, Ezra shuffling behind her "Are you sure? So you feel better?_

_The short girl swayed drunkenly and turned, her face suddenly steady "Yes." _

_One of the employees had interrupted Ezra's worrying asking him about how they had left the bathroom, he had stormed off frustrated , taking once last look at his girlfriend over his shoulder, making a mental note to make this as quick as possible so her could get back to her._

_Aria stepped deeper and deeper into the water, unable to stop herself. She was having somewhat of an out of body experience, as she felt her neck surrounded by water._

_She could hear her heart thumping in her ear as began to sink below surface- the soft fleshly valves opening and closing beneath her chest seemed to be magnified a thousand. The bile surged in her stomach, as a tingling sensation wove its way up and down her arm. The world shook in vertigo, everything becoming blurry and haphazard. She struggled, sensing that something was wrong, but her muscles began to relax instead of contracting._

_Her body was growing weak; the struggle was too much for her, so she, having no other choice let herself go…. Slipping into eternity_

* * *

_There was that blinding light, then that darkness, then that light again. Her head spun. "Aria!" It was Spencer, screaming her name frantically. She fought to open her eyes, there was no longer the unsteady current that swept her, and she was lying against something soft. Her eyes sprung open, meeting the light again. She realized that the time past, since she was drowning; she was now at the hospital being wheeled to the emergency room. Knowing that, she allowed herself to slip back into the beckoning unconsciousness._

* * *

_"There's no way to tell, that is until 72 hours after ingestion, but from the symptoms that she described, it's very possible that it was Rohypnol. We'll be sure to do more test once the time comes"_

_"What!?" Toby was in total shock "You mean she was roofied?_

_"Yes" Dr. Bacilli confirmed. He looked at the charts in his hands, flipping the pages, and then looking back at the flabbergasted man in front of him "We did some test though and the intake wasn't severe enough to do any damage to the fetus-_

_Toby was taken aback, his forehead creased severely in concern "Wha- what do you mean fetus? What are you talking about?_

_The doctor seemed just as confused as Toby was, he looked at the paper again to ensure his accuracy "Well, it says here that Miss Montgomery is three weeks pregnant" he assessed Toby's face "Which you didn't know about" he concluded, letting out a heavy sigh. "Well, your girlfriend needs to know-_

_"She's not my girlfriend, she my friend. But you're right, she does need to know and so does Ezra" Toby finished, running his hand exhaustedly through his still damp hair._

_"Needs to know what?" Spencer came in, her face a mixture of perplex, tiredness and slight curiosity._

_Toby stood his mouth ajar .Where the hell was he to start?_

* * *

_Hanna and Emily had insisted that Spencer and Toby go home and catch up on there much needed rest while they stay at the hospital for Aria to get some overnight test done. Reluctantly and with much protest they had left and were now back at the beach house sitting together in the soft sand._

_The sky was an artist paintwork, soft- blue purple swept across the sky, the oppressive humidity that ruled the day was almost gone as the dimming sun peeking from a cloud, slowly escalated to light the world elsewhere until it was barely visible, a mere washed out image. When the night had conquered, the moon was nowhere in sight. Just a vast stretch of darkness save the dim light the stars cast off, creating shadows on the warm sand. The wind- created waves seemed to come at intervals, chorusing with the chirping birds overhead, it created a comforting symphony of sounds._

_Toby willed the lump in throat to go away thinking of how Aria would react to finding out that she was pregnant. The doctor wanted to wait until 24 hours had passed to tell her the news, knowing that one of the side effects of Rohypnol was amnesia. He knew that Aria would tell Spencer and somehow, he, himself felt weird being the only one who knew about it._

_"Spence?" Toby nudged his quiet girlfriend in his arms "Can we talk about everything?"_

_She heaved a heavy sigh, audibly fatigued from today's occurrences "Can we just?" she suggested, snuggling into him more "Can we just be here right now."_

_Wrapping his arms, tighter around her, he pulled her up so that she was resting more comfortably in his lap. He kissed her forehead "Sure. Let's just be here" he smiled_

_What needed to be said would have to wait. Little did he now that two years would past and he'd still never tell…_

_Enveloped in his arms, Spencer listened carefully to the hooting of the mourning dove. They had a specific call, which soothed her, reassured her that somewhere- deep in the darkness, where her eyes were not privileged to see- something lived. It reassured her. Darkness, trying times, suffering- they were all inevitable, they are all in the contract of life. Who ever said it was to be easy? The challenges bring character; the pain shows us who we are. She knew that darkness was the absence of light, which meant that it'd always be there, but moreover she knew that a shadow owed its work to light. Light was the ultimate ruler over darkness._

_So despite the fact that she felt she was on the edge of a cliff, on the verge of losing everything, she held onto that thought._

_Tightening her grasp around her boyfriend, she whispered into his ear "Please don't ever let me go"_

**Viola! So Melissa poisoned ( the white water bottle thing) Aria but meant it for Spencer(XD), Aria was pregnant. What did you think? Is jealousy a strong enough motivator? Review :)**


	11. Please Teach Me Gently How To Breathe

**Muchas gracias to those who reviewed. Amor**

* * *

**Please Teach Me Gently, How to Breathe**

_All I can do is keep breathing_

* * *

Spending another night at the precinct with Noel, of all people was no fun at all for Spencer. Neither was having her motives questioned, or having her car and purse searched in the middle of the street. Or having garlic breath police officers greet her by her name because they're so familiar with her. Or having to watch her friend pick up the pieces after her dreams were shattered by a break-in, or not knowing the whereabouts of another one of her closest friends, or feeling distant from yet another one of her friends, but being unable to mend it, because she had no idea where to start. No, fun was not, having to break in to her own sister's office to get answers because her relationship with her had been so far degraded that it was irreparable.

And having to deal with all the feelings that arose because of her ex- boyfriend's return and the huge roll of questions that followed was certainly devoid of any pleasure.

But fun was not a pre-requisite of her life. In fact, it seem like anything with the semblance of fun avoided her.

She was overwhelmed. Her world was crumbling.

She was finding it harder to breath. That simple task of taking in and releasing air (so simple that she never thought of its process) seemed the most difficult thing she'd ever encountered.

So as she watched the swift colors moved cross her pathway in the moving car, she prayed hard that everything would be fine. She prayed until her heart ached, and those colors became a blur of grey, watery images and she slipped into an unwilling slumber. And when she had awoken by the sudden halt of the vehicle, her eyes slowly opened to the unfamiliar scenery- the images transforming from pixelated-sleep grogginess to a full blown magnificent scene. She looked around, baffled at how those seemingly few seconds of sleep had been enough to take them this far, and then looking up at the driver, she smiled at his spontaneity.

She got out of the car and stretched, taking in the view of the enormous lake from the wooden dock, where she stood.

"Where are we, Toby? She asked, her voice still adjusting from its sleep state

Taking a bag from the car, he replied "On the outskirts of Rosewood. I thought we'd visit the lake today."

* * *

Toby had rented a small canoe that fitted the both of them perfectly, and now as they sailed across the vast body of water, Spencer held tightly onto the edge of the boat, still peeping over though, at the ripples caused by Toby strenuous oaring. They glided smoothly across the water, in a comfortable silence until the scenery changed drastically about them, and they found themselves encompassed by an archway of beautiful landscape. Spencer twisted in the boat, amazed, trying to take in everything at once, but there was so much.

The sky was the clearest blue, no clouds in sight, only the large gravitational ball of light that rule the day. Set against the sky's backdrop, were small mounts escalating in beautiful patterns that seemed to be handcrafted by God himself. The tall trees went up high into the sky in a leafless vertical until at the top; they sprung forth with green, lively shrubbery denying the sun in certain places on the crystal, transparent water. Where the sun was privileged to shine through the leaves, they stream in conical rays that illuminated the white, nearly microscopic blossoms that floated around in the air until they descending into the water beneath them, lost in the smooth current.

Beyond the water, stray clumps of grass were lit a green so bright that they were almost hallucinogenic and flowers of varying colors: red, yellow, pink, bloomed as though they had their own personal angels that tend to them with a careful meticulousness .White butterflies fluttered, finding an occasional rest on these flowers only to fly away, their tiny wings flapping against the magnificent background of the nature paradise.

It was the most breathtakingly beautiful thing that she had ever come across, and she found herself too in awe in even utter a word.

Toby watch in amusement, as Spencer's mouth form in small 'o' and her eyes grew in amazement. He put more pressure on the oars, causing large semi circles in the water.

"This is, this is- "

"Beautiful" Toby finished for her, happy that she was enjoying the immensity of beauty that hid in the barely known place.

Spencer began to chuckle slightly, not knowing any other way to express what she was feeling.

They sailed until the water became low, and Toby rested the oars back into their confines, got out and reached for Spencer's hands.

"Where are we going?" Spencer queried, being careful to keep a tight grasp on the man beside her, to avoid falling in the damp mud.

"We're going to walk to the cave"

Spencer looked up at him "Okay, Mr. AdventureMan. How do you know about this place?"

He stopped for a moment, appreciating the view "I found it online"

"You found it online?"

"Yea, after living near here all my life, I came across it about a year ago and decided to come here"

Spencer flinched slightly at the timeline. A year ago, she had still been broken.

This did not go un- noticed by Toby, and he took her hand again and led her into the jagged opening of the cave. Inside, there were blocks of stones with stalagmites, that dripped icy water onto the floor, crystals of calcium carbonate reflected light giving the place a glittery décor. It was likened to an ice palace.

They walked further into its mouth, the low water gurgling, and splashing as they stepped.

"Close your eyes"

"What? Why?" Spencer looked around the dimly lit cave, instantly convinced that cave trolls existed and one was just waiting for her to become unguarded to snatch her away.

"Just close your eyes Spence" Toby pressed

Reluctantly, she obeyed. Temporary losing her sight, her other senses perked and she could hear the gushing water more loudly, she heard the birds that had gone unnoticed to her ears before, and she felt the perfectly warm gust of the breeze that scattered the stray hairs on her head. But then abruptly and instantaneously, it changed, everything becoming still and Spencer eyes sprung open. "What happened" Spencer asked "Why did everything go quiet?

"Wait for it. Wait for it" Toby urged, smiling broadly.

Spencer stood confused but jumped in surprised as a projectile of water began to fall in buckets from the ceiling of the cave. She let out a shrill scream, causing the hair on Toby's air to project upright. When her initial surprise wore off, she began to embrace the feel of it, running down her body. It wasn't like she thought the water in this place would be- it was not freezing cold, but erupted with a cool freshness that sent shiver of pleasure down her spine.

Giggles bubbled from the joy her body could not contain; she began to shout at the top of her lungs "I'm at the top of the world!" repeatedly, her raspy voice resounding off the walls of the mossy stones. Grasping Toby's arms, she pulled him, so that he was under the water being soaked also.

Her laughter was contagious and he soon found himself laughing uncontrollably with her. And together they stood, under the streaming water, letting their cares fall away.

There was that sanity in insanity. This moment of letting go of all the restraints and going completely crazy was her saving grace. Losing yourself, not knowing what will happen next, being blindfolded, letting the waters carry you away, she realized, can sometimes be the best thing, because in those moments there is nothing else to lose. You are free….

Cascading water fell in lashing torrents onto her body and she danced liberated in it.

And Toby watched her breathlessly.

His face was spattered with drops and his hair had gone into little points which were dripping off into his oceanic eyes. And he did that thing where his smile reached his eyes; there was nothing more sincere or honest. It was infectious and she found herself bursting into laughter once more, feeling an ineffable release falling on her. Spencer skipped happily, her hair and clothes drenched with the falling water. There was a childlike innocence in the way she laughed. It was a full- throw- back- your- head- laugh, the purest kind where she was having too much fun to care about the world around her. Everything was obliterated in nothingness

And in that moment she wanted nothing more than to be there.

* * *

The water outside the cave, was only enough to swallow their feet in it, and the now soaked couple stepped on the small, smooth stone that protruded from the water, creating a pathway for them.

Up high above in the air, varying colors of balloons floated away in the air, adding the already overload of amazement that had accumulated throughout the day.

"Where are the balloons coming from?"

"Up there" Toby pointed to a rope bridge that hung high in the distance.

Taking his hand, Spencer pulled Toby in its direction, feeling liberated, feeling the need to be up there.

If she thought the view down below was magnificent, there were no words for what she was seeing now from the bridge. Everything magnified in beauty by a thousand. The leaves that hung over the bridge seemed to be intricately designed for the purpose of sheer awe, the birds that nestled, now visible in the trees created a symphony of harmonies, the breeze was a balance of inviting and chilling.

A few trees stood in isolation, dripping dew onto their foreheads.

She look across to see, further down the bridge a handful of people blowing into balloons, tying them, then releasing the to fly away.

Intrigued, she spoke up "What are they doing?"

"They're relieving their tension"

"What?" she spun around, confused

"This bridge is called Relief Point. I don't really know the history on it," he said leading her to where the people stood "but I do know that it does work"

Handing her a fresh balloon, he smiled, gesturing for her to go ahead "Think of all the problems, the pain, the heartaches that you've ever faced"

Spencer took a deep breath, then closing her eyes; the recollection of memories came gushing.

"Think about everything you've lost" he continued "all your regrets and mistakes. Your failures and shortcomings, your anxiety and pressures. The constant naggings that won't go away, the things that you can't seem to ever be rid of"

"Now" he paused "Take another deep breath, and begin to blow into the balloon. Release everything"

Huffing and puffing, she began her release.

First blow: _The unhinged bitterness that she always held against her sister._

Second blow: _The feeling of failure accompanied with her parent's high standards_

Third blow :_ The fear of losing everything that had birth this uncontrollable need in her to make everything perfect. Blaming herself when the slightest thing became obscured._

With everything within her, she gathered the fourth breath , trying to summon within it every last ounce of pain and hurt and then she let it all out….

When she had opened her eyes, she realized that Toby too, had a balloon in his hand, tying it, and ready to release it. So she did the same.

"Okay on, the count of three" Toby instructed "One….two… three!"

Releasing the balloon into the air, her tears mingled with the falling dew. Even if it would be for a day, or even a moment, she saw the pain that had burdened her for so long float away. She felt an ease in her chest. She felt a freeness in her soul; a spring in her step. There was a chance that when she returned to the 'real world' away from this peacefulness that she'd be caught up in the chaos again, but until then, she savored this newness and wholeness within. Overcome with joyous uppity, she placed her arm around Toby's waist, resting her head onto his chest.

The two balloons intertwined in their paths and floated away until they could no longer see them…

* * *

In the night, the full moon blasted overhead, casting dark shadows on the street.

"It's like the early harvest moon" Spencer marveled

"What?"

She leaned further into the seat, getting a better view of the night's light "It's the full moon closest to the autumnal equinox"

He gave a slight "um," contended with hearing the sound of her voice against the background of the peaceful stillness that dominated the lifeless streets.

She continued, seemingly enthralled, mentally elsewhere. "Astrologically it represents a time of clearing up of emotional issues"

"Yea?"

"Yeah." She gave him a dimpled smile "It's a time for forgiving yourself and letting go of the baggage for new growth"

A moment of silence, then her voice changed. "But it's not actually the harvest moon…. it looks like it but it's just an optical illusion when the moon is close to the horizon, your mind compares it to the other objects you're seeing around it"

"But it's soon coming"

"Um?"

"The harvest moon?" Toby said, shifting gears "It'll be here soon."

She took a moment, contemplating the deep meaning of his words " Yea" she said finally. Spencer found a reassurance in his words. Although posing as a question; they seemed factual, definite, as though he was assured that nothing was truer.

Their harvest moon would come. They will be able to move on.

Until then, she was learning to breathe again.

"Thank you for everything today. I really needed this"

Toby kept his eyes off of the road for a moment, taking in the beauty beside him "Anytime"

Mirroring the position, she had assumed on her trip down to the lake- her head on the window sill- she fell in, this time, into a blissful slumber.

Toby felt the breeze swim through his hair, and looked at the moon overhead. Everything would be alright, he convinced himself.

** *It Was The Calm Before The Storm***

Later on, after he had taken a very sleepy Spencer to her apartment, Toby inserted the key into the lock of his own abode. The creak of the door echoed throughout the hallways, surely waking some of his neighbors in the process. He was met with the vast darkness that occupied every inch of his home, so he sent his hand over the plastered wall in search of the light switch. The instant brightening of the room took him a moment to get adjusted to, but when he had, his eyes immediately darted to the figure on his couch. Startled, he took a step back, his heart beating thunderously in his chest.

Her hair covered the majority of her face in dark long waves, and as she lifted her head slowly, her tear soaked face was revealed. Toby's eyes shifted from her face to the luggage tucked carefully at her feet. She opened her mouth to speak, but her trembling lips refused to form any decipherable language and she burst into deep cries again, the tears quickly rolling down the hands that were now covering her face.

Toby rushed to the girl's side, and seeing that she was obviously distraught he enveloped her in his arms. She rested her head safely into his chest, pulling on his jacket, balling the material in her hand, as her body rack with sobs.

He placed a comforting kiss in her hair, and even though he didn't know what the matter was at this moment, he found his eyes filling with tears at the sound of her heart-wrenching cries.

With the door still wide opened, he rocked her gently until her wails became soft sniffles and she was breathing at regular intervals again…

_**I hope you get the themes of all the chapters, this one was really about breathing and finding peace in the midst of total chaos. It was a somewhat quiet chapter but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. 'Relief Point' is actually near where I live and it's easily one of the most breathtaking places I ever been, so I thought I'd incorporate it into the story as it went along nicely with the theme. I have to warn you that this chapter is really the calm before the storm. I've already began writing the next chapter: No Signs Of Truth and hopefully I will get to upload it soon.**_

_**So tell me who you think the girl that Toby was comforting at the end of the chapter was. Give me your feedback, I need to know that I'm not talking to myself (ha), and how the story is going (me gusta? No me gusta?). **_

_**So until next time,**_

_**-Tané**_


	12. No Signs Of Truth

**Hola, muchas gracis por otro vez. You guys are the driving force of my inspiration to write .**

****No Signs Of Truth**

_Sometimes telling the truth can do more harm than good_

- _Alison Dilaurentis_

Physically and mentally exhausted, Toby watched as the colors streaming through the window transformed from a soft midnight blue into a palate of orange and yellow. His back ached from the unnatural position it had assumed all night under the weight of the crying girl. She had told him nothing of what had been ailing her, and he had just been contended just to soothe her until she was ready to talk. Whatever the issue was, Toby knew what Emily needed was a listening ear. Moreover, she needed her closest friends to lean on….

* * *

_Throwing a red rose- a symbol of her deep love for him- into the six feet deep hole, where his casket was being lowered into, Emily cried._

_She had cried before._

_She had experienced death before._

_She had felt this pain before_

_She had prayed this pray before._

_When would enough be enough? It seemed whenever her heart was about to heal, something always happened that tore the wound afresh. She forgot what peace felt like; she forgot what it felt to be completely happy…_

_Her mother had been to one to steady her, catching her collapsing daughter in her arms. She hadn't even realized that she was falling, and again as she had done so many times now, she cried over a lost one. She felt the pain of the certainty that came along with knowing the last time she saw him, was the last time, she'll ever see him. Opening her mouth, to scream his name, nothing came out, nothing but a hoarse rasp and the soft, insufferable murmur at the back of her throat that said "Dad!"_

Now, in the present as she shook herself of the painful past, she turned the knob on the shower, hoping that the scalding water would ease her.

* * *

Everything was eerily quiet when she stepped out of the shower. Retreating to Toby's small room, she unzipped her suitcase of belongings and quickly got dressed. The shower had failed in its attempt to soothe her. Though she was physically cleansed, there was still the issue of her emotions. Her past mistakes clawed away at her insides, making it feel like her soul was constantly bleeding. Pulling the cardigan closer around her in a futile attempt to calm herself, Emily closed the door behind her, but halted abruptly as she entered the small living room being met with three additional pair of eyes staring at her.

In a semi- circle, Aria, Hanna, Spencer and Toby sat on the edge of their seats, all with smiling faces- a façade to the worry that lay underneath.

Emily sighed heavily, watching as their smiles slowly disintegrated and morphed into sullen lines across their faces, the barriers that they had put up failing in its restraint at the sight of their friend. Taking a seat, opposite the lot of them, Emily couldn't help but compare this with an intervention and made another null attempt at calming herself by biting down hard on her tongue, until she sure it was bleeding.

Spencer got up from her seat- never being one to calm herself in peculiar situations- and rested one hand on her head to ease her migraine, and the other on her hip. Emily looked at her seeing the internal struggle present in her tired eyes. There was a long crease across the length of her usually crisply pressed clothes- a sure tell-tale of her distress.

"Emily, we've been worried sick about you! Where have you been? Spencer's rasped, breaking the icy tension.

Swallowing back the lump that had already began to form in her throat; Emily bowed her head, her freshly washed hair falling about her face. She felt a hand around her shoulder and repressed the sob that was causing her body to ache. Peeking through her dark curtain, she saw that it was Aria, sitting on the arm of the chair, looking down at her "Em, you know you can tell us anything" she assured her friend.

"Yea, we're here for you" Hanna's voice came from across the room where she was still sitting next to Toby.

Emily let their words sink in for a moment. It was Toby that had told her once that friends weren't like family; they'd accept you for who you were. So sitting amongst the four people who had accepted her even in times when she didn't fully accept herself, she felt something of certainty that they'd do the same for her now.

"I went to California…." Her voice trailed off with a saddening edge.

"Why?" Spencer spoke up again.

"I needed to get away" she answered, tucking strands of her hair behind her ear.

"From what?" Spencer asked "And why California?"

She was finding it hard to compartmentalize her thoughts so that she could articulate them into a proper sentence that would answer Spencer's questions.

"There's just-just" was all she could manage before tears were reintroduce to her eyes. Fighting the tremors that threaten to seize her voice, she decided to start from the beginning and unearth the truth. If she was going to be free, she decided that partial freedom was just as bad as none. She would have to tell them everything.

She looked up at her friends, her eyes bouncing between them "They're some things I need to tell all of you…"

Emily was taken through time, the periodical calendar of her mind rewinding to two years ago, to that dark epoch that everyone, mostly herself, wished they could wash from their brains:

_Two loud thunderous knocks landed on Jenna's small apartment door, followed by another duo of thumps. Emily was furious, a state that she had found herself constantly in. She deserved this right? She deserved to angry at the world, after everything it had thrown her way. She couldn't be pure, sweet Emily anymore; it had yielded nothing but pain to be that person. So, she had decided without even deciding that she'd just not care anymore. She didn't feel like fighting the bitterness that laid in wait to capture her soul, she didn't want to feel…._

_But that feeling of not feeling was temporary, and in order to make the temporary, permanent, she had done some stuff that she wasn't proud of. Things that if she dare uttered, Pam would certainly disown her. But who cared right?_

_No one was there to care anymore._

_So when she felt the bundle of emotions surge in her throat, and knew that willing it away would quite do the job anymore, she began to beat thunderously with the palms of both of her hands "Jenna! Jenna! I know you're in there! Open up!"_

_Hearing no reply, she intensified her beating "I swear Jenna…! Open up the damn door!_"

"Em, why were you at Jenna's?" Hanna voice cut her from her retelling, a formation of lines creasing her forehead. "Why were you back in Rosewood?"

"I was living in Rosewood…for almost two months then. I lost my scholarship"

"What?!" Spencer exclaimed, much too loudly "So when we all thought you were at Danby, you were here? Exhaling a breath, Spencer composed herself, taking a more calm approach "Em, we were all in that dark place-

"You guys don't get it! That wasn't just another rough patch I was going through. I was lost, I was completely gone…" Emily's voice became quiet; her head sinking back down, a mechanism for coping that she had developed "I started taking anti- depressants, but after everything got out of control, after I started relying on them for everything. I was sad, I'd pop a pill, I was happy, I'd pop a pill. I couldn't distinguish between the two anymore…. And I just…

Aria rubbed soothing circles on her back, comforting her.

"That night" Emily cleared her throat " I went over to her house in a drug haze, scared of losing that high- afraid that I'll have to feel all the disappointment and failures and pain, and the dead bodies of everyone I've ever loved….just piling up before my eyes. So I went to Jenna's that night, and after I beat on her door for a good fifteen she finally let me in…."

_"Emily, how many times have I told you not to come to my home!?"Jenna's green eyes were alight with anger._

_Throwing her bag carelessly on the sofa and shrugging off her jacket she tossed it there too. "You haven't been answering my calls, returning my text…what was I supposed to do?" She looked around the heavily decorated apartment-everything looked so fragile and breakable._

_Grabbing the items that Emily had just thrown off in her hands, Jenna handed them forcefully back to her "Just go!" she demanded_

_The dark hair girl twisted on her heels, her cheeks puffing from the smile that was forming on her face. She was giddy, intoxicated with her own lust- need for a refreshment of her high- She was control by some force, one that whispered into her ear, justifiable reasons for her uncharacteristic behavior. It was an insane reassurance that chanted over and over until it became the mantra of her mind. It beat in sync with the rhythm of her heart, so turning her head in the direction of a livid Jenna, she said almost hauntingly what it wanted her to say._

_"I'm not leaving until I get what I came for Jenna!"_

"Em" Spencer cooed, sitting on the other chair arm to wrap her arms around her "Why didn't you come to us about the problems you were having. You know that we would have done anything to help you"

Emily sniffed "You and Hanna, you seemed so happy away at college, plus you were miles away and Aria left…" she bowed her head again, before looking up at the awfully quiet man sitting "And Toby, he was working" She trailed off

"C'mon Em, you know that we always tell each other everything." Spencer tried again "How are we ever to build a good relationship amongst ourselves if we keep so many secrets from each other?

Hanna felt a pang of guilt as her blue eyes darted to Toby: she knew why Toby left; she had caused Spencer so much pain by not telling her. She remembered Alison saying that sometimes telling the truth does more harm than good. Maybe she was right. For the first time, she saw a waver in Toby's eyes, those restraints coming down. But if she knew the truth, they both knew for sure that they would just unscrew the cork to hell…

Arias rested her hand on her stomach. Spencer was her best friend, more than that, she felt a sisterly connection between them, and never having a sister of her own, she valued their relationship with everything. So, why was it that she couldn't bring herself to tell her that she was pregnant, when she left for Africa? Why couldn't she just utter those words: Spence, I was pregnant, I had the baby and gave her up for adoption. Was she ashamed? Or maybe because she couldn't even summon up the courage to say this to herself. To tell herself that she was a mother and somewhere out there, she had a child.

How was Toby living with knowing all about her pregnancy? Did he think differently of her?

Toby was a container of secret right now. With Spencer's jarring words, Emily's confession, Hanna eyeing him, and Aria absent minding rubbing her now flat stomach, he felt like he was on the verge of bursting. Everything, was so messed up, there were layers and layers of lies and no signs of truth. Emily was unburdening her soul. Will he ever have that chance? To be completely free? Would Spencer ever understand? How would she handle knowing that the reason he left was because of two people closest to her? And that ever burning question that had dominated his mind every day: would she be able to love him again?

"What happened after?" he decided to say

Being taking back again, she allowed herself to travel through time

_It had been a jumble of emotions for her. She wasn't even sure how the fight with Jenna had started. There were patches of dark areas in her mind, it refused to render those memories, maybe too afraid of what they'd be. She remembered though, fighting to overcome her emotions. She remembered the scratches and the stinging burns that she hadn't felt until everything was over. She remembered being fueled by that gnawing pain and more so, in that moment, fear for her life…._

_Jenna was adamant, she saw a threat in Emily that needed to be annihilated, so she fought furiously, pushing Emily against the table; she felt a bruise form along the width of her back. The dark hair girl had grabbed hold of the table, refusing gravity, refusing the urge to kneel over and let Jenna win. Galloping like a horse towards her, the once blind girl threw out her arms, attempting to grab at Emily's throat, but she had lashed it away. She had gain hold of her arm and yanked it hard until she collided with the wall but Jenna had regained her composure quickly and begun to charge at her again. Through scuffles and blown, Emily aimed to keep herself alive and frustrated with Jenna's advances coupled with her building pressure, she shoved her with all her might…._

Emily came out of her reverie, her eyes still far away "I saw that she wasn't moving, and I rushed over to her but…." Blinking away a tear, she looked up at her ghost-stricken friends. Their faces said everything their mouths could not. She felt that familiar nauseous feeling surging again, and willed it to go away. "I called the ambulance….."

"Em? What are you saying?" Toby asked "You don't think…"

"I don't know. I can't remember anything after that. I don't remember anything really …I was in and out of it…with these intense fevers that I had afterwards, but when I do remember calling you" she pointed at a Toby.

"We talked but you didn't say anything about Jenna"

"I was too afraid…I didn't know what to do, so when the ambulance came. I left. The next day I could remember less but the three of you were back home, so I went to Spencer's house but I saw Melissa instead… and I-"

A loud knock on the door startled all of them, cutting Emily's sentence mid-way. Toby looked up confused, he was not expecting anyone.

All of them got up, curious as to whom their unexpected visitor was. Toby opened the door cautiously as everyone took an anticipatory breath.

"Officer, Can I help you?" Toby spoke up

The sturdy, rounded officer cleared his throat "Yes, I'm looking for an Emily Field"

Emily shakingly identified herself, before looking to her equally bewildered friends. "I'm her" she affirmed.

Taking a silver pair of cuffs from his uniform, the officer held them up "Emily Fields, you're under arrest."

A chorus of gasps echoed on the wall.

Flabbergasted, confused and distraught, Emily's movements became almost robotic. Thousands of new questions formed in her mind, but the world would not allow her to utter them as now time seemed to lapse into slow movements, drawling like a gelatinous substance down a turned over container.

They stood there for a moment that seemed to edge its way into eternity. The officer, with the silver restraints in his hands. And the four of them, lining the entrance, their faces swallowed in completed devastation.

**So that was intense! Quick note, that nothing is as it seems (shout out to the all the mystery books that I have devoured in my childhood). I needed to end it there, I know that that leaves the chapter open to a lot of assumptions but things aren't always as they appear ;).**

**I know that it wasn't exactly Spoby-centered, but I needed to get Emily's secret out of the way so the rest of the story could unravel. When I wrote to the Broken Hearted and The Weary Soul (chapter7) I had this chapter in mind. She was really broken and she didn't have anyone to turn to. But good news! She'll be okay as will Spoby. I've said it before, I want this story to be one of forgiveness and healing (and rainbows and unicorns). So, it will have a happy ending. So tell me what you thought. Any good theories? Any ideas? Suggestions.**

**Next chapter entitled: Which Way Is Up, will be set a week in the future, so stay tune.**

**Hasta la vista**

**-Tané**


	13. Which Way Is Up?

**Which Way Is Up?**

_I think I've lost my way_

_I've found myself, screaming in a crowd_

_But no one stopped_

_To ask if I was okay_

Ghostly shadows on the wall, Spencer refused to go back to sleep, for fear of what her mind might conjure up. Five minutes prior, she had awoken, soaked in sweat from her mental haunting a much too realistic nightmare- and presently she was trying to get her breathing to return to normalcy, which had proven a task within itself.

Grabbing for her 100 thread count duvet, Spencer grabbed instead a white cotton sheet. Feeling the unfamiliar material threading between her fingers, her face furrowed in confusion and for the first time since she had awoken, she took in her surroundings, only to be thrown off by the completely foreign space. Her attempt to breath at regular intervals failed miserably as she tried to make sense of her current situation.

Okay, so she was pretty sure that her walls were egg white, not beige

That was not her closet and she was pretty sure she had never seen that chair in her life.

And who just throws their clothes over the chair back? Spencer rolled her eyes, being carried away for a moment by her compulsive tendencies. Appraising the jeans and blouse thrown haphazardly over the piece of furniture, Spencer gasped at their familiarity. Those where her clothes! She looked down at herself, holding the front of the much- too- large t-shirt that she was wearing in between her fingers. Springing from the bed in such haste, her foot momentarily caught in the tangle of the sheet causing her to stumble a bit, she pointed accusingly at it, her eyes as wide as saucers. Blood sloshed through her head, rushing to maintain an equal balance throughout her body, and making her feel nauseous in the process and as she fought to steady herself, she caught a glance of herself in the mirror. Her flailing increased tenfold as she made vicious attempts to undo the mess that her night rest had done. She finger- combed her mahogany locks that had been protruding like cat wire, untangling the bonfire of hair atop of her head. She removed the mascara that had not submitted to her nightly tossing, and had smudge in places around her eyes. She had looked kind of like a Gothic rocker, if she'd care to admit it.

Being appeased by her slight improvement, she shook herself from the distraction of her morning appearance, tiptoeing carefully to the door. There was a mystery to be solved here; nothing in the room rang a bell and her mind was a jumble of distorted memories. As she eased her ear to the door to listen, it sprung open and her face immediately collided with something rock hard. Her hands patted up and down its length until she felt the rising and falling sensation and her head snapped up to meet with Toby's face- one eyebrow raised above the next, smelling like aftershave and noticeably sans shirt-an irresistible formula. Forgetting that her hands were still plastered to his chiseled abdominal, Spencer felt her cheeks transform from a dewy pale skin color to crimson red, as she mentally appraised the face, that for so many days, she had swoon over. The close contact of skin to skin, instantaneously caused the room to shoot up in intensity, the chemical makeup of the room changing considerably, and she found her words coming out in drunken fumbles, still yet with the rasp that made her undeniably sexy to the man in front of her "Toby-Toby, what are you doing here?" she managed to formulate but once again got lost words, when he began to smile down at her. It was that one sided-smile that made her want to rip his clothes off and think about the consequences later. "I live here, Spencer" he said, though his words lacked a certain conviction, as his mind was preoccupied, drinking in the wonderment before him. The accidental suave with which he had said it though added to the heat of the situation. He had said it barely above a whisper, and it seemed to be said just for the purpose of drawing her closer to him. Looking up from beneath her long lashes, she watched as his eyes trailed down to her seemingly disembodied hands. When her brain was screaming for her to remove her hands, they'd refused the request, feeling at home, feeling ignited by the sculptured body and the heat that emitted from it. Eventually though, but not without some resistance, they submitted and lifted off, and she gave him an awkward smile, hoping that he hadn't recognize the effect he still had on her.

The electricity in the air though remained, it rained heavy in the small room, and as she turned to grab her clothes from the chair's back, she caught a glance of him in the mirror. It was obvious that she was having an impact on him, as whatever he had come to say lay forgotten in the valleys of his mind. He watched her movements as she bent slightly to retrieve the blouse that had gotten away from her grasp and inches more of the acres she called legs were revealed. She allowed herself to revel in the glory for a bit. Much hadn't change between them in this department. There was still that passion lying unused, ready to be taking up by one of them. Knowing that they had so much ammunition between them caused both of them to itch in anxiety, and a involuntary spasm wove its way through her body and he cleared his throat to dissipate the thick cloud of attraction that was dominating the tiny area.

Spencer focused on the task at hand, taking the clothes and stepping out the door, into the bathroom, leaving Toby to fend for himself. She was sure the mental image of her, in his t-shirt again would be added to the collage of the other countless times, she had donned his shirts. Lifting the plain white, oversize t-shirt over her head, shards of her memory of the past week came back to her as the sleep-grogginess lifted. She wished that some of it wouldn't come back to but there were moments in the chaos that she was sure she'd treasure forever.

Spencer groaned as the incoming influx of unwanted memories took precedence in her mind.

_The cop was handcuffing Emily. A string of profanities flew threw her head or were there flying out her mouth? To everyone else they were just indecipherable banters, words joined on at the tail, as she fought to squeeze a sentence into a breath. She inserted herself between the officer and Emily, acting as a shield against him, and demanded answers with the authoritative air she had mastered. The officer had tried to be polite yet assertive- a balance, yet to be achieve- but there was no calming the infuriated girl. The man had kept his ground, saying that he was informed that Melissa and Emily had an altercation the night of August 27th, at the Art Gala, which had left the former battered. Apparently, Melissa had claimed that Emily attacked her in a drunken rage and she had skipped town after. Blah, blah ,blah ,lies ,lies, lies was the translation. Melissa was such an effing case, trying to stir up trouble. To what possible end? She had yet to understand the intricacy of her sister's insanity. Spencer wished that she could tell of the insurmountable amount of evidence she found against her sister, without incriminated both herself and Toby for breaking into her office._

_Things derailed even further when Spencer directed her pent up anger towards Melissa on the officer, getting handsy as she tried to physically remove the restraints from her friend's hands. Amidst all of this, Toby's attempts to calm her down had fell on deaf ears, as she soon found herself being forcefully pushed into a cop car, a pair of handcuffs, now around her wrist too and Emily beside her, riding off into the night to the precinct. Friends don't let friends get arrested alone, right?_

Spencer rubbed her wrist absently, exiting the bathroom, now fully clothed.

"I thought you had died in there" Toby said playfully when she entered the room again. He handed her a steaming cup of coffee, which she accepted eagerly. Sipping the hot liquid carefully, she allowed its intoxicating aroma to captivate her, and she closed her eyes as she felt it travel down her esophagus and warm her stomach. When she opened her eyes, Toby was staring at her intently, a glint in his eyes "What?" she smiled against the rim of the cup.

He shook his head, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down in his throat "Nothing" he bowed his head, before reattaching his eyes to hers "Some things just never change"

Their eyes danced together for a moment. Spencer was sure this was enough to cause a huge spike if she was attached to a heart monitor. "You're still ragging on me, for getting arrested?"

His smile broadened and a laugh escaped his throat, he let his head fall slightly to the side. Spencer adored his quiet mannerisms. "You were like a Mama Bear protecting her cubs"

"Well" she said, setting down her half emptied cup of coffee "I consider Emily family. I just can't believe Melissa would do something like this. We both know that she's lying, but why?"

"I don't know" Toby shook his head.

Rubbing a hand over her exhausted face, Spencer pondered everything "I just don't know- this whole thing with Emily, and Jenna….

"Hey, Emily did not kill Jenna. They are a lot of things she doesn't remember about that night. Emily, she not capable of murder, we all know that. We also know that evidence can sometimes make an innocent person look guilty."

Spencer swallowed the lump in her throat, her eyes slowly traveling back to his. They both knew what he was talking about. There was so much more to the story but this part of it had been stored away in a dark corner under heavy lock and key. It had become the thing they never talk about and the mention of it, now made her feel uneasy.

"Toby, I never thought that you were…"

"I know "Toby interjected, not wanting to be burdened today with the past

"It's just that you were…."

"Its okay" he assured her, taking her hand and giving it a tight squeeze "Now drink up, there somewhere we need to be"

* * *

"When are Aria and Emily getting back from the lake house?" Toby asked walking up the concrete steps.

Spencer rubbed her hands together, trying to regulate the heat in her body "Ummm, tomorrow I think"

Both of them stepped up the last stepped in sync arriving at the large Marin's door. Hanna's mother had left her the house that she had grown up in- the house that Spencer herself had spent many nights in, deciphering clues and mulling over A's text. Somehow it seemed smaller, foreign, some place she knew in a past lifetime. She wished that the memories of A and the impact they had on her life, would become like that for her, but they were still life- size, prominent and very familiar as she was now finding herself in a similar situation. Reaching for the doorbell, Spencer's hand immediately missed her aim as she was startled by a shrill, blood curdling scream that seemed to encapsulate the entire neighborhood. Her blood went immediately cold and everything else became a blur of action, as her body propelled itself through the large door. No sooner than what seemed to be a micro-second, she was inside, running frantically across the living area and up the flights of steps- missing two and three at a time. Toby was right next to her and as another scream rang out, Spencer's heart grew faint from alarm and the irregular beating patterns.

"I can't believe this, I can't believe this" the sobs trailed from the bathroom and before they knew it they were pushing open its door.

Both of them stuck in position at the entrance of the bathroom, they watched as Hanna sat folded on the floor, dripping red falling from her head onto the tiled floor in spattered array. She caught some of the drippings in her hand-it, staining her fingers- before she looked up, her blues eyes highlighted by the tears that blanket them. "I dyed it red" she whimpered, holding strands of her now bright hair between her fingers "Now it's too red"

"Hanna! You scared the living daylights out of us!" Spencer scolded. Beside her, Toby let out a weighty breath.

"It looks horrible!" Hanna cried again, and Spencer found her anger waning, despite her trembling shock-filled body. Taking a seating next to her on the floor, Spencer wrapped an arm around her "It doesn't look that bad."

"You think?" Hanna sniffled, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Spencer looked at her friend's, dripping fiery head, cringing at its intensity "They're always hats" she rasped causing Hanna to let out a small laugh, leaning her head under Spencer's chin. "Okay, then will you help me" she frowned, puckering her lips "I want it blonde again"

"That" Spencer got to her feet "Will have to wait. C'mon get dress, there's actually someplace Toby and I wanted to take you"

"Yeah" Hanna cheered, getting to her feet "I love surprises. Just give me a minute"

* * *

What had been "Just give me a minute" had turned into an exact hour of Hanna getting ready. The loud clicking of her red, high hell pumps against the concrete steps had preceded her, and when they were finally 'blessed' with her appearance, she had been decked out in fashionably attire.-her red hair tucked safely under an equally tasteful hat. Spencer had assured her that where they were going, there wasn't a need to dress up but Hanna never fail to grasp an opportunity to showcase her wardrobe.

Presently, the three of them were standing just outside of the store that Hanna had planned to house her boutique. The day had been quite overcast, still clumps of blue peeked from behind the sun, and the parks which in summer time had been packed to capacity with bustling children was void of a single soul.

Hanna swung around to the two people beside her "Why are we here?

Toby and Spencer looked to each other, a smile on their faces. "Let's find out"

Hanna was bewildered as she held onto the handrails, walking up to her faded dreams. She hadn't been back here since that night and she did want to be here anyway. Caleb had tried to reassured her over the past few weeks, but she had been insistent that Rosewood was cursed and she should have taken her business somewhere else as her mother had instructed her.

Stepping into the store, Toby and Spencer heard the audible gasp that escape her throat. Hanna stood stoic, thrown off by the transformation. Realizing that for the first time since she knew her, that Hanna was rendered speechless, Spencer took the opportunity to speak "I know it still needs some work, but Toby and I, we wanted you to have your dream" Hanna took a few steps, her heels clanking, severing the quietness that reign in the store. She ran her hands over the now cleaned walls, her emotions fully conveyed on her face "We scrubbed the walls" Toby spoke up, turning to a Spencer "And we painted just a bit"

Hanna's felt the now perfectly chiseled, archway that she had only envisioned in her mind. Only a few weeks ago, the walls had been damaged so badly, she would have thought it irreparable.

"We know that you still have to work on the clothes and everything, but we thought that we could take care of the store and you'll take care of that" Spencer said softly.

Hanna's silence persuaded urged them on, "We came all week, until the morning some days"

Chucking lightly, Toby recalling the night before. They both had been so tired after countless nights of hard work and Spencer had fallen asleep at his place after they had gotten together to lay out schemes for the store. He hoped that Spencer cherished their week together as much as he did.

"Han?" Spencer words broke Toby's train of thought "Say something"

"I can't" Hanna finally turned around, tears visible in her eyes "I don't know what to say. I just can't believe you guys did all of this for me"

"Are you kidding me Han," Spencer smiled "We'll do anything for you. We love you"

Toby nodded in agreement "Plus we had help. Caleb was here almost every night and so were some of the other contractors"

"I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Thank you so much" Hanna finally worded her gratitude, enveloping them both into a hug.

Releasing them both, and wiping the tears from her eyes, Hanna threw her hands in the air, her emotions doing a 360. "This is a cause for celebration!"

"I'll order something" Spencer offered

"No, you guys did enough. This one's on me" she smiled

**Up Is Where You Decide**

After they had ordered, they all sat on the floor of the store, eating. From time to time, Hanna would look around and Spencer and Toby could see that glint in her eyes that had seemed dead over the past week. They sat there for quite a while, until the moon hung in the dark sky. The lesser of lights, it barely lit them but enough to cast shadows on the wall of the building. They spoke about the past, and what they hope for in the future. They spoke about things that had laid forgotten for quite a while, and as they brush off those old memories, the trio laughed among themselves. And for a moment Spencer stopped and watched as Toby and Hanna engaged in a wildly animated conversations. There were a lot of things Spencer could say about life. How it breaks us, and destroys us until we're barely recognizable even to ourselves. But she couldn't think about those things in this moment. She saw two people, bounded by friendship, she saw how they laughed. She took it in because these moments were rare. Somehow, these moments gave her a renewed faith in life. They were an eraser to the past mistakes, and heartaches. They had the ability to wash the slate clean, leaving room for something fresh and beautiful to grow. She had been stuck wondering which way was up, how she could make it back from everything. But this was the answer. Life was teaching her its quiet lessons, and oft times than not, she had allowed her own screaming- her self- constructed fear – to drown out the voice of her guidance. But here it this room, she heard it clear: She'd have to take it one day at a time. She'd have to savor the little things and dwell on the important things.

She knew that this story was a good one. All she'd have to do was walk through the valleys to make it to her mountains….

**Don't really like this chapter, as my mind was preoccupied with mid-terms but still tell me what you thought. I've already mapped out the next two chapters: The Countdown to Further Doom and She Came Undone so finger crossed that I'll get to update soon.**

**I am grateful to the persons who consistently review. I know that my updates are usually spacious and I've lost a lot of reader but the few that do read, you give me that push I need. So Thank you. So thank you a millon. Mwah!**


	14. She Came UnDone

**Author's Note: **

**When I first started this story, it gave me confidence. I never really thought that I was a good enough of a writer to even contemplate starting a story. Your kind reviews continued to propel me-acting as a driving force for my writing. I want it to be noted first of all, that I am eternally grateful to the persons who consistently reviewed/followed/favorite the story. However, I've found that the reviews have dwindled beyond a low. I don't really know the reason for this sudden change, but I am kind of taking it as a sign that the story isn't written well, or that it isn't good at all. My story writing skills aren't all of that well developed, as I've spent the majority of my life writing poetry and music. So, like when a series receives low ratings, it is cancelled, I think I'm going to let this story go. But! Only for a short time. I will continue to write the chapters still and I promise that I'll come back 1000 times more awesome. I'll finish up the story then, and I promise that the mystery will be solved and that Spoby will have a happy ending. I think that it is a huge task, trying to write a story with forgiveness as the theme. It usually involves a lot of angst at the beginning that needs to be treaded through, but I hope I did a good enough job with it.**

**So with that said, I take a bow and say a thank you to all you glorious people. Thank you a million for the sunshine you brought to my life.**

**Here's a chapter for you lovely people **

**Playlist: Sad, Beautiful, Tragic- Taylor Swift**

**She Came Undone**

_She came undone, broken_

_He was manufactured to destroy_

_Together, though _

_They became something of magnificence_

Spencer was nine then.

And though more than a decade had passed, she remembered that antique doll.

She had eagerly ripped the wrapping off the present with such a childlike innocence-wide-eyed and careless.

Only to unveil a thousand broken pieces. She remembered that feeling as her parents had soothed her with non-committed promises. She carried that feeling around with her everyday- that broken, undone feeling.

That is, until she met him….

_His blue eyes showed through the crack of the door, and her eyes gravitated to them, cradling them with her own. He was not like she had imagined. A softness emitted from him- a pure tenderness that beckoned to her. Yet this goodness about him was guarded behind walls and walls, much like the door that acted as a hindrance between the two of them in that moment._

_He saw her face, and though only a portion of it through the small opening, it was enough to take his breath away. He remembered not being able to tear his eyes away. There was something about her that drew him in._

_And in one moment, he took the chance and look into her eyes. He saw the defense that she had assumed, shattering, and without much thought, he had unlatched the door and stepped out onto the patio._

_Little did he know that that action of stepping out from behind his door would be a life altering moment for him…_

_Little did she know, that a hole in his armor had formed and she had been the cause…_

_There is never a time or place for true love, she once read. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment._

_This heartbeat, this instant, tragically beautifully moment where she found herself in a free-fall, falling swiftly with no safety net and she welcomed it. She welcomed this new found hope with open arms… _

_And as time grew, so did the bond between them. She saw clearly for the first time. She breathed steadily for the first time. Everything in her life- the struggles, the need for acceptance and approval – were whisk away by these never-ending emotions that she held for him. Precaution wasn't a necessity as she threw herself into the deep ocean of love and drowned in it. She reveled in it until it encapsulated her entire being. She became that love._

_She loved him, with equal passion as he loved her._

_And when the storm clouds came, they bathed in its troubles together. They fought together. But more so than not, they won together…._

…_.But the miseries of their past soon eclipsed their happiness_

_The troubles had eventually overtake them_

_And they found their feet slipping…._

_Heartache knows no man, like an unsuspected one. Her heart was stolen. He had packed it up with the rest of his belongings and left. If she allowed herself to admit it, he was her heart. He was what had caused her to live, and she knew in theory and definition, it sounded extreme, borderline crazy. But in reality, she had known love. She had known it capabilities, its strengths How it made her fall, yet made her stand. How it made her die, but made her live…_

_She was taken by surprise by the intensity of what she held towards him, yet nothing could outdo the surprise she felt when he left._

* * *

He plucked the smallest string on the guitar, and the sound of it resonated and vibrated through his ear passages. It was profound how one note could erupt into something so powerful, it stirred his soul within him.

That one note transformed into melodious chords, his fingers assumed their rightful position on the acoustic instrument. As they gathered together, they raised in crescendo, bringing to life, the emotions that had laid dead in him for so long. His voice meshed perfectly, and the stringing became background to the smooth release of his vocal chords.

_Give me love like her _

All he knew of love was her. Before knowing her, he thought he had grasp the concept of what love was.

His father had loved his mother.

He had loved his mother.

Yet there was something expansively different about loving Spencer.

She unlocked his caged soul, and breathed life into it. She had made him whole. And though it seemed like his path before was leading him to his inevitable demise- a life full of bitterness over a dead mother, and an absentee father,- she had been that northern star that guide him safely.

She was a promise that had never been unbroken.

He was never sure what he was looking for. He hadn't even realized that he was looking for something. Until he found it. And nothing was ever the same again…

_Lately, I've been waking up alone…._

Those words shattered his hearts.

He looked at the bed beside him- empty. No signs that he had actually slept there.

He found it hard to sleep since she wasn't his anymore. Just like the place in his heart, no one could quite fill his bed, or his dreams like her.

He would watch her as her body moved up and down in slight inhalations and exhalations and the sun would peek through his curtains, and glorify the beauty that lay restfully beside him.

He ached for that chance again.

…_. Told you I'd let you go…._

Overcome by his stirring emotions, his voice broke in hoarse rasp. The echoing shatter of his heart being ripped afresh from his body cause him to halt his music altogether. Losing her was an almost unbearable one. Really and truly, he wasn't sure if he was even alive.

He felt like he merely existed.

Going through the motions of the living, yet a peak into his soul would reveal the utter void.

It was scary when someone has such an impact, that you can't breathe around them- because they constantly and consistently take your breathe away- or that you could breathe without them-because they become your breath.

But what is love, if you can't give your all?

* * *

Tears soaked her pillow.

It brought a release. It was an emptying of the emotions that had suffocated her soul for so long.

It was preparing, leaving room for something more beautiful to take its place.

And for some strange reason. Reasons only privy to the knowledge of God, she began to smile.

Spencer turned on her side on her large bed.

Her palms together underneath her head.

She watched the display of array as the day announced its arrival.

Outside the leaves rustled against the window, and the birds further heralded the morning, with their symphony of whispering chirpings. Letting out a sleepy yawn, she thought of what the day would be like. Hanna had her store back, Emily would be okay with the help of her friends, Aria seemed to be coming around, and things with Toby seemed to be thriving upward alas.

Regardless of what the day brought, Spencer decided that she would welcome it. There was something different about today, an inexplicable surrender of happiness.

Whatever it was, she felt an urgency to reach it…

* * *

Toby rested his guitar down, careful not to untune the delicate instrument in the process. Coffee from the neighbors wafted through his apartment, awakening his mind once more to thoughts of her. He thought of her smile again, the way she bowed her head and the way only one dimple showed when she really laughed But most of all he thought about how she brightened up his life- the sun outside pale in comparison.

He knew what he wanted, so he took a mental step backwards and looked carefully at what was keeping them apart and came up with what he had known all along- himself.

He knew what he needed to do. He knew that he had to tell her the truth-the complete truth. And then maybe things could go back to the way they were. Maybe then, they could both let their hearts love again.

Taking a weighty breath, Toby looked out through his window and declared into the day, good things to come.

And he held onto that hope as the sun continued its ascension…

**Credit to -Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever for that quote, brilliant woman, equally brilliant writing. And of course, the very talented Ed Sheeran "Give Me Love" , also to Taylor Swift's "Sad, Beautiful, Tragic", which I listened to while writing this.**

**I have actually written so much, that my spacebar key fell off today (*so ashamed) and then my Enter key stopped working too (Ha) and then to add to everything my Backspace decided to ditch me too. (Today is officially my day. Round of applause to life, people XD). **

**If any of you guys want to talk Spoby/PLL, feel free to talk to me on Tumblr :nojudgement-justlove.**

**So this is it for a while. Thank you all for everything-your support and kind words. Mwah!**

**So until some time**

**-Tan** **è**


	15. The Art of Dying

**The Art of Dying**

"When he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars and he will make the face of heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun."

...

_The stroke of her brush coincided with the dawning beat of his heart._

_Blue paint collided with red, at particular intervals, creating a patterned explosion of colors. From afar, they looked as though little thought had been poured into their arrangement. But upon closer inspection, its forethought, its effort, its meticulousness was revealed._

_In another space, capsulated by hallow lifeless walls- where death was oft a visitor, Spencer held onto his cold, pale hands, her heart urging her, that the tighter she held onto them, the greater his chance at survival would be._

_..._

_Aria appreciated her creation. For her, it extended a symbol of life. Some lines were caught in the tangle of other lines, never meeting an end- just lost-overshadowed –forgotten .In their purposefully jagged design, they captured a life never grasped, a shadow of a shadow._

_Some lines were __**flat, untangled, straight.**_

_It was so often that her work had transformed her into a different world, one particularly familiar, that of her past. She was 19 again, pregnant, scared and about to make the biggest decision of her life, her life a tangled mess, as she tried miserably to make a decision about her future and the future of her unborn child. The flashes of her maniacally stuffing her belongings into an undersized bag, the emptying of her stomach contents, the internal turmoil, played on an infinite loop in her mental recordings. _

_Lost between reality and reverie, her hold on the brush loosened and slipped from her grasp, its colors devastating the solid pattern of the rug beneath her feet._

_Mechanically, she reached for her phone. Her fingers danced as she punched in the number by memory._

_On the floor of her empty apartment, Spencer's partially dismantled phone laid ringing .She however, sat some blocks away, watching as the monitor above his head spike frantically. An involuntarily eruption of bile formed in her stomach, surging like an activated volcano._

_Streams of blurred-behind-her-tears medical professional streamed in, shouting orders amongst themselves and at her. "Get her out of here!" the doctor commanded. Spencer struggled against the gentle but firm arms that were taking her outside. It was only then, in the quiet of the waiting area, that she realized that she was frantically screaming "please don't let him die!" over and over. Further panic arose, causing her chest to tighten to the point where oxygen had to forcefully push its way inside her lungs. She watched them, charge his body over and over, yet the line became __**flat, untangle, straight**__. _

_The doctor, who had ordered her exit, turned to her, his eyes conveying his defeat and his regret._

_And for Spencer then, gravity ceased its function._

* * *

_**48 **__**hours **__**earlier…..**_

"Remember that time when we broke into your father's wine cabinet and stole a bottle of Jack Daniels?" Toby questioned on the other end of the line.

Spencer smiled, drinking in her appearance in the full body mirror- her hair curled in volumous rings. Perfection. Her blue tailored jacket with bronze buttons thrown casually over a black lacy blouse that plunged just enough to stir curiosity, her dark high -waisted skirt, showcasing her modelesque legs and her height enhanced by blue buttoned pumps.

"First things first" she rasped into the receiver "you broke in. Not me. I protested your adolescent delinquency-

"Yea. I'm pretty sure whispering in a monotone 'no please, don't do it' was the best effort you could summon" he retaliated.

Spencer laughed. Truthfully, she had enjoyed Toby's inner dare devil. "You got so wasted; you called my father 'Sir. Peter, and attempted to knight him, after he came home to find you swinging your shirt around in the air as you disrobed for me."

"You took advantage of my situation"

"Hey, you offered to strip for me. I'm not in the business of denying wishes"

"I'll hold you to that." He said, a smile in his voice "You know what? Let me write that down."

Spencer heard shuffling in the background, before his voice reappeared clear on the other end "Today" he began, scribbling as he spoke "Spencer J. Hastings, vowed that she will never deny my wishes"

"I never said your wishes" Spencer objected

"That's what I heard and since there are no other witnesses… going once… going twice…

"How did this become an auction thingy now" Spencer inserted, laughing

"Sold to the dude who's about to have all his wishes come through" he added with some seriousness.

Spencer bit her bottom lip, thankful that their conversation was via phone and he could not see her. She cleared her throat to dissipate the recurring hike of want that cross their geographical barriers "When is your ass coming back to Rosewood anyway." She stopped, then added a second later "I'm asking for Hanna, not for me. She's going all Queen bitch right now about opening the store in two weeks, and she's going to stomp you to powder with her nine- inch heels if you don't get back here soon."

"My ass and I usually travel together, so we'll be back tomorrow- together."

Spencer chuckled, reclining on her red armchair.

"And I know you missed me, don't lie"

Spencer opened her mouth to object, but a small giggle emitted instead.

"We should celebrate when I get back. Sushi on me?"

Spencer was taken aback for a moment, her silence prompted by the vision of actually eating sushi on him (or off him). Her face shot up in a crimson red.

"Sounds, um great" she fumbled, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

"See you then" he promised, his words drunken with happiness

"See you then"

* * *

Toby lifted the final box onto the counter of the bar his father now own, some miles out of Rosewood. It was odd. Everything about its appearance was weird. Stepping from outside, where the road laid gravelly and drenched with dust into the fanned-cooled bar, seemed a step between reality and fiction. It was a dedication to the 70's but it seemed that somewhere between the decoration and arrangements, his father had conceded, and now it resembled the bottom of a barrel where everything was dusty and dark and vaguely nightmarish. His father had joked that it was symbolic of the life with Jenna's mother, his stepmother.

This didn't get him down though. (It didn't seem to trouble the herd of men, who came regularly to ease the load that life had issued them.) Things were finally coming together with him and his father. Things were getting better with Spencer.

"Is it possible for you to stop all that smiling boy?"

Toby looked up at his father, who was vigorously wiping the counter down, his smile gathering in parenthesis around his mouth. He had aged some, yet he still had the built of a man, who had spent many a day, in strenuous labor. "I'm guessing its Spencer that got you grinning all the time?" he said without looking up.

"It's just a lovely day, that's all" Toby lied

"It' a good day every day and I haven't so much teeth as I've seen today. And I know its Spencer caused you two were keeping me with your very giggly phone conversations" he waved the towel in his hand.

"Guys don't giggle, okay dad?"

"You kidding me, you were practically skipping around outside this morning, singing something about pockets full of sunshine"

"I was only singing that because that's all the radio stations been playing since I got here." He defended "I'm sorry that we kept you up though. Thin walls."

He waved him off "Aw, I'm used to it. I mean all those night, she spent at our home"

Toby gave him a questioning look.

His father give him a c'mon- you –two –didn't-actually-think-you –fooled – me- look.

"I'm pretty sure, for the time you live with us anyway, that those weren't your high-pitched giggles coming out of your room" His father wiped the inside of a glass with a towel sending a chill up his spine "C'mon, you two were teenagers, and I was a teenage boy too, some blue moons ago. I know what it's like to be in love. I mean your mom and I did some pretty-

"Okay dad" Toby interrupted, I'm always the first to welcome memories of mom, but there are just some things you needed to keep to yourself."

"Okay" his dad conceded, resting the polished glass within the collection of others. He cleared his throat, much serious now "I'm just saying son that love like that isn't easy to find. Take it from me. When I met your mom, she was something."

Realizing that his father had that story-distance look in his eyes, he took a seat.

"It took me two years before she'd finally go out with me. Could you believe that? The girl was a fighter. You know what she said when we starting going out" he swallowed, his eyes misty with recollection. Then he said in the weirdest, high, pitched, though his eyes remained serious "She said, I wanted someone that would fight for me. When attraction wore out itself and you didn't see me, as the pretty girl across the street anymore cause you got accustomed to how blue they were and the chemical stuff faded, I wanted to see if, you still want me after the hype left. Cause, honestly, I'm never understood the pettiness of a boyfriend. What I'm really looking for is a soul mate"

He inserted some silence; Toby guessed for dramatic effect "You know what I did just then?"

Toby was intrigued "What?"

His eyes were twinkling as he leaned forward to relay a message it seemed, was only privy to their ears "I kissed her" he smiled

Toby smiled, "Did she kiss back?"

His father broke out into a wide grin, wiping another glass, then nonchantly said "Nope. She slapped me so hard. I lost a side tooth " he finished, then buckled over in laughter.

Toby joined in laughing together with his dad over how feisty his mother was.

"In all seriousness, I never met a women like her before, and I never met a woman like her after. She was the love of my life."

He looked at Toby now with a fatherly directness "What I'm saying son, is that if you have something like this with Spencer, then don't wait. Don't wait. She's a once in a lifetime girl. My grandmother used to always say, we can't be assured of tomorrow. I know that I haven' t been around much, for you growing up and for that, I'm sorry but I'm glad for today. I got to see my boy become this strapping young man, and I'm glad I get that. I glad I get that today"

For a moment, they remained like that, his hand sheltering Toby's with a comforting warmth. His father's eyes a worn blue, a once lively man half beaten by life. Toby's eyes searched his father's, he was the inexorable opposite of the man on the other side of the counter- lively, youthful and more than ever, hopeful.

He coughed before assuming a straighter posture "Help me bring the rest of boxes in, okay?"

Toby nodded, still pondering his father's words.

* * *

The filtering rays of the dimming sun caused a pattern of organish-yellow elongated bars across Spencer's face. Leaning against the counter, her attire now evident of a laborious day, she punched in the numbers for her parent's house into the cordless phone.

She brushed away the stray hair that had succumbed to the day's furious blowings, her eyes focused on the deity's masterpiece outside- a collage of pristine colors.

She was exhausted from having spent the entire day with Han, Em and Aria and had been anxious all day for Toby's arrival. She had missed them- her friends. It felt like old times again, when they'd sleep over at each other's house , watching Television, being young and fearless and after Han and Em were fast asleep Spencer and Aria would stay up late- their tone whispering, as they talk love- struck about the men that held their hearts.

She missed those times with Aria and she was hoping that Aria's distance lately was only a figment of her imagination.

The voicemail beeped on the other line. Spencer's disappointment reigned on her face. She knew that she wasn't exactly close to her parents but she was feeling an anxiety of some , lingering on severe excitement and she felt a yearning to hear their voices. Despite their many lackings and short-comings, there was an absolution about them and they were always so sure of themselves. That's what she needed- some sort of assurance that the prospects of letting Toby back in was the right avenue. "Dad, Mom" her voice resounded off the walls of her home "I just wanted to talk to you…. See how you're doing. I miss you. I'm fine. I'm working with Hanna on her store so that's been keeping me pretty occupied and…and Toby's back so … that's that" she sigh deeply, collecting her composure before placing the phone back on the receiver.

Maybe this was the period in her life where she had to be that reassurance for herself. Admittedly, there was still some reservation about opening her heart completely again but maybe she could again. This road felt good. She felt that fire that she had once believe was long time extinguished. She allowed herself to say it aloud, her insides quivering in its wake. "I am happy"

Her step tapping lightly against the winding stairs, she allowed herself to final believe it.

* * *

"_Don't wait" _

His father's words were on eternal replay. Stepping on the gas, his car obeyed, swiftly taking him at the desired pace.

" _She's a once in a lifetime girl"_

Toby s miled. She was every he had ever hoped for- down to her soul that was enraptured within such beauty. He never thought it possible to love someone with an entire being. But here he was, racing home, dying slowly to hold her in his arms, to taste her lips and to never let her go.

"Spencer" he said her name in anticipation.

Shadowy outlines of trees casted onto the asphalt road, Toby made his way back to Rosewood. The null of the area, left him alone with his thoughts for a bit. The early harvest moon had finally taken its position in the sky, and he thought of the time that Spencer had linked it to forgiveness and moving on. He smiled.

Then something changed drastically inside of him, in a split second thing seemed contrary. His heart abruptly ceased its function, his throat instantaneously parched.

Quick to his senses, he caught from the corner of his eyes, an oncoming vehicle right in his path.

It happened all at once:

He stepped harshly on the brake pedal, and the car came to a screeching halt.

Relieved, he held tightly onto the steering wheel, as the other vehicle flew past him and into the night- its roaring a jarring buzz against the dark asphalt.

He had not realized that his halt had been in the middle of an intersection, where speeding ahead, another driver whose life's clock was just entering 00:00.

He froze in his position, the oncoming headlights starring his paralyzed state.

He had smashed into him full force. This attempt on his life had succeeded unlike the first, as his car tumbled unto its back. Shattering and metallic smells dominated the air, as the car's tumbling finally came to a collision with a tree.

He was upside down, stuck to his seat by the stubborn restraint. His hair flung down in blood saturated clumps and his eyes fought to open despite the jarring pain behind them.

A pool of blood quickly settled near his head, as he fought the shock of what had happened.

Finally gaining victory over his now swollen eyes, he cautiously turned her neck to assess his predicament. A sharp pain arose from his left thigh. He forced himself to look down.

Despite the pain it caused him to do so, he began to pull his foot from the place where it was held refuge. His muffled cries began as whimpering wail until they became more wild and frantic, interjected with short, sharp gasps.

"Help!" he tried

There was this distinct feeling that no one was listening. And that feeling captured the entire wreckage that she was a part of.

For the first time since realizing his predicament, the thought of death crept into her mind. The thoughts of the unknown swallowed him up in its grasp.

"Help!" he screamed again, overcome by his helplessness.

The gateway to his thoughts flooded open:

**The thought of never,**

_Spencer fixed her hair once more in the mirror, anxious about Toby's impending arrival. She swung around enough to capture the scene behind her- a collection of exotic lain out in picnic-like manner across the length of her apartment .She smiled at the possibilities of what tonight might mean and she felt that eruption of electricity once more in the pit of her stomach. Things were finally looking up._

**And regrets and maybes,**

_Her movement halted in the dyingly-busy streets of Rosewood. She knew she shouldn't but something was compelling her to. She knocked on the wooden door of his apartment- rapidly, so that she wouldn't talk herself out of it. He opened the door, huge glasses donning his beautifully maturing face. There was a brief moment of surprise, but it soon vanished. _

"_I need to talk to you Ezra" she looked down at the brown thorny mat "it's important"_

**And unfulfilled promises….**

_A father took up a picture from the counter of his youngest daughter. There were so many things he had wanted to say to her. There was only a matter of time, before everything would go downhill and he wouldn't be able to anymore….._

Before his body succumbed to its injuries, one last thought of her entered his mind.

Then there was total oblivion.

_Death is feared because we know nothing of it. It is not the fear of ceasing to exist; it's the fear of not knowing what'll happen next. It is this deep pit of darkness that made you lose control, made you give yourself up._

_What next, was the big question. What was there left?_

_**Merrry Christmas to all. Except an update soon :). Also you can message me here or on Tumblr: nojudgement-justlove**  
_


	16. An Adieu

**An Adieu (Part1)**

_Looking out from underneath_

_Fractured moonlight on the sea_

_Reflections, still look the same to me_

_As before I went under_

- Florence and the Machine (Never Let Me Go)

_**24 **__**hours **__**earlier…**_

Everything was idyllic.

Everything was serene.

The grainy pixels of his mind's eyes were interjected by trajectories vision of light, which when settled unveiled a pristine image before his eyes. His eyes woke to the world of unwakefullness.

Thoughts entered through the preverbal back doors of his mind and materialized. He felt as heavy as she felt light, as separate, as she felt whole.

Everything was excruciatingly contradictory in this continuum of time and space that he never known. Then he was separated from it by a shrill scream.

"Help!"

It came against a backdrop of muffled noise. Every sound seemed cacophonous- his galloping heart, the drip of blood pattering onto the floor… and the pleading cries that were not his own.

Turning his neck, despite the compressed ceiling, Toby tried to locate the source of the noise. His eyes fixed and though his vision was cast sideways, he saw her- shards of glass decorating the face of young woman, blood escaping. Beside her laid a lifeless figure: the driver of the truck. She got a hold of his stare and hers grew frantic in return. She looked no more than fifteen and the desperation in her nonverbal pleading urged Toby to be freed from his restraint, so he could help the frightened girl.

Setting his determination to freeing his foot, regardless of how much pain would ensue, Toby repositioned the injured leg, wiggling it in every direction. His only resolve he soon found, was to just pull it out. Bracing himself, he used his hands to pull, a jarring sensation captured his entire body, it fixated in his brain making him feel both nauseous and startled. He bit his lips, hoping that his tight hold on them would equal out the balance of pain. Panicked tears glazed his eyes, as he fought for breath. His eyes return to the girl, she was now still, her eyes closed, her body limp. Toby fought harder now. He pulled on his leg as hard as he could, ripping flesh and clothes in the process until his leg was free.

Inching his back against the glass ridden asphalt, Toby entire body screamed out in pain as he wiggled free from the wreckage.

The road was dark, save the orange streetlight that only served as their only source of light. Toby crawled on all fours to the totaled car, leaving a trail of blood behind him. When he had finally reached the totaled truck, he had begun to feel the full extent of his injures, but pressed on nevertheless.

He shook the unconscious girl. No response. He shook again putting all the strength he could summon into it. Still no response. If he was going to save her life, his only option was to pull her to safety. Toby looked up at the sky now, looking for strength from some heavenly force. He prayed inwardly, fighting the need to succumb to his injuries.

Sitting flat on his buttocks, his infirmed legs extended in front of him, he leaned forward so that his hands were safely under her arms and attempted to release her from the truck: failing.

A glisten of sweat burned the assortment of cuts and bruises that adorned his body. His muscles were sore from the impact, and his will urged him to give up. But there was something about the barely girl that drove in the other direction. There was no way that he could leave her here. She was someone's daughter as much as he was someone's son. She had a life, and maybe what happened next. What he decided to do determine her fate. It was a very large task at most, one that was thrust upon, the reason only in the mind of God.

He settled therefore on saving her life.

With a renewed will, he positioned himself more amply, and he tugged until her body dragged upward through the window of the overturn truck. He repeated this action until her entire body was out and he could pull her to safety. She stirred beneath him and he sat her upright so she could fully come to awareness.

"Who are you" she mumbled incoherently

"Nevermind" Toby objected " I just need you to stay awake. The longer you stay awake, the better our chances of staying alive."

The girl's head slumped. Toby held her face in his hands and she reached up to a source of pain in her head "What happened?" she questioned

"You were in accident. The truck you were in collided with my car"

"It hurts" she returned

"I know. Just stay awake. We need to get some help. You're bleeding pretty bad" Toby assessed the girl's lower abdomen which had yet to cease its incessant bleeding.

"Everything hurts" she cried

"I know. I know" he spoke more pleadingly than he wished. "What's your name?"

"um—Ashley" she convey weakly

"Okay Ashley" Toby said his breath hastened " You'll be alright..just…

But she was gone again. Toby looked at her oozing stomach once more. Ridding himself of his shirt, the cold wind lashing and causing an instant shiver, his blood stained fingers ripped the material apart and he wound it as mightily as possible around her stomach- careful not to inflict further damage.

There was now the trouble of calling for help.

The dismantled pieces of his cell that lay in his what was left of his car was of no use to him. His only means of his hope were this: that someone soon passed that way or that Ashley or her lifeless companion had a cell phone that would help him to get in contact with the ambulance.

Determining that more of a chance was held on the second option, he laid her head on the ground, before dragging himself (not without great pain) back over to the overturn truck.

His leg writhed with pain, the smell of blood and death dominated the air making him feel nauseous. He asses his wound again- enough damage had been done to it to require serious medical help.

Crying out in agony, he came to a halt at the truck and pushing his hands through the jagged window, he allowed them to be his eyes searching for the desire object.

He had almost given up, when he noticed a green light aglow and his heart immediately wound itself with hope again.

He grasped it between his palms, silently thanking God for his fortune, then turning shakingly back to the phone, he punched in 911.

"911. What's your emergency" was the speedy reply

"There's been an accident" Toby tried "I was driving home and- . His head spun.

"Sir stay with us. Can you tell us your location?"

Toby looked around, his spatial cognition erroneous " I- I'm not sure" he muttered, losing grasp of reality. His body was forceful now, it ached for him to surrender to his ailment. Fighting it was of equivalence of pushing against a tide, and as each moment passed it drained him of his resolve.

"Sir can you please stay with us. Try to describe your surroundings" the woman ordered.

"Trees, trees loads of trees" he coughed, a metallic taste in his mouth "Rosewood"

"Are you in Rosewood?" the voice came again

"No!" he responded, not sure why he had responded with such exclaimations.

"Calm down. This is body's natural response to shock-

"There's a girl" Toby tried " she unconscious, her pulse, their weak-

"Okay sir-

"She's so young… she was so scared" Toby mumbled

Their conversation was becoming much of a short, interrupted exchange

"Sir, I need you to focus. Now you said that you were in Rosewood?"

"That's where I was heading... Spencer…. I'm …"

"Sir, stay with us. We have just dispatch an ambulance into the vicinity just outside of Rosewood."

"…Spencer…."

...

A cold wind surveyed the damage, wounding its way and creating a sound fitting for the scenery. Finding rest against a hard object, Toby allowed his thoughts to be comforted with maybes, with possibilities.

He wrapped his strong muscular arms around the tiny brunette, offering some warmth and ejecting the will of life into her. And he prayed. He prayed until reality and thoughts became indistinguishable. …

And he felt asleep under the streetlight with an unconscious girl in his arms, a faraway sound of a siren ( or was it merely imaginative?) The image of them from afar likened to that of a closing scene of a play. Fin. The end. Adieu

* * *

Spencer felt suddenly nauseous.

The clock said 9:00. Its fervent flashing near sent her insane and she picked up her cell to call him for the fourth time that night.

Her phone rang and as she received it, her fear increased tenfold.

She listened to the frantic voice on the other end of the line. Her head spun in every direction and before she knew it, her body had already exceeded her, frantically processing the new information relayed to her brain, and taking itself out into the cold night to Rosewood hospital.

**Part 2(Corridors and Automatic Doors) will be up soon. Thanks a billion! mwah!**


	17. The Space In Between

**Playlist : Last Time- Labrinth(Piano Edit)**

**The Space In Between- Part 2 An adieu**

_All the world's stage,_

_and all the men and women merely players_

_They have their entrances and their exits_

_-William Shakespeare_

_Present time…_

_If I had known that Toby would have been the love of my life, would I have gone to his house that day?_

_And if I held fate in my hand, would I have allowed myself to fall devastatingly in love with him?_

_If I knew fate, then I'd known the future._

_Then I'd have known the pain I'd cause him, and the web of lies I'd become entangle in. Then, I'd seen the person I would become and avoid it at all cost-avoid him at all cost._

_But after knowing and seeing the magnitude of the love we'd both experience, would I have denied that love, because of the sorrow I saw in the end?_

_Or would I have decided that our love triumphs the sorrow, and pursue it still?_

_Wouldn't that be selfish? But then isn't love by its very definition: selfish? The way we want for it to consume us and overtake us._

_What do you say when your words have been stolen?_

_When words are overtaken by the expression we try to hide. but that one look at him instantly shatters._

_Yesterday I told him to hold on- not to give up hope._

_The day before that I told him to let me go, not to fight for me._

_Inside my head, there's this constant tug of war between these two entities_

_Love or Sorrow?_

_My mind is the instrument of rationale and reality but my heart refuses to give up hope in the notion of miracles…_

_Deep in the threshold of the unconscious, his mind recalled: Her voice as she read- low and raspy, meshing against the backdrop of rainfall outside his tiny loft. Soft notes from the radio emitted, filling the space her voice did not. Her figure silhouetted from the yellow flickering light overhead- casting shadows on the wall. Her hair still damp with rain that she had ran through to get to him. Occasionally overcome by bearing her soul so openly, she would wipe an escaping tear from her face, before continuing._

_She had read to him all night from her journal, her voice rising at intervals, careful not to be snatched away by the wind. She had read all the things that she thought she'd never have the strength to say, especially to him, who was the main character of her writing. He, whose name had filled her every page._

_He sat on the floor with her and watched in amazement, too moved to speak, honored that she would think him so worthy as to share her dearest thoughts with him. He had listened and soothed with an affected tenderness, trying to save the feeling, trying to immortalized every movement in memory until the soft rays had issued the morning and she had fell asleep restfully in his arms._

"Charge!"

His recollection was instantly jarred by his return to consciousness. Life was once again sharp and bright and sudden . Rushed instructions issued from professionally panicked doctors, as they carted him off into the emergency room, fighting for the choice that would ultimately be his to make. He vaguely heard his name called with pressing concern as an oxygen mask snapped around his face, supplying his labored lungs with fuel. The man laid in a shockful wake, certain of the uncertainty of what was happening around him, yet having this vague feel that whatever it was, it wasn't of the pleasant kind. He turned his head to the young girl being pushed in the gurney beside him. She lay unconscious, almost lifeless and though Toby hadn't known her beyond a few hours, he felt as though her need to live was of a vital importance to him.

There was a war between the two sides, both pulling at him as though to tear her down her middle. It was the scramble of the real world versus the serenity of the unknown. That place in between.

A surge of liquid entered through his veins, making his decision to die much easier. As it send him into a metaphorical 'la la' land, his heart, slowed in pace until he no longer heard its rhythm.

In this virtual world of "nothingness", he was transported once more.

* * *

Spencer came running through the automatic doors, her face fresh with tears.

Grasping hold of the first nurse in sight she cried "Where is he?!"

The nurse looked baffled.

"Where is he?" She screamed again, losing no ground on her increasing volume.

"Who?" The nurse said examining the frantic woman before her "Honey, you'll have to be more specific."

Spencer took a sharp breath "My dad!" but then reexamining her answer, started again "Peter Hastings, I just got a call that he was rushed here!"

Her brain was scrambled as the information on her father's location was relayed to her, but as quickly as her feet could take her, she was down the hall, fueled purely by fear for her him.

Packing the hallway outside of her father's room was her mom- whose arms she immediately ran into, her sister and her husband, George. The latter stood, removed, a little ways behind his wife, disconcerted and unsure of what his emotions should be for a father-in- law- who had only taken an obligatory liking to him.

Spencer bellowed her frantic concerns and questions at her mother who appeared too distraught to do anything but whimper half- sentences.

Before she could shake her mother out of her daze, the sound of the machine alerted the four, who all ran anxiously to the door- Wide- eyed, hopeful, racing heartbeat, tear – stained faces, characterized all but one, who had only ran to the door because thinking it would be inappropriate to unattach his hand from his wife's at that moment. Seeing the frantic movements of the doctors and their null attempts to revive her father, Spencer covered her mouth in alarm, her eyes already swimming and overflowing with tears.

She looked to her mother now, who was always an assurance of fortitude and strength, but looking into her eyes, she saw that they mirrored her own. Something was present that she had never seen in her mother before- fear.

* * *

The sound of the doctors became a mere faint whisper until they were once again drowned out. The sound of laughter broke Toby back to his limbo. This time however, the scene before him was not from his collection of memories:

_Soft linen curtains blew from every corner of the large room and deep in one corner, a curtain slowly draped over a black Grande piano, only to be removed just as silkily by the wind. Drawn by the large instrument, he passed his fingers knowingly across the ivory and black colored keys until his will permitted to press gently on them. In doing so, he created a rhythm that he felt he had played a thousand times but that his mind could not recall. He looked around the room again: There was an old fanned out French copy of the 'Catcher in the Rye', worn by the numerous times it had been read, a rocking chair- an older version of the one he had presented to Spencer. Noticing three pairs of initials sketched into it, he examined the piece of furniture further. 'T. C' he knew to be his initials but the other two left him somewhat confused.- ' H. E. C' and S.J. C. he mumbled to himself, feeling their indentations._

_Alerted once more by the sound of laughter resounding through the thick hallways, he followed it through the large oaks entrance where the scene he was met with, was enough to take his breath away._

_There, unmistakably was Spencer. Her hair tossed up in a messy bun, her smile more radiant than he had ever witnessed. He was about to call out her name, when a small child step into the scene running into her arms. _

_His eyes were his. But he was her mother in every other way that matter to him. The same brown hair, now matted to his head, as he twirled under the projecting water into his mother's awaiting arms- the sun projecting rays of sunshine on them._

_His mother held her young child, as the morning breathed freshness in the neighborhood. He watched from afar off, away from eyes that were not privileged to see the warmth that had creep up from his heart onto his face._

_Taking a step from the patio, Toby endeavored to run towards them, where he would stay forever._

_Their laughter increased as he got nearer, Spencer taking what he thought to be their son in her arms, all cares evading them. His joy was on the verge of combustion, when suddenly he was once again taken back. This time however, he wasn't face with bustling doctors but with a pale darkness._

A defilabrator was pressed to his bare chest, attempting to restore his heart to its normal function to no avail.

"Charge!" the command was once again issue from above him, another shock to his heart proving no effect.

"Come on! We're losing him. On three …1…2…3!"

His chest heaved in rupture, yet, the line scurried straight.

_There is this theory, that if anyone ever unlocks the bizarre nature of the universe, to decipher the inexplicableness, that it would shift to create something even more bizarre_.

_They are theories that it has already happened._

_But we all have theories. They give us hope and comforts, if not assurance._

_But don't we always wonder -that elusive question of why. Will we ever get the better of it?_

_Will we ever figure out what system death chooses ? How it chooses?_

_Does it roll a dice? Or is it by chance that it happens on someone?_

_For one man, death was to avoid. He opened his eyes, saved from the unknown._

_For the other, that place in between, became somewhat definite._

**A/N:**

**This chapter coincided with 'The Art of Dying" chapter 15 (I think). The beginning of that chapter happens in this chapter. I didn't deal with Aria and Ezra in this chapter understandably. Also, the beginning of this chapter, Spencer reads to Toby from her journal. I wrote that piece for when she broke up with Toby in 2x 12. ( I know it was kind of out of her character )**

**So this chapter kinda ends in a cliffhanger. Both Peter (plot twist) and Toby are in the hospital, but only one wakes up at the end. Who is it?**

**Will Spencer find out soon that Toby is in the hospital?**

**Please review. It always means the world to me to hear from you :)**


	18. Ressurection

**Shoutout to the fabulous reviewers. You guys are gems!**

**Resurrection**

_For those who believe in resurrection, death is inconsequential. It is not an ending, but rather a new beginning, a second chance, a reunion._

_However, the idea of resurrection is so seductive a concept that we often forget._

_That before you rise from the dead_

_…You have to spend a few days_ _in hell._

-Revenge (S2)

Harper Lee said it best: One does not love breathing.

Breathing and living and all its associations become mundane. We forget their importance. We forget our dependence.

That is, until it is threatened to be taken away.

Spencer was now facing this particular giant. Oxygen seemed to avoid her lungs. Hands clung to her in support, struggling against gravity as her crimson rimmed eyes traveled with the line on the monitor that pronounced her father's death. Everything around her fell away- the bustling nurses came to a standstill, time moved like a gelatinous substance. The only remaining sounds were the cacophonous ticking of the clock and her overworked heart, as it attempted to gather the diminishing amount of oxygen her body allowed. She mentally petitioned God and with her cries now removed, she looked for some sign, anxiously gripping her mother's arm.

Her eyes bounced to the clock above. He was in this state for four minutes and slowly counting; weary eyed doctor looked at each other with nearing resignation but looking at the family by the window, huddled together, they delayed such thoughts.

Spencer tested the theory of faith then. She hoped that if she believed enough, it would rewrite her father's future of rather, permit him one. This time, her not breathing was voluntary; she drew in a long breath and waited.

And waited…. And waited… Time entered into this vacuous void, - it became a separate entity- where it was not governed by rules, nor did it have plans to relieve the distressed. It moved at its own leisure, on its own accord.

With each pump of the chest to resurrect him, Spencer's hope slipped into a deep pit of uncertainty until those nagging, inklings thoughts of death became a realization- a possibility. It slammed into her like a ton of bricks. She felt herself let out a shaky breath; defeated and disheartened. Too broken to even exert tears.

Across the hallway, eight doors away, a different story was unfolding.

Life was once again for Toby. Bright and bold and happening.

His eyes opened to the world, slowly adjusting to the blinding light about him.

There was this feeling of rebirth, as if he had received a second lease on life. By some infinite power, he had been given a fresh chance.

Inquiring immediately after the young lady's well-being, he was politely hushed on account on having just arisen from the dead. This sent his mind into overdrive as doctor poked and prodded at him, mumbling medical jargon and scribbling feverishly away. His mind became a highway of mental recollection, all vying for predominance until everything became a traffic jam of thoughts and he return quietly to thoughts of the one person who could ease the physical pain in his chest: Spencer .

He had a large desire to see her. He had an excitation to tell her everything- to convey to her, that his feelings had not been affected by time or distance, but that these two factors had only served to strengthen his connection to her. He loved her, more than he ever thought it possible to love- way beyond his capacity and capability. He loved her with his everything.

Sinking into his thoughts he relished the very idea. Behind his curtained eyes, taking a deep breath, his consciousness united with his thoughts to create a pristine imaging of the future. He remembered the initial craved into the chair in his dreams 'S.J.C. H and H. E.C'. Hope spurned in his chest. His faith in the omnipotent God, grew and he thank Him for his life.

Happy and contented, he smiled until he caught a familiar fragrance wafting in the air and he opened his eyes just in time to see Emily entering the room in a haste. Her hair once perfectly ringed now laid at the top of her head in tangled layer, kept in position by a protruding 2B pencil. Her face warped in misery, which was only semi- relieved when she saw that he was awake. Her eyes assessed his injuries: the crutches that stood studiously by his side, his bandaged forehead, his bruised and cut skin and the obvious physical pain, he had to be enduring. Other than his cardiac muscle failing him from exhaustion and fatigue, his accident was thought of by those who had encountered him, as a miracle.

Her sudden speech startled him as he was too in a reverie of assessment of her appearance "Oh my God, Toby. I swear when I got that phone call—I swear-" the tears were already shedding - a trait indigenous to Emily.

"I'm fine , Em"

"Fine by whose definition" she started but stopped abruptly, rushing to where he laid and wrapping her arm around him, careful enough not to cause further damage.

He embraced her soothingly, as she released her pent up worry onto his hospital gown. He waited until she was finished before he spoke and when she looked up again, it seemed as though the tears had only served to dress her face with deeper distress as her dark eyes searched his with a wanting honesty and something else he could not define.

"Em" he pressed "really I'm fine"

"How did this happen?" she inquired

" Car came out of nowhere . I really can't remember the details. Is Spencer here?"

Emily took a moment, brushing the escaping hairs from her forehead, the tears on her eyes making them appear transparent "Toby, you know that I love you right?"

He answered with a nod.

She took his hands in hers "You've helped me through some difficult times. You've help me accept myself when all I wanted was to run away from it. I've been through so many different ordeals but one thing remained the same. You were always there. The thought of losing or you not being here-alive is an unbearable one."

Their eyes danced together for a moment. Never had he been as grateful for someone as special and dear to him as Emily.

She brushed a tear away hastily, wiping her eyes to remove any evidence.. She took his hand again, her worry and concern reappearing. Taking a deep breath, she focused her attention momentarily on the shadowed walls before back at him again.

"Em, what is it?"

"It's Spencer"

Toby shot upright, aghast.

"It's actually about her dad." She paused but quickly added. "But you have to promise me you won't get worked up-

"Em, what is it?"

What Emily was relaying to Toby was morphing into a drastic scene, slowly untwisting like a ball of yarn:

Spencer was on the verge of collapsing, staggering in her mother's embrace. Beside her, Melissa let out a cry, the first sound she had allowed herself. Spencer, feeling that the occasion warranted her to comfort her family, enveloped her sister in her arms. There, like a broken dam, she cried until Spencer too, was overcome. She looked at the doctors, still steadily at work.

She saw them eying the clock anxiously.

She watched as their once fervent attempts to revive him became borderline drain of vigor.

She felt her hope vanish as she read on doctor's lip "Should we call it?"

She watched as the elder doctor turn to her, his eyes bleak and grey as though caused by over exposure to artificial light.

She watched as he watched her- her begging, pleading disposition.

And as though he had done it a thousand times- his actions suddenly devoid of all emotion, she watched as he turned back to his underling and gave an approving nod.

She felt her world spin on its axis. She felt the ground beneath her quake.

She wasn't sure at what point Aria or Jason had entered the scene, but she heard their voices above her- quicken and hasty and muddled- incoherent to her occupied mind.

She was immediately caged in her brother's arms, his heart beat thunderously behind his chest. She looked up to see his face "Is he dead? Just tell me! Is he dead?"

"No, Spence." A voice behind her, presumably Aria's finished for him "It doesn't look good Spence."

A fresh burst of tears poured out from her. She often heard the phrase 'my heart was broken', but considered it a watered down jargon of emotion- a phrase that had lost meaning, characterized as a cliché. But here she was, feeling the pain of a literal broken heart, when her mother rubbed her back soothingly and said with a voice that crushed the already broken pieces of her heart "They want us to say goodbye to him. He's in a coma"

She was both breathless and hoarse "I can't say goodbye to him, Mom! I can't …. I can't

Melissa returned the favor, catching her sister in her arms. Spencer, however was inconsolable. " I can't ..." she mumbled repeatedly.

"Spence? Spencer?" voice failed to break her from her disastrous reverie.

She was being transferred into another pair of arms. She looked up, behind her water filled eyes; she could hardly distinguish the face. Blinking away the tears, she saw his eyes and all her heart resounded with a pang.

His blue eyes mirrored her. His pain mirrored her; he seemed to feel everything she was feeling. He wanted more than ever to take her pain away. She leaned into him some more, and his stance became slightly off balanced.

"Toby?" Toby?" she called into him almost incoherently.

He placed a kiss on her forehead as she buried her head in his arms, crying until fatigue close the scene.

* * *

Veronica, Emily and Hanna (who had previously rushed from the airport with Caleb), stood at the glass window, watching as Toby spoke to Spencer within a small waiting room.

Hanna turned from the glass pane window, to the two women "Is Jason and Aria in there now. I mean saying goodbye?"

Veronica nodded despairingly, turning to the dark haired girl, whose eye were plastered to the two in the room "Emily is Toby going to be alright. Is he okay?"

" He'll be alright" she assured her "When I told him that Spencer was here, there was nothing I could do to keep him in his bed." She smiled " He needed to be here for her."

Veronica sighed looking back at her daughter " I don't know what would become of her if she lost both of them tonight"

* * *

"You shouldn't be here. What if you –

"There's no other place I should be Spence"

She bit her nail, her iris dark and vague "what if you had died-

"I'm alive. I'm here" He placed her unoccupied hand on his chest "I'm not going anywhere"

She closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the cadence of his heart- its sturdy rhythm. Her eyes opened, fresh layers of tears applied. Her hand slipped into his "I have to say goodbye to my dad."

"I can go with you if you like"

"You need to rest"

"I'll rest when I know you're okay"

"Toby, please" she urged

"Spence. I can't lie down in a bed when your world is being turned upside down. Please let me go with you."

Spencer made one last attempt "The nurse will come for you. There's a certain protocol here"

"Forget protocol."

* * *

The night was antithesis to the occasion. Instead of dry and dead as it ought to be, it was light. The wind that entered the four walls where his death bed laid was warm and soothing and lively. It ushered in the freshness of spring- an ironic declaration of the beginning of life. Through an aperture in the blind, glimpses of the sky shout forth its beauty, fashioned in haunting array.

Toby held onto her mildly warm hands- his large fingers intertwined with her petite ones, crutch guiding him. Each step deeper into the eerily lit room, seemed a step to one owns hanging.

She looked up at him now, her face evidently worn by fatigue. She was about to speak but seem unable to articulate the words. Her eyes conveyed it all. Her brown eyes swam with fresh tears and everything she wanted to say was understood by him. Turning her face toward her father, she kissed him softly on his forehead.

She released Toby's hand and grasped her father's instead ( *reverse of a bride being given away)

She took a seat beside him, and buried her face in the bed.

What do you say? she thought. How do you choose what your last words to someone would be? It was impossible.

She kept trying to think of instances where he excelled but her mind seemed clogged. Not from lack of those moments but lack of a want to remember those feelings. She didn't want to be sentimental. She didn't want to speak to him as a man about to leave this world. She didn't want to speak to him as 'past'- of times where a father teaches his daughter to tie her laces, or ride a bike. She wanted to be what she was just then- broken.

She didn't feel the need to speak. Her tears were words enough.

They told him how much she loved him.

They told him how irreplaceable, he is.

They told him that her life would never be the same without him.

The door opened behind – Jason, Melissa and Veronica entering finding their way around his bed.

The atmosphere was sombre and insipid. A soft arms around her shoulder caused her sobs to transform to wails.

There, they stood- children and wife wishing time away.

Sobbing her feelings, Spencer's heart came to a standstill when she felt a hand rest softly on her head.

Some fleeting thought caused her to raise her head

Slowly it crept up, her sight restored and adjusting from fogginess to clarity.

There was not an emotion present, when finally she was face to face with her father, his eyes fluttering open.

**Okay, I'll be the first to admit that this chapter wasn't as good. Can't win all right?**

**Thanks for reading. :) Tell me your thoughts.  
**


	19. Poetic Fantasies

**Poetic Fantasies**

_Aren't miracles but poetic fantasies?_

_1 week later…._

_She's drowning in the ocean._

_The bellows are sweeping over her. She's finding it harder to breathe- to stay awake. She want so badly to let it all slip away, so she can finally be at peace._

_Before she could submit though, above the swelling waves, she sees land. It's far off, but that sight quickens her will to live. For a moment, she's alive again, both in heart and spirit. Her eyes won't stray from the scenery, for fear of losing it. She can feel assurance in the palm of my hand, as sure as the skin lay on her flesh._

_Time is transient and haphazard. Time is heavy and fleeting._

_Then she's sinking. There is nothing to unite her transition from living to dying. No build up, no warning. The inky vast ocean is taking her into its possession. In its infinite palms it drags the life from her. It is fighting her for something she had always deemed her own…. And she finds that she has no say in the matter. Without a shred of uncertainty she certain of death…_

Spencer's eyes shot opened, and as though still caught in her visionary tale, she found herself gasping for air. In the dimly lit hospital room, she sat her legs under her chin, a large blanket draped over her. A small hand slowly arrested her shoulder and she looked up, startled to see Aria, decked in Jason's over-sized dress shirt, a tie around her waist acting as her belt, her chestnut tresses surrounded her face in stylish exactness.

She regained her composure. "Are you honestly wearing all of your boyfriend's clothes?"

"Not the jeans" she pointed at her dark pants "We've been kind of spending every waking moment here. He doesn't want to leave his dad like this"

Spencer turned her eyes to where her father laid attached to a machine, his breathing heavy and laborious.

It had been a week since her father's return to the living, and in that span of time he had only spent a few hours awake, incoherent and woozy. Honestly, Spencer was dampened with frustration. Test after test had been ran in an attempt to find the cause of his ailment but none had been found. Spencer was wearied by anxiety, for after all, as she had heard her mother whispered to Melissa this morning, "The fear of something was worse that it's actual arrival" She had rather that he not suffer. As much as it pained her, she knew it would be what he would want.

Wiping her weary eyes in an attempt to clear her vision, she sighed. "Where's Jason now?" Spencer inquired of her best friend.

"He's with Toby- the physical therapy ward." She said before sitting next to her friend. After a short pause, she continued "Are you okay Spence? I mean, I know you're not okay… but is there anything I can do?"

The taller brunette looked up at her clasping her hands on Aria's "You being here is all I can ask for"

"You can talk to me. I'll listen" she offered sympathetically.

"You can talk to me too" Spencer replied her eyes fixed on Aria's.

Aria fidgeted, silenced.

Spencer waited. It had not gone unnoticed, her recent behavior. She had witness her distance from Jason and herself and wonder at it being coinciding with Ezra's return. True, she had a lot on her plate at the moment yet this did not diminish the concern she had for her closest friend.

Spencer swiveled in her chair,"How are things with you and Jason?"

Aria redirected her eyes to the floor "Great"

"You sure?"

She looked at Spencer questioningly "Why?

Spencer opened her mouth to speak, but then paused momentarily "Is just that…"

"Did Jason say something to you?"

"Is there something _to_ tell" Spencer pressed.

It was Aria's time to pause.

"Aria…"

"Can we talk hypothetical?"

"Friends don't talk hypothetical, Aria"

" I mean if..." The pixie raven haired girl took a shaky breath.

"I can see there's something you want to tell me, Aria"

She began haltingly "I've never told anyone. I've wanted so many times to tell Jason but I've never had the courage to"

Spencer concerned deepened "Is it that bad that you can't look me in the face right now?"

"Worse" Aria confirmed.

Spencer waited patiently although her anxiety was verging on the explosive. Aria finally looked at her, pain apparent in her eyes "I was- I was pregnant"

The shock caused Spencer to automatically stand upright. "What? Did you tell Jason you were pregnant, Aria?"

"I- I - Spence, please listen to me" Aria quietly pleaded. Spencer sat back down as mechanically as she had got up, embarrassed by her reaction. She was about to speak when a intrusion stopped her.

"Aria, you were pregnant? A voice came behind them.

Spencer's body automatically stood upright again. She and Aria,did a 180, their eyes fastened to the two figures standing in the doorway: Toby, slightly bend over on his crutches and Jason, the owner of the voice, donning a worried face. He repeated the question almost mechanically. "Aria you were pregnant?"

Aria wiped her away non- existent tears, her eyes wide as saucer. She look at Spencer, her lips trembling.

"No" Spencer quickly answered reading her best friend's expression "Well, she thought she was. False alarm. I was just being an over enthusiastic aunty"

Her brother looked unconvinced, he turned still somewhat dumbfounded to his girlfriend "Aria?"

"False alarm" Aria said weakly. She looked up at Toby, still stuck in the doorway. He looked at her with concern. Presently he was the only one who knew about her pregnancy and until she found a better way to tell someone, it would remain that way some time longer.

As Jason scooped Aria, deep into his arms, Toby watched the two, the ever present feeling of guilt gutting him. He didn't want to live with it anymore. He eyed Spencer, as she resumed her position at her father side her eyes fastened him.

"You should go home and get some rest Spence, you've been here all week" Jason advised

She stretched unconsciously "No, I want to be here. For when he wakes again"

"I'm here, Spence" he assured "Melissa and your Mom are here. We'll call you if there's a change"

Spencer resisted, casting her eyes on her father's altered state.

"Please," he urged "plus someone has to take Toby home" he added

Spencer head snapped in the direction of the door. She sighed in defeat. "For Toby" she resigned. Placing a kiss on her father's forehead, Spencer shot Aria an apologetic glance. Conveyed within that glance also was a private message to her friend 'We'll talk when we're alone'

Aria nodded in compliance and understanding. She caught a glance at Toby, a private message of their own relayed.

* * *

The stem of the coffee dance in the opaque light as Toby handed the hot cup to Spencer " Toby, you should rest" she said stifling a yawn

"I broke my leg, Spence…" Toby informed, watching the brunette on the carpeted floor, her back against the sofa, inhaling the aroma of the liquid.

"You don't mind, right? Me bringing you here? I didn't think you should be at home, alone"

He eyes drifted to the fire, set before them, then back to hers "Neither should you"

Spencer smiled slightly, taking his mug from his grasp, so he could plop down safely beside her.

" I'm fine" she assured, when he had sat " Just tired"

His eyes turned back to the fire. He made no response.

Spencer looked over at him- his face shadowy, his eyes, blue, shining against his marble feature, his mouth set in a straight line. He seemed to watch the flames, steady and strong. Internally, it appeared he struggled with something of grave importance. She thought of his mother and how she always longed to meet her. Maybe his thoughts were of the same train.

She waited for him to speak. He sank into solitary reflection, the story of his mind unfolding in his steady eyes. He listened to the sound of nothingness that capture the room, he listened as the night chased the day to morning, and then reawaken, as though at once, with swishing grass and invisibly colored wind, and happy creatures.

He pointed at the fanned out book, planted beside her "Even death has a heart" he said his voice, whispering.

She looked to where his finger pointed and smiled, before rasping her favorite quote "One was a book thief. The other stole the sky." She held it in her hands, turning to the inside of the hard cover. The roving flamed drown her voice. "It's actually your copy. I stole it from you while we were -" she paused, then added quickly "dating"

Written across the page in perfect calligraphy was one of Toby's fondest memories:

_Your secret passage way…_

_Love Mom._

He took it, tracing the writing with his fingers, wishing to revive some past moment.

Spencer felt suddenly careless "I'm sorry I took it." She rambled "I know how much this means to you and the fact that your mom gave it to you makes it all the more special"

"It think you having it, is the best thing to happen to that book." He paused, his gaze remained fastened in front of it " And I know you would treasure it as much as I would" Another pause ensued, the night regain its stillness. He said "Read me something"

She turned to the dented, yellowing page and with a voice to match his, she read :

"She leaned down at his lifeless face and Leisel kissed her best friend, Rudy Steiner, soft and true on his lips. He tasted dusty and sweet. He tasted like regret in the shadows of trees and in the glow of the anarchist's suit collection. She kissed him long and soft, and when she pulled herself away, she touched his mouth… She did not say goodbye. She was incapable, and after a few minutes at his side, she was able to tear herself from the ground. It amazes me what humans can do, even when streams are flowing down their faces and they stagger on….

A brief hiatus caused Toby to face her. He assessed her face- the long continuous streaks of tears adorned it. "Spence, why are you crying?"

She laughed giddily, amidst her tears, before her abrupt joy metamorphosed again "I don't know. Rudy dies and I know he dies cause I have read this book nearly fourteen times but every time I begin reading it again I keep thinking he's not going to die but he dies anyway. But people die and they leave and you're broken and rambling and crying over fictional characters."

She wiped her face at this time and new tears replaced the old ones. This brief silence allowed him to hold her face, lifting it to his. She averted her eyes downward, afraid of the power and conviction that his will conveyed. She continued, raspy and whispering- the crackling of the fire the main noise in the room- yet her words were hasty and joint " My dad is in a hospital bed, fighting for his life... and you're here, after nearly dying and after having your mother die. And I want so badly that death exist. I know she has a heart, but I wished she had a heart for me. I wish she wouldn't take Dad, and I wish she wouldn't play with your life, like its some sick game. I wish that if she had the heart to take anyone I loved, she would have the heart to take me too..."

Her soliloquy ending, due to her need for air, and Toby used this time to grasp her attention

His eyes were tracing hers with an intensity that caused an eruption in the depths of her soul. She experienced that throbbing pain in her chest, the quickening of breath, the loss of cognition. She became suddenly aware of the close proximity of their bodies. His eyes remained unmoved.

There was that honesty and purity at home in him.

There was the world, falling away- a crumbling vestibule.

There was her breath- gone

He kissed her cheek hastily

He kissed her forehead, her face still tight within her grasp

He kissed her cheek again, slowly this time. He heard her exhale.

He kissed her mouth, soft at first, as though asking permission. She granted and he kissed her with more intensity, comforting where words could not.

The world spun on its axis and she submitted, letting his lips sweep over hers. Letting her walls shattered. Letting her heart thrive.

She pulled on the collar of his shirt, denying unoccupied space. To experience it was to drown in it. To live, if only in these moments were still to live. She felt the door opened, the dam breaking dam, she heard the gush of the swelling water.

All of these feelings overtook her in this brief time. He was pulling away. His finger brushed across her lips. She was in a trance. She felt her heart galloped behind her chest, she felt her palms vibrate. A reflex caused her to look down. The source of the vibration was her cell; Jason's number flashed across the screen

"What is it? He said when he noticed the change in expression.

She looked up worryingly.

* * *

A variation of thoughts tunneled through Spencer's mind as she found herself running down the same corridor she had found herself, but a few days running down. _He's dead! He died when I went home to rest. I should have never left!_ She chastised herself inwardly.

Her hands grabbed the door post of his room and she came to a complete stand still at the entrance.

Moments passed that her mind refuse to translated. Her first response was to cry, but she covered her mouth to muffle the sound. It wasn't a cry of pain

Her father smile, a parenthesis around his mouth "Spence" he croaked.

"Dad" Spencer mouthed, enable to emit any sound. She slowly walked to where he laid, his eyes trained on hers, and she wrapped her arms around him,crying until his gown was sodden with tears. He placed his hand softly on her hand, bringing her closer to him. She could hear the smile in his voice " I missed you"

* * *

Toby had opted to look for Mrs. Hasting instead of going with Spencer to her father's room when Jason had texted her to come immediately to the hospital. He knew that Spencer would need her mother whatever the present situation was, plus he didn't want to delay Spencer with his impaired walk. After much persuasion, they both headed off in different directions.

His crutches echoing against the tiled floor, Toby adjusted his gait as he walked onto the elevator and then out into the artificially lit hallway on the third floor of the hospital. He looked around before resuming his walk.

He was on his way when a familiar voice caught his attention and he stopped in his tracks.

"Mrs. Hastings, how do you wish to proceed with the treatment?"

He grew peculiar. Something about the speaker's tone of voice cued him as to the nature of the conversation. Through an aperture in the door, he watched as two shadowy figure talked hushingly: one, by the shape of her body, Mrs. Hastings, the other unknown.

Veronica exhaled, then attaining her usual stance of authority; she replied "We'll proceed as he wishes"

"With all due respect" the second figure paused trying to frame his reply delicately "Your husband is not in the position to make a decision of this magnitude. As his partner, it then befalls you to take on the responsibility"

"I believe it is medical protocol, that the patient has the first call in what become of him-"

"I'm sure Veronica of your husband's capabilities as a decision maker, having known him these many years, but" The man stepped from the shadows.

"But what?" she demanded

He was unmoved by her sudden tone "As a man dying of cancer. I highly doubt it"

She made a move to speak but he silenced her with his hands "You're husband has a slim chance of surviving. The cancer is way advanced. We need, Mrs. Hastings, a steady hand, to make do what needs to be done, an unaffected mind." He paused "… or if you would rather one of your children-

"No" she protested "They can't know"

"Mrs. Hastings!"

Veronica placed her hands on her forehead "It's what he wants" she sounded desperate. "He doesn't want them to watch him die." She looked up and regained her stance "No one but me knows and this is how it is to stay."

Toby turned, his body rocked with shock. he leaned against the wall to steady himself, breathing heartedly, his mind swimming with what he had just overheard. _Cancer. Dying?!_

Questions erupted in his mind. Unplastering himself, he trotted down the hallway back to the hospital room. A dim light emitted from the room, and he watched as Peter, surrounded by his three children smiled. His heart ached as he watched Spencer smiled genuinely for the first time in a week, he watched as her hands enclosed on his sister's and they exchange a rare genuine affection. He watched as Jason, accepted in a family he could finally call his own. His heart broke inside of him when he thought that this was only the beginning of their pain...

_If in the end, we are to lose, to gain nothing, do we consider our small victories, miracles?_

_Or are miracles an illusion of the mind, of our own making. Our way to soothe our convictions that we have somehow already lost- the time to lose just extended. Is the land we see afar off to be drowned and washed away with the waves? Or are we to make it safely ashore?_

_If in the end we are to win, to overcome, to be victorious, then how we do we win?_

_Do we take everything as a miracle? No, for miracle are unique in their uncommonness. A miracle is when the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. A miracle is when one plus one equals a thousand._

* * *

**_So guys, I can't become a better writer, if you don't tell me where I'm going wrong or going right. I have a good deal of followers but the feedback is dwindling. :(. I like to talk to people (not really, I'm rather introverted, but I'll like to talk to you.) So tell me your thoughts, suggestions, criticisms. Even if it is to tell me you want ice cream right now as much as I do. _**

**_Also sorry for the gaps between updates. One word: school. You all know that place that sucks your soul dry. Yep, the same one. _**

**_So au revoir for now and i'll try to update by Wednesday. Ta-ta_**


	20. Memories, They Call

**Memories, They Call**

_Nothing is really lost to us as long as we remember it_

_L.M Montgomery, The Story Girl_

_Stars. Their inextinguishable light reaches us even though the star itself has long been gone._

_Memories_ . They live on within our minds_. A fire that cannot be dowsed. It remains. It reminds._

Spencer stood at the full length mirror, appraising herself. Her porcelain skin, glowing in perfection - a constant state that she had managed to achieve. Her long brown hair cascaded like a waterfall down her slender, angular shoulders, a little beyond her collar bones. Staring back at her were brown eyes, decorated by her mascaraed, delicate eyelashes.

Her dress gathered at the waist, showcasing its petiteness, flowing past her hips in a straight flare and coming to a sudden end shy of her knees. Spencer ran her hand, absently up and down the material, her head cocked to the side.

Overhead the thunder clapped in awakening fury, the rain lashed against the clouded window in torrents, the earth was overfed, drowning in water. The grey sky hung in front of its blue curtain, permitting not a sight of it and deep within its chamber, the sun hid its glory for the day. The trees in harmonic cadence dance as the wind commanded and the streets lay lifeless and bare- the grey asphalt coloring the day gloomy.

Warm and safe inside, Spencer smiled as she recalled wearing a similar dress to Jenna and Toby's parent's marriage renewal ceremony. Before it had begun, he had snuck up to her room, unnoticed, as she stood by the mirror.

The loud rumble of his voice in her ear electrically charged her body…..

Before she knew it her reverie took over her reality and she was back in her room, four years prior_._

_Slowly, his thick, muscular arms found her tiny waist pulling her into his solid chest. His hands came to a stop on her flat stomach, his fingers laced together with her slender ones. She smelled his cologne and his aftershave; she had committed it to memory. She had always associated this smell with happiness, when happiness and Toby meant the same thing for her. She sent her hands over his, feeling the roughness of them, then her eyes, slowly, carefully, came back to the reflection the mirror, where his oceanic blue eyes met hers. His appraisal of her was different from hers. While she had looked at herself set against her high standards and her flaws, he looked at her as though she was the most perfect thing his eyes had ever captured. For a moment their eyes danced in unison until the smile on his face slowly faded and became earnest. She grew concerned over the sudden change in pace of his heart rate and turned in his arms, their faces inches away._

"_What is it?" she murmured, softly _

_His eyes took her in as though committing every feature of her face to memory; his blue eyes turned a darker shade- revealing his desire and his love for the women who stood before him._

"_I love you" he said, softly as though the world was listening. His arms tightened around her, he leaned his head closer "I'll love you forever" he breathed_

_Spencer's slender lips turned up in a smile. She lifted his strong, wide hand to her chest, resting it, where her heart was beating violently._

"_You feel that?" she asked_

_He nodded slightly _

"_It's yours"_

_She tiptoed, leaning to touch his lips with hers, only parting slightly to murmur "…forever"_

Spencer exhaled as her mind severed the cords of her recollection. Finding her way through the room, she came to the foggy window to assess the damage done. Instead she found her mind once again drawn to thoughts of Toby. Her fingers absently brushed against her lips remembering the intoxicating smell of his cologne and the way his lips swept softly over hers. The way he had held her face in his hands and the way he made her feel utterly safe in that moment.

Her eyes averted back to the mirror, from the distance she stood, her focus on her neck, once home to one of her most precious possessions. Her hand went reflexively there, rubbing the area where not too long ago was possessor of it. She remembered distinctively the day it was given her.

Spencer turned back to her viewing again, a small, subtle smile appearing across her face, her mind returning to its previous captivation with past memories.

"_Toby, it's pouring outside!" Spencer yelled through her bedroom window._

_She saw him grinning from the distance "I know, that's the point!" he yelled back _

_She sighed taking in his appearance. He was drenched in rain, his sodden dark blue t-shirt clung to his chest, revealing the out print of his sculpted body beneath._

"_Come down!" he pleaded "Don't leave me in the rain to catch a cold alone" he finished with a smirk._

_Spencer huffed. That smile was convincing enough. She sprinted down the stairs out through the door and into his waiting arms, crashing her body against his. He received her now soaked body, brushing the hair that stuck to her face and wrapping her trembling self into his fortress._

_Miles out, parked in a secluded area, she placed her feet on the dashboard of his truck listening to the woeful tune of a somber heart, as he watched the profile of her face against the backdrop of the clouded evening. The light sound of the rain on the roof of his truck hushed their surroundings into silence. She smiled, aware of the set of eyes assessing her. _

"_Tell me something you've never told anyone before" he whispered_

_She considered his words thoughtfully, her focus remaining on the outside "I've told you everything already" she replied._

"_Come on, that can't be true" he insisted, a smile breaking out on his face._

_She took a moment, her face growing unreadable, only showing hints of a smirk "I've never loved anyone the way I loved you" she offered._

"_I said something I don't know" he responded trying to suppress the smile erupting on her face._

"_Okay," she surrendered "You go. Tell me something you've never told anyone before" _

_She looked at him, her dark eyes expectant._

"_Okay" he began, moving his face away from hers. "I was scared"_

"_Of what?"_

"_Of never having it"_

"_What?"_

"_You know" he tried, not sure how to frame his words. Taking a deep breath, he began again "You know that thing that makes us complete. That thing that makes us find ourselves. I think that we all have this hollow inside of us and it cries to be filled. This hole in us wants and yearns for something that would satisfy. The saddest thing is that sometimes it doesn't get filled. People go through their entire lives searching and never finding- this thing that would make them completely whole. People die in its pursuit. So I was scared. I don't really know if there's a special name for this thing- happiness, joy, peace, love" he paused momentarily, returning his eyes to hers " but I can say I know what it feels like to find her.__I don't want to lose that. Now that I know what she is, I promised myself I'm never letting her go" he continued brushing hair away from her face._

_Spencer smiled, watching the expression of his face as he poured his heart to her._

"_I have something to show you" he said before she had a chance to speak. Fishing in the pocket of his still damp jean, he retrieved a long silver chain from it, holding it tightly in his palm before lifting up offering it to her._

"_This" he pointed out, his eyes avoiding hers again "Was my mother's engagement ring .Before her, it was my grandmother's," Spencer's eyes travelled to the end of the chain, where decked was an a ring- perfectly sculpted in diamond array, its band slender and silver, encrypted with 'Forever' on the inside. Her body became under oxygenated as her head twirl in shock. She lifted her eyes to his face, where his anxiously met hers, his blue eyes beaming with unrequited hope._

"_I'm not asking you to marry me or anything" he clarified smiling "not right now anyway, but someday…I can't imagine anyone else having this. I can't imagine anyone else having this but you." Opening her palm, he let in slip from his hand into hers, there eyes remaining glued together. The layer of tears in her eyes made them appear transparent. A bolt of lightning interrupted the darkness that had reside within, revealing her face clearly in the night._

_Frozen in position, Spencer remained silent. He watched her, as her eyes fell to the gift and fill up with tears before they captured his face again. If there was ever a moment where words were not enough, this was it. He took her face in his palm, she leaning into the touch, closing her orbs as she felt the hand that she hoped would someday be hers forever._

_Encasing her into his arms, he was contented with her response. He took the chain from her hands and placed it around her neck and there she remained until the rain became a lullaby._

Spencer was transported back into her room, still the memory felt ever present, near to her ears whispering for her to return to it. At the window, she watched the outcome of one raindrop - it rolled with scurrying passion down the surface, free and unaware until it reached its demise at the window sill,- soaked and disappearing into oblivion. Spencer too had ran with vigor. She wanted and excelled, she thought and realized. But there were time when she felt her end like a shadowed image, its face only to be revealed on arrival. She was uncertain and though the majority of the day had been spent reminiscing about the day where love grew wild, like a sneer in wait, she found herself pulled to the door where behind unrestfully laid the remnants of her broken heart.

Turning her head away, to the radio that previously been emitting a soft static noise, she listened now. The words came suddenly like a deep revelation, a piano in soft crescendo accompanying them. The voice came:

_Love is Natural and Real_

_But not for you, my love_

_Not tonight, my love_

_Love is Natural and Real_

_But not for such as you and I my love_

These words were the channeled by which she was once again taken back.

_It had been a week since he had been gone and her heart still bled the same. It all hurt the same, it all felt the same as the day he had left. Unanswered questions flooded her mind as she laid in bed despondent, unaware that the world had moved on without her. Stack pictures of their life together strewn on the floor, remainder of what she had lost. Everything ached and the memories she had once cherished became a venomous snake to her. His touch ever present on her skin, sweeping across the length of her body with thoughtful gentleness, his blue eyes forever burned into the storage of her mind, the taste of his lips –sweet and soft all felt realer to her as the day counted and passed. Morning and night blurred into one, the crescent moon was of no difference than the gleaming sun. _

_She was lost. _

With an aching and heavy heart, she brushed away the tears now on her face.

The thing about what she was facing was the more she pushed it in a corner, the more she locked it up and pretended that it didn't exist the stronger it became, feeding from her weakness.

She was certain of little. She was certain however that she loved Toby, and that she had always loved him, from that moment he stole her heart.

But was love enough?

Could she trust, was her ultimate question.

Her thoughts this time was interjected by a loud knocking at the door. Rubbing her hands in attempt to keep them warm, she made her way to door, upon opening to be met face to face with him.

His body soaked to the core, his physiognomy wretched and somber. He looked up at her, the pale light suddenly softening his features and his eyes appearing a lighter blue. There Toby stood in the doorway.

"I had to see you" he finally uttered.

* * *

**Frist of all let me apologize for not updating on Wednesday. My laptop was giving me trouble that needed immediate attention. Los sientos! **

**So this is chapter 20, its high time that the unraveling begins and the explosions explode so that where I'm heading. Starting with Aria…. Muhahahaa. **

**As always I'm intrigued to find out what you think so go on. Thank you beautiful people.**


	21. Turn to Stone

**Turn to Stone**

_My brother how we must atone_

_Before we turn to stone_

_Her back collided against the hard wall_

_His hands enveloped hers, pinning them above her head._

_Their lips roamed for each other in the darkness._

_Unlatching his hands from hers, she pushed him some inches away, allowing enough space that she could hinge her legs around his torso. He obeyed, lifting her, using the walls as support._

_Moving his hands from her exposed legs up towards her petite waist , up the length of her body and finally settling near her neck, he gathered her hair in his fist, his fingers dragging through her mahogany tresses pleasingly. As a response she bit down on his shoulder, folding agonizingly the material of his shirt in her shaky palms. The restriction of access irked her and she tugged at the buttons of his shirt, demanding them to lose. The pitter patter of his small hinges falling to the floor as she ripped his shirt from its joining quickened her senses to his now bare chest. Her claws bared, dragged themselves up his well taunt stomach, into the fleshy depths and then down them with the same effectual pressure. He pushed her further into the wall, eager and wanting, his lips dove into the crevices of her neck, then agonizingly slowly to the intersection, down her jawline and then to her lips once more. His hands meanwhile, searching for the end of her dress, lifted it, cast it somewhere in the void and found itself around her tiny waist. She mimicked his actions, removing the remnants of his now tattered shirt. She was once more on her feet, their bare skin igniting a fire on contact, quickly reaching an altitude of explosive pressure. For a moment, in a heartbeat, their eyes shining, danced in the darkness._

"Toby" her voice came in a hoarse whisper.

"Toby" her small voice came again

"Toby…Toby…Toby?"

Toby shot awake, the suddenness of his transition causing him to feel woozy. His clearing vision revealed a fan above spinning in blurred action and his antiquated spotty ceiling.

"Seems like you had quite the dream" a voice caused him to start.

Following the direction of the voice, he came face to face with the owner of it. Dark straight tresses curtaining her shoulders, framing her face, Emily sat in a small wooden chair, her face in the direction of the fogged window. The ill- lit room sent off a deceptive image of the room about them. "It's going to rain" she informed, her voice meshed with the wind outside.

Washing his hand over his face, as though to sweep away any remnants of sleepiness, Toby sat up in a sitting position. He then turned his attention to the greying sky, looking through the small window of his small room, where only small apertures of blue were apparent now. A rumble overhead verified her statement if any doubt remained and suddenly as though her words had allowed their permission; the soft pitter patter of rain against the clouded windows was felt and heard. His focus shifted from the rapidly darkening sky to the flicking light bulb that hung above their heads. Silhouetted against the backdrop of the washed out sky, the girl bowed her head, lost in her thoughts.

"Em"

She sent him a halfhearted smile, her face partially hidden under the shadows of her dark locks. "It's 7 o' clock." She informed him. "I'll get your medication." And she was off, leaving the chair which she had occupied, rocking from her sudden departure from it.

His medicated brain attempted to discern her actions. He knew his best friend. She seemed sad. There were the obvious reasons for her state. She had been through quite the ordeal. Life had not been particularly kind to her tender hearted soul. It was astonishing that she was still standing. But he often wondered if there would be a point where they were bound to fall. All of them, who were hinged to these weighted lies. He often thought about the point where his soul would no longer be able to support such a burden, where the cracks that had formed in his barrier would extend their arms and take with them all to damnation, and all that he ever loved. Maybe their sins had finally begun to take its toll.

He didn't have much time more for reflection, for a small shuffle of feet notified him of Emily return. Her movements sluggish and thoughtless, she placed the two pills in his hands and watch him swallow before offering him the glass of water.

"Em" he attempted once again. "You don't have to keep doing this- I mean you, taking care of me. I can take care of myself" he urged gently.

She smiled genuinely for the first since she was there "I need you as much as you need me"

"A sleeping man is not much company" Toby replied

Emily paused before saying as though to herself "It's company enough for me" Looking up from behind her dark lashes she redirected her words to him. "The medication going to make you especially drowsy" she smiled limply "You better lay back down."

Determined to stay awake despite the distorted, blurriness that was now becoming his peripheral vision Toby sat, his back against the pillow of his bed.

"It's okay" Emily reassured him. Covering him with a blanket and making sure he was comfortably placed on the bed, Emily placed a light kiss on his forehead, once more urging him to succumb to his sleep.

"Em" he tried when she was once again in her position in the chair by the window.

She made a slight noise.

"You can talk to me about anything" he proposed, half way between sleep and wakefulness. He saw her smile before he was then off to sleep, under the control of the mind altering pills.

It was then that he found himself, returned to the dream. Locked in his unconscious, unfolded a dream of prior acquaintance, one that he had pondered much at its meaning, one that he had endeavored to meet again. Here he was.

_His finger edged its way across the engraving with the same newness that it had done the first time, he saw it. "H.E.C, S.J.C', the initials read, jagged and deep._

_The room was still the same. The old French version of the Catcher in the Rye remained untouched from his previous visit. The large piano still took center stage to the beautifully antiquated room. The white linen curtain draped ever so softly over the profound instrument and like before he found himself drawn to it .Reaching it, he raised the lid. His fingers knowing what his mind could not fathom at the moment went over the black and ivory key with the same familiarity, and once more the sound echoed through the sturdy, resounding and returning to his ears in a way that made his heart start. _

_He let the feeling of warmth creep into his soul. He let the moment wash him away. This place felt like home. _

_Yet again, he was drawn by the laughter. His head turned to the small jabbing rays of sunshine, splashing dim rainbow colors through the window. His heart ignited with the same expectancy, as he followed the jovial outcries._

_Out, he saw her again, the little boy he saw again. He saw his own eyes reflected in his. He saw his own soul and spirit meshed with hers beyond those orbs. He found himself running. He felt the elusiveness He felt the material of his dream, reaching its inevitable end._

_Ever running, never reaching._

_He watched her hair fall under the sprinkling water as she took her son enveloping him._

_He watched with contagious glee as they laughed._

_He wanted nothing more but to be there. Right there with them._

_But like before, he was snatched away from the dream._

Toby's return to consciousness was heralded by the sight of Emily, a large sweater surrounding her frame, her head propped against the window. Still in a haze of reality and fantasy, he directed his eyes to the clock: 8:00. The darkness outside was full blown, the only light being the moon which hid behind its chamber of dark clouds and only peeked its head to offer enough light to support the night's theme of gloominess. Sudden illuminations from the flashing lights outside highlighted the internal struggle washed over the face of the ebony haired girl.

A heavy silence befell them.

Moments passed before Emily finally said, her words quiet: "Do you blame me?

A brief pause separated an answer in which she seemed drowned in her thoughts.

As a reflex, he stood and gathering his crutches, he walked over to her, his gait crooked, his movements hampered. She hugged her body close to her.

"For what?" he asked when he was near.

"For Jenna" she responded, looking him in his clear blue eyes.

His response was immediate, rushed by the yearning to comfort his friend "You didn't Em. You wouldn't"

"I could"

"You don't remember much-

"I wanted to." She heaved, as though saying this had took her strength.

"Em-

"I know its wrong Toby. I didn't hate her. I didn't hate Jenna. I hated myself then. I hated that I had become this person that I didn't recognize. I was ashamed that I had to rely on drugs to-

"Em"

"No, Toby. I really wanted to feel something and though I can't recall ever hurting Jenna. I can remember wanting to. She was everything I need to rid my life of. I needed someone to blame for my unhappiness. Toby, I-

"Em, there had to be more to this story"

"What if there isn't. What if I did it? What if I killed Jenna?"

Taking Emily by the shoulders, he forced her to look into his eyes "Em, you didn't do it." He said earnestly "I know you. I know you can never take another person's life, no matter how far gone you think you were. We'll figure this out, Em. I promise." He engulfed her in his arms. " I'm here for you"

Emily relaxed momentarily but then tense again when the thunder roaring overhead caused the silence to disperse. The wind picked up its fever, adamant not to be won by the raging sound. There was then the distinct sound of electricity before their surrounding became dark.

The dark hair girl looked fearful before Toby informed her that the line was probably down. "I'll grab a candle" she said, trying to busy herself.

With Emily gone in search of some light, Toby pondered on what she has said, on what he had dreamt and on the whole mess that he had dragged everyone in. His mind replaying in infinite loops : her distinct laugh, the melodious tune on the piano, Emily's panic-stricken words "_I wanted to_", her desperate sorrowful eyes, was enough to cause him to swirl from it all. Where was the light at the end of the tunnel? Where was the way out? He didn't even know the distinction between truth and lies anymore; their lines had become blurred and grey. There were always circumstances that always made the truth seem like the least appealing passage. He was afraid for Emily, he was afraid for Aria and Hanna, for Spencer and for her father. He was afraid that none of them would make it out of this.

"What's all this?" Emily's voice came suddenly.

Toby swiveled in her direction. His eyes bounced from the puzzled look on her face to the manila folder within her grasp. She opened it up, eyeing its contents with renewed curiosity. "Toby….?"

His unresponsiveness caused her mind to wander "Did the doctor say… Is it your dad…?

Taking the folder from her, he too eyed the words that had become familiar to him over the past few days. Over and over they had replayed on constant replay in his tired mind. The words 'Melanoma' and Cancer jumped out from the pages of his incessant research, causing him to turn back to his concerned friend.

"Spencer's dad- Peter" he begun cautiously "he- he has cancer"

Emily throat went dry as a sand desert "What?" she managed to asked.

Toby informed her of his unfortunate run in with Mrs. Hastings and the urologist after Peter came out of coma. They were saying that he doesn't have much time left"

"But they said-

"They said what Mrs. Hasting wanted them to say. She doesn't want Spencer, Jason or Melissa to know about their father's illness"

"You have to tell her!"

It was Toby's turn to ask what.

"You have to tell her!"

"Em, I can't, you don't understand –

"I think I understand perfectly well. Toby, you have to tell her!"

"Em, her mom doesn't want her to know!"

"I don't care what her mom wants her to know. She deserves to know!"

"She just got back her dad Em, -

"And there's a large chance, she lose him again!"

"Exactly! Exactly!" he roved "She'll lose him again! You see what nearly losing him-

Emily circled him "Losing someone is never easy, Toby. At least she'll have the chance to say goodbye"

His eyes caught the heartbreak in hers and she momentarily relived her agony "It's the hardest thing in the world Toby" she paused for a moment, "but I can imagine, it makes it easier when you can say goodbye." Regaining some composure, she grasped unto his free hand "You've been gone for two years." Toby was about to speak when she beat him to it "It's complicated. I know." He shifted.

"Toby, the only one who can make this simple is you. This web, this web that we've found ourselves trapped in. I think the answer is simple. I think the way out of it is the truth. I think if you really love her, then you should tell her. You should tell her the truth Toby"

She removed herself, grabbing her belongings "I'll drive you"

Torrents of rain lashed against his dark coat as he made his way through the lifeless streets near Spencer's house .Emily watched from her car, the shadowed figure, determined in his steps. Her assistance further had been adamantly refused "He needed to go alone" he had let her know.

Toby discarded his dysfunctional umbrella in a nearby trash can, hobbling ahead under the fury of the storm. The dawning evening had metamorphosed into an inky dark night, the only sound beyond his own heavy breathing, the call of the mourning dove.

_The truth, he thought. He had to tell her the complete truth._

Finding his way through the mazes of houses that appear identical in his obscured vision, he came at last to her door. He found his courage failing, surging to the bottom of his stomach in a whirlwind of anxiety. He however, defied this feeling, tapping his knuckles against the wooden frame.

A pause ensued. His heartbeat quickened.

He heard her pace fastened to the door, he heard the turn of the knob, and then with a missed breath and skipped heartbeat, he saw her face, lit against the small yellow light coming from her home.

She looked over the sodden man with initial surprised, then deep concerned and curiosity

Unprepared in what to say, he stumble over his own tongue until he finally said what his heart allowed

"I had to see you"

**Okay peeps! So I hope that you realized that this chapter occurred the same time as Chapter 20. This chapter was just in Toby's POV.**

**So I hope you had fun reading this sullen chapter and please review. **

**Tell me how the story is going. It would mean the world to me. **

**So until next time. Ta!**


	22. For The Weight Of US

_**Hey there! **_

_**Hope you are all grand!**_

_**So a little instructions :Go to Youtube, type in Sanders Bohkle- Weight of Us (Also Ellie Goulding- Sweet Disposition) and have a good read as you listen. Don't forget to review peeps.**_

_**Xoxo**_

_**For The Weight Of Us (Part 1)**_

_It is factual truth: We create the world around us. Our minds paint a picture that to us becomes reality. Every facet, every aspect is a construction of our own making, an illusion of our own desire._

_Then what are we to believe in a world of make- believe? Where does truth stand?_

_Truth. Truth is our only escape from the madness. It is the light at the end of the tunnel._

Heavy footed, Toby trudged across the threshold, into the ill- lit bosom of Spencer's home. Beyond the thumping sound of his own heart, he heard the faint murmur of the girl's frantic questions but failed to pull them to the forefront of his mind. For there, his own thoughts ran rampant. There, anxiety seized his courage and his will, there, every ounce of strength dissipated leaving in its wake the skeletal matter: his fear.

She paused, waiting for his answer, when his eyes finally revealed from beneath his lashes, blue beaming orb sown with a worry that cause her own emotion and facial appearance to mimic the panic that washed his own.

She managed an indecipherable stutter.

A moment of heavy silence befell them.

As she attempted to read his eyes, he tried to hide them- she knew their language too well.

"I have to talk to you" he managed, suddenly, abruptly.

"Toby?" she questioned, her remaining words unnecessary.

"It's… important"

"I can get you something dry to wear" she fidgeted, not sure where else to place her pent up anxiety. She gave a definite nod before glancing up briefly at him "I'll get you something dry. Come!" she insisted "You'll catch a cold"

She lead the way down the ghastly corridor, past a spare room, which had been prepped for visitors, into her room, where Toby stationed himself peculiarly at the entrance of the doorway, creating in his path,a trail of rain water, a settling pool beneath at his feet. He watched her as she dug within her drawers in a frantic search, items of clothing finding themselves onto her bed, some falling by the bed foot.

She was nervous, he presumed. After all, he had shown up, unexpected, no forewarning and ambush her with his urgent, pale face.

She seem to be delaying a heavy thunderstorm from showering down on her life, she seemed far away, locked away in some mental recital.

She held up in her trembling hands, a now antiquated faded blue t- shirt which had begun to form holes in various locations about it from sheer overuse, and sighed as though she had just come upon a treasure of sorts, then walking over to him in a daze, she offered him the piece of clothing, offering in addition her assistance. "because of the crutches…." She muttered when he questioned her with a look.

At a standstill she watched him with a deep burrowing concern. She assessed his face: his eyes rimmed red, his mouth slackened into lifeless scowl, his blue eyes faded to a transparent grey. Touching his forehead with the back of her hand, she found her worry confirmed: he was burning up. "Toby, you have a fever" she voiced her worry. She felt his forehead again and was off again, digging through, this time, the cabinets in her bathroom until out she came once again with the thermometer in her hand.

"Not above 102," she affirmed, when she had put the instrument to use " but we shouldn't take chances. I run you a warm bath. She looked him over in a decisive glance "Take off your clothes"

A pregnant pause proceeded in which he aimed to assess her seriousness. She watched him impatiently, commanded an authority with her eyes.

He submitted, fingering the buttons on his shirt to cause them undone.

She began to busy herself with creating a cast cover, ensuring that it wouldn't be soaked in the process, as he stripped down to nothing but his underpants.

His skin shivered at contact of the open air with his body as he meticulously placed his damp clothes unto the floor of her room. His chiseled body once marked by its vivaciousness, was now pale and damp, evidence of his accident decorated his body in residual redness.

Spencer's eyes scoured the vicinity of his body, before their eyes locked for a moment and she hastily tore them away resubmitting focus on her task.

When all preparation was completed she helped him into the shower, her hand on his fever struck body as he relied on her for his diminishing strength.

Cascading water melted his hair flat unto his head, ending in jabs that further send the water down his face. He sank into the feel of it, spreading warmth along its paths, running and chasing the heat that had ran rampant. It scampered with the touch of it.

He closed his eyes, shutting out the space before him, letting his mind surround him, letting his thoughts wrapped around him and become his forefront. He breathe in the air around him, the freshness and purity, as every care surfaced. There were the word, stagnant on the tip of his tongue, poisoning his throat with its bitterness, yet he held them down: a war between impulse and fear began, a wrestle in his soul. Fluttering eyelids permitting water to mingle with his own and slowly he felt his cheeks covered: soft tissue of his own emotionally mangled. Initially careless to the presence, he allows his internal battle to structure his face: deep furrowing lines stretching across his forehead, despite the lidded eyes, there he store the majority of his pain.

He felt the slender fingers push his hair back, he felt them drown his face in a dreamlike caress and afraid that his heart would cease from the peace it emitted, he opened his eyes, and was met with tear blanketed brown orbs washed deep in it's very core the pain that was borne by his own.

There she stood, fully clothed, water soaking her through and through, sweeping the hair from his face over and over, her head cocked to a side.

They stood silent, listening to all but the gushing water about them.

"What is it?" she finally asked

He made an attempt to speak, which only exited as a pain- stricken sigh.

"What is it Toby?" She questioned again "What is it. Whatever it is, you can tell me. Whatever it is, I can handle it."

He let his head slip low, the water hitting his head in a splash, then projecting from it in a ski.

"It's your dad, Spence. It's your dad"


	23. Author's Note 2

**Hello everyone!**

**First of all, I will like to thank you all for the follows and favorites- your support. So I haven't been updating much for quite a while, sorry about that but I had some exams( trying to become a doctor is hard work guys. Don't do it! It's very time consuming.)**

**The other reason is that I haven't been getting reviews at all anymore. I don't know how to take this- should I stop writing, do you hate the story plot, are you tired of my imaginary face? I really don't know?**

**I'm not that scary, well in real life I am but you can't see me so…moot point.**

**So I'm going to ask something of you guys. Send me suggestions, comments, favorite chapter, favorite quote, what you hate about it, what you love about, your fav ice cream flavor…. Anything so I can know that I'm not writing to the land of the living dead (*weeps openly)**

**I have two chapters written and ready to be uploaded but only if you care will I.**

**Anyways I'm off. Going to watch So You think You Can Dance and cry into a bowl of ice cream.**

**Looking forward to hearing from you**

**Hata la vista!**


	24. As the Sky Falls

**So first of all, i want to thank all of you who responded. Spobyluver39, Kbtt, valee13, Sylviecake231, Guest, Spobyforever1907. **

**To all my reader, thank you so much! You are honestly rock stars!**

**As The Sky Falls**

_In__our ludicrous efforts to 'change' and be perfect, we try to fashion a perfect world for ourselves. We start to imagine that we are actually in control of our world, which is further from reality than an all-parrot moon landing. The universe, our universe, is out of our control. We live on a speck drifting around in an infinite vacuum with countless trillions of other specks. Our world is in a perpetual state of perfect chaos and entropy, with everything falling apart and dying and being born haphazardly_

_-Robert White_

The moon hung slanted on its peg in the sky embraced by two dark clouds, stealing its light. The rain had stopped its breathing, leaving the night's air vacant and fresh. The dark streets had drank the flood with an insatiable thirst. Outside, the world had landed on its feet. The street moved by the cadence of peace, it stillness, calming the hearts of those who had been shaken by the sudden storm.

Inside, though, the world was all askew.

Standing in their shadows, a yellow overcast by the flickering candlelight, their eyes darkened and their lips poisoned with unsaid words. He, his hands folded across his chest, cradled, carrying the weight that he would soon pass on…

To her.

Spencer's throat had shut closed, swollen with a collision of jumbled words and thoughts, the only escapee- forced breath. She realized that time did stop. It was like a physical wall, closing in on her, stealing her breathing, a heavy sword above her head, moreover she was paralyzed to stop it. The only thing left to do was to wait until it crushed her into oblivion. At least oblivion knew no pain.

"_Your dad has cancer" he had told her only moments before. _

"_Cancer?" she had heard herself say. _ She felt the word reverberate through her again and again, leaving a cold shiver in her spine, until she was raw and numb inside.

He begun to explain the details of it all: how he had overheard her mother, how he had fought day and night with the decision to tell her. He was sorry, he had finished. He was sorry that this ever happened. He was sorry that she had to find out this way.

She felt his arms caged her, like a protective barrier that encompassed her trembling frame. In her ears, his words were thick and slow like syrup, his lips pressed up against her hair and his breath on her face- uneven, tingling and light. She felt the material of his shirt within her clenched fist, all tension extending itself there where she would not physically let it go, but let in in the palm of her hand. The sturdiness of his body offering her support under the fragility heaved and sighed and beat wildly. She listened as her world crumbled to her feet, piece by piece they land- sharp and dangerously perfect

as though design this way.

Her world that was shifted, time and time, was always bound to fall.

She didn't sob.

She didn't cry.

She just leant into him, with her crushed, amputated soul, her heart in her ear, and her eyes stinging from the tears that refused to come.

He didn't know how long they stood like that- tonight was void of time. But he saw enough of the sky to see it metamorphosed into a sheet of star. He watched the constellations above her head and thought how he could hold her forever.

* * *

Lately Jason has been talking less and less. They sit wordless at the dinner table in their small apartment. The elephant which had squeezed Its way into their home, hung its huge legs across her chest, crushing the words that needed to be said.

In all fairness, she had stopped talking first. She had distance herself because it was better to lose some of him than all of him. So she watched him in his daily routines, as he came home, wearied by the day's events, he would take a shower, he'd eat his dinner, cooked from the small range of things she knew how to and he'd go to sleep- his breath quick and uneven.

She can taste yesterday on her lips. She remembered how after giving up her baby girl, he had been the one to save her. How he had become synonymous with love. How he had dowsed all her fear.

But now on this cloudy night, as she pins her hair up and slides into bed beside him, Aria wishes more than anything she could find the strength to say what he saved her from.

But instead she whispers a small "I love you" into his ear.

He is so still, she is sure he is asleep.

She is startled when in return he says "I love you too"

* * *

The door was swinging wide. Entering behind her, a wisped of cold, insipid air, causing a shiver down their spines. Decked in their uniforms, they sat, walked, bustled, like the world was on fire and it was their task to extinguish it. Emily took a deep breath as she seated herself in front of one of the officer.

His hair is the sort of black that makes it look blue, his eyes a river of water.

"Miss Fields," he said " on the phone you said you had some information for us" he states rather than ask.

"Yes" she managed to say.

He nodded her to go ahead.

She clears her throat "In relation to the murder of Jenna Marshall" she said dead and straight.

"Yes?" the officer perks up.

A quick breath "I'll like to turn myself in"

**So no Hanna in this chapter but she'll be there in the next, which I've already written so review and I'll see if I can put it up later in the week… if you're interested.**

**So until then ta-ta!**

**-T**


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